It’s been quite some time since I posted a blog, I ask for forgiveness from my fellow bloggers as that is a BIG no-no! But to be honest, I think that if the content that is provided is good and people enjoy what I bring then maybe I should go against the grain and not try to live up to someone else’s expectation of me let along the expectations I put on myself. And that alone is what I wanted to explore today. In my haitus of not composing this blog I have been doing my usual routine but on top of all that I have been exploring and reigniting my passions for singing and musical theater, preparing for my husband’s transition from Marine back to civilian, exploring my thoughts and ideas about my future career, and further connecting with my spiritual endeavors. It’s been a lot, and so much has transpired that there is no way in one posting could I ever explain all of it. One major pivitol lession that has come to light is how I view myself and how others view me. There was a time when I could careless what others thought of me, however things changed and support systems were removed/distanced and I lost self. But with all of this so much has changed and so much has been learned. I am reestablishing who I am and who I want to become. And I am grateful for every moment that has occured to get me to where I am now and where I plan on going to next. And in viewing myself with more grace and acceptance others are starting to follow suite as well. It’s about creating goals but also boundaries for others. Self-respect and self-love at the fore front. When we take care of ourselves the rest will follow is a true and valid statement. I will do my best to post on a regular basis however I do not believe that daily will be possible anymore. I will try but no guarantees. I want to keep living my life and learning along the way. And my hope and ulitmate desire is for others to learn and grow right along with me. So many people in this world focus on the negative then become bitter because someone else didn’t do the right thing. The only person whom we can be accountable for is ourselves. Hold yourself true to who you are and be opening and willing to learn from your mistakes. We are all here to help each other and push through this together. Don’t shy away because one person or a few people just aren’t ready for this type of lifestyle. Follow your heart and your path the rest will follow.
I have had and know several friends who have used/use online resources for dating. In today’s world everything except toilet paper has gone digital! I think because our lifestyles are set to move at such a rapid pace and that we tend to focus on the milestones in life as well as our careers we tend to lose site of the simple joys of dating and courtship. It’s amazing to me how many people whom do meet their partners online or even spouse they tend to be someone that lives in their neighborhood or close proximity of their living space. I am not saying this is always the case, but it does seem to happen quite often more so than one would think. Just imagine if we all took a moment to put down our cell phones we might have actually met the person in real life instead of digitally first. Again, I’m not knocking the service, I’ve known several people whom were so busy that it was the simplest way to put themselves out there without really…putting themselves out there. It’s so much easier to hit the decline button than it is to reject someone in real life. But at the same time I think as a human you are missing out on that experience. I’m not saying that it’s something to look forward to nor to enjoy. But it does help us learn how to handle awkward social situations better than just hitting a button and moving on to the next profile. Also, one thing to be weary about online dating are those that tend to over exaggerate or inflate themselves. Or use the site as a rotating girlfriend/boyfriend tool. Someone can sure look spectacular on screen but when you meet them in real life it’s not even close to what you saw and read on the profile! The thing is unless you are willing to be honest with yourself and others as well as be open then you will never move forward into a significant relationship. You both have to have similiar…not the same…but a common interest or view point to life. It will filter people for you and provide you with the “cream of the crop” to match you interests but if someone is boasting about how they are someone they truly are not then everyone will end up disappointed. If you want success play it smart and with honesty. Be honest with yourself and go off your first inital reactions when answering dating questionarraires. If you do decide to meet someone meet them in a public setting. It really does suck to lose the romantic side of being picked up and taken out…but remember anyone can create a profile and you might not get what you intended. So better to play it safe than sorry. If something feels off or wrong then trust that instinct it’s there for a reason. If you enjoy the date and things go well then be honest and tell them you’d like to meet again. I have never understood drawing out the process and making people wonder….It’s ok if you need the time to process but if you do have a great time then tell the other person that! Some great first date ideas would be the zoo, theme park, beach, basically something that allows the two of you to interact with one another with little distraction. Movies are nice but you basically end up sitting there watching the film instead of engaging with one another. What has been your experience with online dating? Has it been good or bad?
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I am 42, divorced, I have no idea what I am supposed to do next in my life? I feel like I completed some circle in my life, and now I am at the same place I was before.
When I was young, I lived alone in small apartment that I rented, I was dating and had a lot of time to have fun.
Then came marriage, with family life, kids, house and mortgage.
Now I am divorced, my kids almost grown up, and very soon will not need me anymore, so I feel like this stage of my life is also over.
Now I again live alone in small apartment that I rent, I am dating, and have a lot of free time to do what I like.
I tried dating women my own age, but I failed to find a lot in common with them, since most of the date they usually talk about their kids, or even how their marriages failed. This made me realize that I don’t want to enter into a life of another family, woman with kids, ex-husband, and what not. Since they are with kids, they also don’t have a lot of free time.
I am now dating 24 y.o, who I find more in common then,women I dated before her. We met at Indoor climbing group, and we both like active pass time, like hiking, doing challenging tracks, thing like that. So I spend a lot of time with her.
