Keeping Good Company

This past weekend was a milestone birthday for me. A turning  point in my life that I am actually excited about. Instead of feeling “old” I feel more aware, wiser, and that I have gained a better perspective of life as a whole. One thing that I have learned is that if you surround yourself with positive and loving people you can accomplish almost anything. I’ve made a few friends in my past who didn’t view friendship as sacred as I did and still do. And for whatever the reason at the time held on to those relationships hoping for the best in those people, even if it wasn’t healthy. Now when I meet new people I just role with it and if something doesn’t sit well I move one- no harm no foul. I believe sometimes people are put into our lives to help us resolve something, provide balance or support for a life change, or to fulfill a void. Some might be brief others a lifetime. Either way what it boils down to we all need each other in order to thrive and move forward. To me, those that I surrounded myself with are my second family. People that bring out the best in me as well as others. Those who aren’t afraid to be honest with me about their thoughts and feelings about our friendship or anything else. Friends who can provide an outside perspective when I’ve become too wrapped up in something. Who know my weaknesses yet also know how to motivate me to push past my fears. Those that have learned a lesson and in the process has shared that lesson with me. Someone who doesn’t  judge me for my failures but encourages me to continue on. Acquaintances are a dime a dozen, but true friends that last a lifetime are few and far between. I ask those that read this blog today to take a minute and reflect back on all of your past and current friendships. What did that person mean to you? What did they teach you or what did you learn about yourself? What makes your friendships today successful?

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

Related articles

• Growing up (thepinkwinks.wordpress.com)
• I’m on my way out… (myunhingedlife.wordpress.com)
• What Is Your Friendship Reputation? (fightlikegirls.wordpress.com)
• About friends (theobtuseangle.wordpress.com)

What is the point of living with someone else?

What is the point of living together? So you’ve been with someone say a couple of years now not like 10 years or anything but youre far into the relationship where you want to move in…why do people move in with one another? Whats the point of that? What are you suppose to do once living together? In your opinion anyway…which im sure everyone might have a different view so I want to know.

-Curious

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Dear Curious,

The point of moving in together is to determine if you can coexist. It’s one thing to date and spend time together it’s quite another living together. You learn a lot about yourself and the other person when you live together. Their styles, their behavioural patterns, cleanliness, etc. If it’s someone who you are dating and want to take it to the next level to see if it will work then I suggest it. If this is in regards to moving in with a friend I would recommend you avoid it unless you are completely aware. A lot of people are better off as friends rather than room mates. It can create a lot of tension within a friendship unless there is a clear understanding of the shared rules and obligations of sharing your space together.

 

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

 

Related articles

• Fickle Friendships, Restless Relationships (secretworldofs.wordpress.com)

Why Is My Friend Being So Mean?

We used to be great friends, until these popular girls came into our class. Us and the populars used to hate each other but now she sucks up to them, and puts me down. She always calls me a f*ck tard when i make little mistakes…she wouldn’t say that to the other girls. She also calls me ugly EVERY DAY. She says its just a joke and it really hurts me and all I say is okay in a sad voice and she laughs as if calling me ugly is the funniest thing ever.
She takes me for granted, I always buy her lunch and offer to help her with her homework but she never appreciates it..

Also, she thinks shes better than me because she has 60 more friends on FB than me and shes prettier.

If I stand up to her everyone will hate me. She will turn everyone against me, my friends are hers and they seem to like her more.

help?

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Sometimes people don’t know how to stand on their own nor think for themselves. You need to stand up to her and you need to stop helping her out financially and with school work. A good friend will treat you with respect and kindness. If people decide to listen to her when you walk away then they aren’t good friends either. Get involved in the community or doing something that interests you to separate yourself from this group. I know it’s hard and scary but it’s the best thing you can do for yourself. The sooner you do this the better. You might be surprised you might gain friends that respect you for being honest and telling it like it is.

*If you have a question or topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

I Have a Drug Problem- Please Help!

