I have a daughter with him, and so he could be closer to his job, I moved into his house, an hour from my family & friends. He never wants me visiting my family because he doesn’t like them, and has nothing nice to say about my family whatsoever. Because we live at his house, I don’t know anyone & have no friends. Whenever we do visit my house, we always have to leave early, and there always seems to be a reason why we can never visit. While my family has made an effort to get to know him, he makes no effort at all. He doesn’t like any of my friends so I never get to go out. He gets furious when I will treat myself to a coffee or something saying we don’t have money for it, yet he spends all the money he makes on drugs. I am a stay at home mom, and he took money out of my account I’d saved up and spent on drugs. I now have overdraft fees and he will not help me out with them at all. My parents are giving me money, and I always seem to be paying for things, yet he is the one with a job. He constantly picks fights, then says it was my fault we argued. I cook, clean, and take care of our daughter, but he says I’m lazy because I don’t have a job. Asking him for help is useless, it only causes an argument because he considers it “bitching” and according to him, that’s all I ever do. He has a terrible temper, and punches holes in walls, throws things, and yells and curses at me constantly. A month ago, he pushed me so hard I fell into a lamp and broke it, and he made me replace it. I’m starting to feel used, controlled, and unappreciated. What should I do? How do I set boundaries with him?
It’s time to let go and move back to your friends and family. You will need all the support you can get. Your baby’s father is an addict and because he has no control over himself he chooses to control you. You and your daughter deserve better and he needs to realize that by losing both of you. I am not saying that it cannot get better- but you definitely need to remove yourself from him until he is clean. I would recommend you start attending Al-anon meetings and talking with more people who are experiencing the same thing as you. Addiciton is a selfish disease- don’t let him ruin your life and the life of your child. He is putting you both at risk. It can get better- but you will need to tell him it’s all or none- and if he chooses to continue to use that is his loss.
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- Getting Clean and Sober (alcoholic.org)
- How Drug Addiction Can Cause Problems In The Family (benway.net)
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