I feel lost and without purpose or goal in life. I have no idea, what I supposed to do with my life now, and where is it going from here. I have no idea where I will be in 1 year on in 5 or in 10.
Have anyone been in similar situation? What is next for me?
What’s next is up to you to decide. I am sure there are things that you always wanted to try or always wanted to do. Put it this way, if you knew you had one week left on this earth what would you do? Live your life this way. I am not saying spend your life savings or anything crazy but live in the moment of now. You are lucky to have had a marriage and a family at one time, even though it didn’t work out at one time it was exactly what you wanted. Now that you are here it’s time to find yourself again or maybe reinvent yourself. As for dating enjoy it and who knows you might someday find a woman and her kids or she might be solo and will be worth it. In the mean time find what makes you happy and brings purpose into your life. Do you like to travel, give back, a hobby or interest? There is plently to do so seize the opportunity since it’s before you.
Should I stay or should I go? I’ve been with my girlfriend for 2 years and I do love her. She married a dude when she was only 17 and stayed in a marriage from hell with the guy for 19 years before she filed for a divorce. She’s was single for 4 years before we got together. For 2 whole years I have had to deal with trust issues and insecurity issues from her,I am not doing anything to call for this, I have been the perfect man but her issues due to her past is making it very difficult for me, and I have never had to or been faced with anything like this in any relationship I have had before. She sometimes doesn’t express her anger without including rude comments that often upset me as well, but we always end up talking and ironing out whatever the problem is. She does work,cook,clean and take care of home,yes we live together. At this point IDK what I should do we’ve been living together for 2 years as a couple and she always promises to get some kind of therapy but hasn’t done it yet, I do feel like I want to help her get better as a person because I love her,but sometimes I think that maybe this is too much for me to be trying to take on. What do you think?
Sometimes we are matched up with people to help us learn and both grow. I would ask her to chat with you about this. It’s a serious concern and it’s obvious that she has been putting it off. We never want to deal with our problems head on unless we have no choice in the matter. I would let her know that you love and care for her however that it’s not fair to you nor the future and health of your relationship to continue down this path and that something has to change. You need to set a timeline for yourself and her, I’m not saying this has to change overnight but something that you feel is reasonable for things to really change. We all have baggage and history but it’s what we decide to do with it that makes the difference. She can hold on to it and carry it around and keep everyone at a distance and lose you. Or she can own up that it’s her own insecurity and that she can keep the lesson but not hold on to all the pain and mistrust. Sometimes we have to make a choice for ourselves that ultimately is a choice for the relationship. If she is ready she will do it, if not then she won’t you just need to decide if this is something you want to live with the rest of your life? And given this inquiry my guess is you’re getting a little fed up with it. So set a timeline to yourself for it to resolve or at least for it to resolve to a certain degree. We all have our moments but it’s different when it infringes on those that we care about most. Good luck!
When you’re in love with someone and in a relationship for 13 years and find out they are not happy being with you, how do you not feel like a total loser? I’ve always thought she was the kindest most tolerant and accepting person I’ve ever met. If I can’t make it work with her, what hope is there for me? How can I NOT feel like a piece of s***. She loves me and wants me in her life, but is just not happy. Now she wants to start dating again. How does one handle something like this? Feeling like a total waste of space right now. I am the one still in love with her. Her announcement that she wanted to split was a total shock to me. She moved into a separate room, but we’ve been sharing a house for the last 8 months and it has been a living hell for me. She is so excited to be moving on and I’m sitting here feeling like my whole world was ripped from under my feet. She had told me that I could stay as long as I wanted and that it would be a few years before she got her life together and would even consider dating. Now she wants to start dating again and I can feel that it’s time for me to leave. I feel like it’s just more promises not being kept. What happened to commitment? To working things out? I’m just devastated, have never lived alone and feel totally left out in the cold.
I understand that this is a hard time for you right now. Sometimes people grow apart unfortunately. It’s hard to find balance in life, family, careers, and self. It sounds like she loves you but has lost herself along the way. There are a few words that you have used that peak my interest- “tolerant” and “accepting”. What was it about your relationship that you think she needed to be tolerant of? We all have to bend somewhat for the other person but tolerant seems like a strong word choice. As for her, were there any signs that she was unhappy? Think back to when you first met and how happy she was and what she did when she was happy. Does she not involve herself within these activities anymore? What changed? 13 years is a long time for people to grow and experience life, is there anything that stands out? The crummy part about this whole thing is that it takes two to tango and one of the dancers wants to rest or dance with someone new that leaves the other person at a stand still. If you are emotionally able I would ask that she sit down with you and have a heart to heart and honest open moment. Somewhere in the mix of this communication wasn’t clear since this is such a big surprise to you. Through pain and heartache comes a valuable lesson. I would ask her what changed and what happened? You might not be able to change her mind but at least you will have a better idea of where it went wrong. Also, living alone might seem scary initally but it’s necessary for growth and learning about oneself. It’s unhealthy to flitter from one relationship to the next without providing pause to review the lessons that were provided. Give this time and reflection-the lessons will become clear and your heart will mend.
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