I’m 20, and my girl is 19. Both second year college students. We have been together for a year and 3 months, and have been really goods friends since the beginning of high school. So we are serious enough. We have met each other’s parents/families and have spoken about future living arrangements, even marriage. Here’s where it gets interesting. I have a drug problem. Or at least had. I smoked way too much weed for my own good, and before anyone says it’s just weed quit being a pussy, I have a very addictive personality, and I used weed to escape bad feelings. I’m very aware that’s all the wrong reasons to use, so please don’t lecture me about drugs. I know its bad. Weed destroyed my social life, and I don’t really have any friends anymore. For 6 years my only priority was getting high and escaping the reality of my situation. When me and my girl started dating and getting more serious beyond just friendship, I quit. She was aware of my past drug use, and always stuck by me and supported me through it. I told her I was done for good, and at that time, truly thought I was. 7 weeks later I relapsed, and I never told her about it because I didn’t want to let her down. Well one thing led to another and I was right back into it, doing it everyday, I started ditching her, making excuses, I really let it grab ahold of me again, which only made me feel worse. I hid the fact that I was smoking throughout our whole relationship, over a year! I always felt guilty and knew it was very wrong to keep hiding it from her. 1 week ago today I quit again because I knew I had too, And 2 days ago I kind of broke down and told her the whole story, how I lied to her, kept this secret. I couldn’t keep it all bottled up anymore. Obviously she is pretty upset, and that’s totally justified, I’m clearly in the wrong. But she has promised she loves me and help me get over it this time, together. We are very close, and have been for years so I never expected her to just pack her bags. My problem is, I care about her so much, and have always loved her, but since i told her what I had been doing, things seem different for me. She has reassured me she doesn’t feel any different, but for some reason i feel different. I feel like I don’t deserve her, the guilt and being shamed about it all is actually making me really unattracted to her. And I can’t pin point why. The past 2 days haven’t been fun, we haven’t been getting along and it’s kind of awkward for both of us. I’m confused on whether i want to stay with her and work on this problem, or just give her up and keep smoking. Sadly enough, the latter seems like the easier choice to me. But not the right choice. I’m still clean, but I want to smoke pretty badly. Life sober seems so hard, and I don’t necessarily know what to do or what to think. MY mind is this big storm of emotions and confusion and I really don’t know what I want. If I give her up I know I wont be happy, but im not happy now either. It seems the only time I am happy is when I’m high, but I know that’s wrong. I need some advice. Tell me what you guys would do, why do i feel so down, why am i pushing her away? Sorry for the length, but more info will help you grasp the situation better. Thanks a lot for any input.
Also, I DO want to quit using. I know its bad for me and it has destroyed some amazing aspects in my life. It’s the psychological addiction that has ahold on me. I have used weed as a friend, as my escape, as my “feel better when life is ****” drug. But I do want to quit.
-Lost

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Dear Lost,

In the end honesty is the best policy, I am glad that you were able to come clean. Addiction is something that unfortunately will be with you for a lifetime. I am not saying that you will use for that lifetime. What I mean to say is that if you recognize that you have an addictive personality then you will need to be mindful of what you involve yourself in. If you quit this and do not seek help you will invariably replace the addiction with something else. Generally, people who have an addiction problem either do not know or never learned how to cope with the stresses of life or they potentially could have a chemical imbalance so they “self-medicate”, and it’s a combination of both. I would recommend that you find a counselor that specializes in abuse and work on learning new behaviors to deal with the cravings. You can also join a support group such as Narcotics Anonymous (NA) or Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). I would also recommend that your girlfriend seek help as well. There are family and friend support groups such as Al-Anon. She can also check out “Co-Dependent No More” by Melody Beattie. You both will need support for this. And I know that it seems “easier” to just go get high. But you’ve already experienced loss by making that choice in the past. This will not be easy at first but over time it will get better. Good luck!

*If you have a questions or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

 

Spread the Love

Alright, so a fellow blogger has set an example, and I have to say it was a damn good one Instead of just blabbing on he decided to share the “love” and knowledge that blogs can provide. And what a great idea! So a big thank you to Tanguyenable.

God only knows with having a full-time job, marriage, and way too many creative interests finding time to read fellow blogs has proved challenging. When I do get to it, I am entertained, sometimes inspired, and often moved. It’s nice to see people contributing their thoughts, personal growths, and creative insights. So, here are the people that I have found interesting to date. My hope is to expand upon this list at a later date

Tanguyenable- a blog that is creatively random yet honest and thoughtful, he generally describes his personal growth experiences as well as lessons that we all could appreciate, relate to, and learn from.

This Man’s Journey-a blog that integrates photography with parenting. I love that he does weekly photo challenges, something I should push myself to do as well

I Am Not Defined- a fellow advice columnist/blogger honest and poignant. I always look forward to what comes next.

Bakers Royal- a personal friend, co-worker, photographer, mother and an amazingly creative person. I wish I had half the energy that she did! Her treats are amazingly delicious! Congrats on the potential book deal

Confused….

I’m confused about my friend? I’m a 2nd year college student. I have known this girl for over a year now so we’re already friends. A few weeks ago she was acting all giddy toward me. Smiling and laughing and coming into my room to talk(I live right across the bathroom). My roommate thought that she liked me, but I disagreed saying she’s just being nice. She was giddy until last week. Then she turned cold. I asked her if I insulted her and she said she was stressed from midterms/homework. This week she’s still a little bit cold, but not like last week. She’s not smiling or laughing when I talk to her (then again I haven’t made any jokes since I’m stressed with school). But with everybody else she’s laughing and smiling all over the place except for me.She’s made me confused. I don’t like her at the moment because I had a crush on her last year. I wouldn’t mind dating her though. What should I do to solve the problem? I want her to be the giddy person I knew a few weeks ago. My roommate still thinks she likes me, but she’s not showing it. What do you think?

