If You Think Your Spouse Cheated Is It Likely That You Are Right?

I have been divorced for a many years now. Certain behaviors caused me to believe she was cheating on me when we were together. I would kiss her and think she smelled like another man. I beleive we just have the instinct to  know, even though I did my best to convince myself I was just paranoid. Then she started running around to bars at night, etc.., yet claims to be innocent. Yet, when a man she is with exhibits such behavior che cries foul!! Now in my last long term relationship I noticed the same concerns, and she absolutely was cheating on me. But my ex has never confessed, and I never saw direct evidence that she was. She has been in two relationships that I know of since we broke up, and both guys she claims have been cheating on her. I wonder if they saw the same signs in her that I saw, and believed her to be cheating on them, when in fact she just exhibits all of the signs of a cheater but doesn’t cheat. Is that possible or just highly unlikely?

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At the end of the day you will never know if she cheats or not. She might enjoy the attention of other men but might not have ever cheated, she might have. If you are no longer with her then it’s time to let it go. The past is in the past for a reason, if she chooses to cheat then she is just creating her own karma. It’s time to let this go and move forward with your life.

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

 

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My Fiance Thinks I Cheated

How can I stop my fiancé from thinking I cheat all the time? I have been with my other half for nearly 3 years now and at first his accusations weren’t that bad, but they are slowly getting worse. I don’t want to leave him so please don’t suggest that. I really want to make things work because when things are good between us they are excellent. I love him so much and I really don’t want this to ruin things for us! Please help!

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This is not your issue it’s his. If you have remained faithful this is a huge fear that he will have to overcome. Marriage is based on trust. If he doesn’t have it in you then there is really nothing you can do. I know you do not want to give up on this but do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who is always questioning you? Also, this could be a guilty conscience on his part…I think you might want to sit down and tell him it’s all or none. He either let’s this go and trusts you or you are done.

*If you or have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

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My Husband Approved of my Infidelity

I’ve been married for 8 years, but the marriage started going wrong about a year ago but we still live together for the kids. I met this cute guy at work and got a crush on him, and admitted this to my husband. He said ‘go for it’ and so I did. One thing lead to another and me and the guy ended up sleeping together. However, this guy has all sorts of baggage and has only just come out of a year long relationship, so I know deep down he probably doesn’t really want me, and I probably shouldn’t get him involved in my **** either, but I really want him to want me back as much as I want him. Although we work in the same place we don’t work together, so have no reason to be seen talking. I want to get it out exactly where I stand. He knows about my situation and doesn’t want to make things worse, but still came over to my place the other night anyway! but when I text him, he never replies, and the weirdness is driving me mad! The next day, I admitted to my husband what had happened, where he then said he’d been to a hotel that same night with a mutual friend of ours. I always had my suspicions about the two of them, but my husband had always just called me crazy and paranoid. I’m also due to start a new job in a few weeks, and I’m stressed and anxious about this too.
I just don’t know how to deal with all of this, it is such a mess. I barely sleep, and don’t eat. I feel like I’m going mad or something. Help.

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I can’t imagine how your head is wrapping around this right now! First, I do not have full insight into your marriage-some people have open marriages and they somehow make it work. However, based on what you have provided it sounds like you do not. I am a bit concerned that your husband gave you the thumbs up to see someone else. That isn’t a healthy relationship and it sounds like there is definitely a lack of communication and commitment between the two of you. I think the best question to ask yourself is what do you want? I know that you are emotionally attached to the new guy however it still sounds like you have feelings for your husband. And for the new guy that isn’t fair and for you it just makes things all too complicated. In many ways, and again I do not know the whole story, but I think you might be better off alone and sorting this out by yourself for a while. Generally when you can remove yourself from an emotionally attached situation you give yourself the time to process everything. If you want to try and save your marriage you should seek counsel. You do have something positive right now- a new job that is coming, do you best to focus your attention on that while sorting this out after hours. Again I highly recommend counsel with or without your spouse.

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

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An Unfaithful Husband

I just need some advice and I don’t want to talk to family and friends about this until I know what’s going on and I can’t talk to my husband cuz he’s the one that did it. Me and my husband have been together for over 5 years and married for over 2. I saw texts on my his phone on Friday from girls. After looking into it, I found out they are girls he met on dating sites that he created. He was talking to them about sex, saying he wanted friendship and a relationship, sending pics back and forth, asking for half-naked pics of them, talking about hanging out and getting together soon, not mentioning me or our 10 month old son, and a bunch of **** like that. I confronted him about it right away. He said he had no intentions of doing anything and he doesn’t know why he was doing it. Well, he’s in the army and he did all this while he was at work from his phone. And this isn’t the first time this has happened. He’s done similar stuff a lot. A week before we got married, he was talking to girls on MySpace about being friends with benefits and yes I found out and still married him. Then, he did it twice while I was pregnant through dating sites again and texting. He then deployed when our son was a month old. A week after deploying he was going to dating sites again and talking to girls on yahoo. He got back in November. 3 months ago he was sending emails out to the personal ads on Craigslist. So he was basically sending emails out to hookers. And now this. I know I have forgave him far too much. I just don’t know what to do. It’s basically like he had intentions of cheating but I caught him before he could cheat. And it’s hilarious that after I caught him this time, I was asking questions that I already knew the answers too and he lied about every one of them. Me and him have talked since then and he just says he doesn’t know why he gets doing it and that he’s a piece of **** and was actually crying which never happens. And I told him a good start to fixing this if possible would be to change his number.He doesn’t want to, he says it too big of pain to give everyone at work the new number.I just need some advice. I’m so confused, pissed, upset, disgusted, and scared.

And I don’t have a problem leaving. As soon as I found out I told him I want a divorce. It’s not like if I leave I’ll have nothing. I would easily be able to start a life on my own.