I normally eat lunch with her and another friend on Fridays. Today is her birthday. Why is she acting like this to me and not everybody else?

-Confused

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Dear Confused,

Wish her happy birthday and ask her if you can take her out to eat or for coffee to celebrate. This should be an ice breaker- then hopefully you can talk with her more. I know it will sound a bit cheesey, but be honest with your feelings. Tell her that, “I miss when you are happy and giddy around me, is everything ok?” If you express concern for her feelings she might be more willing to open up.

Backstabbing “friend” needs to be taught a lesson…

Backstabbing “friend” needs to be taught a lesson, any help or ideas?! I will take anything into consideration? My “friend” basically told people that I cheated on my ex, when of course I didn’t, everybody else has taken my side however she keeps saying it, and it’s just making me feel down. She basically ruined our relationship and she’s done this to my other friend twice aswell, she’s a right bit*h and I need something or some way that I can get back at her. She really needs to be taught a lesson, I recently found out she liked my ex which is why she made that up. However I still think she has feelings for her ex as well, how can I really get back at her, and make her feel like I did, but without getting into too much trouble myself? Please help, I will basically do anything haha! Any ideas at all will be appreciated and thought about!

-Annoyed

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Dear Annoyed,

 

Is it really worth stooping to the level of someone who obviously didn’t know how to appreciate a true friend. I know that you are upset and rightfully so. But why not instead confront her and let her know your feelings? By looking for ways to get back at her you are just creating more drama and feeding into the mess that has already been created. Also, it might feel justified initially but later on you will regret that you played along. Otherwise, I would leave it all alone and learn that she is lost and feels the need attention.

 

* If you have a question or would like submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com. All inquiries shall remain anonymous

Falling For an “Unattractive” Man

Well, there’s this guy, he is so in love with me, but he is really not the nicest looking guy. My friends are teasing me over him liking me because of his looks, but I think I am falling for his personality! I dunno what to do, he wants me so bad, but what would you do in this situation?

-On the Fence

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Dear On the Fence,

Love is blind, if you find him interesting and you think he is attractive to you… then that is all that matters. It’s sad to hear that your friends aren’t supporting your happiness and are more caught up in the shallowness of how he “appears” to them. If you do decide to get to know him better maybe they will realize there is more than meets the eye.

 

* If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com. All inquiries shall remain anonymous.

 

How to Approach Women

How do you girls want to be approached? I’m not looking to become a player or pick up artist. I just want to be able to approach a girl I get the butterflies for. Every time I think about saying something it sounds like it would just be cheesy, And I mean saying anything.I have never approached a girl in my life. Would asking how your day’s going, for lack of a better word, work? Am I truly over thinking everything and it is as easy that. Is it more important that a guy is confident enough to approach than to say the exact right words? And saying that, I have always hear girls like confidence, So does that mean just confidence in approaching, or confidence in know what to say, or ask. Then ask where she’s from, then other little things like that?And one last point, I am 27, so I am not in school. I have gotten answers that have good points, but then lose me they say something that I can’t do cause i’m not in school. I won’t be able to pass notes between friends. Its how to approach where its me and one girl, in a one time meeting. How is there a difference too when approaching at say the mall compared to at a bar? Would it be fine to walk up behind her and a light touch on the arm or small of the back to get her attention? Or should I position myself for her to walk by as some point so I can see her face to face?

-Nervous
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Dear Nervous,

You need to approach a woman with respect and kindness- this is universal for both sexes. I know that you are nervous and obviously are attracted to this person. Just go up to her and say hello and ask if she would like to grab some coffee or go out for a bite to eat some time. The worst thing she could say to you is “No” Which in the end is better than wondering what she might have said to you. If the feeling is mutual you probably don’t have to worry about saying the wrong thing. If she does say yes then just ask her about her self and see what you both have in common. If there is a connection then the easier this will get for you. If not then it’s ok. You have taken the unknown and brought it into the light. It’s always better to know then to regret.

*If you have a question or wish to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

Friendships & Divorce

What’s the proper way to handle the breakup of another married couple when you choose different sides? My best friend is divorcing a friend of hers. We each see the other soon to be ex-spouse as the bad guy. What to do?

-Torn

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Dear Torn,

There are always two sides two a story- it takes two in order for a marriage to be successful . If this is someone that you were close with or would still like to be a part of your life then you should offer them support as well. The hard part is not to pick sides- the only people who really know what is really going on are the two people involved. Do your best to listen yet remain neutral.

 

* If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@hotmail.com