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It sounds like you husband has issues with committment and a sex addiction. You need to remove yourself from this relationship as well as the child. If he is sleeping with other women he is putting you at risk for STDs. And the safety of your baby is compromised if he does this while he is watching the child while you are out. You need to tell him that he needs to seek counsel. I understand this will be difficult given the stigmata with the military to admit that you have a problem and getting treatment. (I am a military wife as well) If you are ok with moving on then this needs to happen sooner than later. I would also suggest that you seek counsel. It isn’t healthy that you held on for this long and it would help you in the future from repeating the same mistake.

 

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

 

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Backstabbing “friend” needs to be taught a lesson…

Backstabbing “friend” needs to be taught a lesson, any help or ideas?! I will take anything into consideration? My “friend” basically told people that I cheated on my ex, when of course I didn’t, everybody else has taken my side however she keeps saying it, and it’s just making me feel down. She basically ruined our relationship and she’s done this to my other friend twice aswell, she’s a right bit*h and I need something or some way that I can get back at her. She really needs to be taught a lesson, I recently found out she liked my ex which is why she made that up. However I still think she has feelings for her ex as well, how can I really get back at her, and make her feel like I did, but without getting into too much trouble myself? Please help, I will basically do anything haha! Any ideas at all will be appreciated and thought about!

-Annoyed

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Dear Annoyed,

 

Is it really worth stooping to the level of someone who obviously didn’t know how to appreciate a true friend. I know that you are upset and rightfully so. But why not instead confront her and let her know your feelings? By looking for ways to get back at her you are just creating more drama and feeding into the mess that has already been created. Also, it might feel justified initially but later on you will regret that you played along. Otherwise, I would leave it all alone and learn that she is lost and feels the need attention.

 

* If you have a question or would like submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com. All inquiries shall remain anonymous

Facebook & Marriage

Why do people (my husband) think its ok to flirt on Facebook and [then] erase messages from [his] wife?

anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

This is a tough subject because I personally have mixed emotions about Facebook. I think it is an excellent platform for businesses and marketing. As well as for personal use to keep in touch with friends and family and allows you to reconnect with the people of our past. However, many people hide behind a computer and use this tool negatively (bullying, illegal activities, adultery, journaling, etc) rather than in a positive manner. There is nothing wrong with someone flirting a little in my opinion however more so on the receiving end-knowing that others are interested in you makes you feel good about yourself. And as a wife myself when someone is interested in my husband I am flattered not threatened because I know that he is committed to our relationship. 
However, creating an illusion of someone who you are not is unhealthy. It sounds like your husband has become caught up in the world of internet make-believe. It also sounds like subconsciously he is starting to lose interest in your relationship. Many people do not realize that although it might just be text or some random website people do pay attention and there are people on the receiving end of what is written…or in your case deleted. If I were you I would suggest that you and he go to counseling to get to the root of the issue and to assist you with confronting this hurtful behavior.

* Do you think this is normal behaviour? Do you have another helpful suggestion for our reader? Please comment below.

Ex Problems

Okay. My ex decided that we should walk away from each other and we’d both be better off without each other. I had trust issues from the last relationship, I know it’s unnacceptable ect. but I’ve learned my lesson the hard way.

We kept talking afterwards as neither of us wanted this. Some guy kept appearing all over her facebook as soon as we broke up, and she was calling him things like ‘husband’. Anyway my issues came again and accused her of cheating. This really flipped her off. Again, this is where I learned my lesson. Told me not to call or text again.

A week later she texts me see as she knew I was at the same gig. Kept telling me to come and see her, so I did. Said Hi and that was it, I didn’t want to make a scene.

She unfriended me on facebook but later sent a text saying ‘sorry, I can’t move on if you’re on my facebook’

I tried the whole I love you, miss you, wanna carry on thing but all she said was ‘I don’t think we could ever go back to the way we were at the start’ so I’ve shut down now.

She’s been talking about giving stuff back to each other since the start of the break up. I told her we need to do it, as I feel I can’t move on until it’s done, baggage etc.

Everytime we organise to give things back she always has an excuse why she can’t. It’s really annoying me now and I’m begininng to hate her for it. I just want to get it done with so I don’t have to text her or call her again!

Yesterday was the 8th excuse. I told her I can drop it off while she’s at work or something but she doesn’t want to do it that way.

I also told her to forget about my stuff at one point, lets just move on. She sent a text back saying I’m childish, pathetic and immature. Later she went on about how much she wants a certain dvd back. Surely she is the pathetic one there? Also these texts aren’t really conversations anymore, just about when each other is free, about 3 or 4 every 2 or 3 days.

The relationship is over and done with, she’s made that clear by telling me it’s over. What can I do to give things back? And don’t just say block communication. I’m a decent guy and if she wants her stuff back she can have it, unless she tells me otherwise.

Thanks for your answer I’m pretty messed up with having to contact each other with this, I don’t want to say anything wrong. Just looking for advice on how to do this, obviously I still have feelings for her.

J

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Hello J,

First and foremost, we all have some form of baggage and there are a lot of people in this world that have trust issues. So no need to apologize for being this way, instead look at this as a life lesson, spend some time reflecting how it fell apart and what you personally could have done better. This way for the next person you will have a better understanding of yourself and will know how to apply this lesson to real life experience. Also, be patient with yourself love can be hard to get over sometimes!

As for the items, is there anything that she has at this point that cannot be replaced? And/or holds no personal/sentimental value to you other than related to your relationship? If not wipe your hands clean and tell her she can keep everything. If there is something that means a lot to you because a good friend or a family member gave it to you then she should definitely give it back.  If she wants the dvd leave it on her front door step.  It isn’t fair to drag this out for either one of you. It’s time to move on and wipe the slate clean!