How Do You Relate to a Gay Family Member?

Reblogged from Wholeheartedness:

This is a tough issue for me brought on by an upcoming event in our family. My gay brother-in-law is getting joined in a civil union -- sorry, but I can't quite bring myself to use the word 'married' yet -- and we have been invited to the reception, not the ceremony. I have mixed feelings about this event;  I don't know if I can really 'celebrate' it but I'm thinking about going to support my wife.

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I do not wish to create a political debate but at the same time I do believe it best to state my opinions just as much as everyone else does. When I was very young my mother always taught me to follow the golden rule. It's simple, it's basic, yet it's powerful and can be applied to all things. And of course in this case it is no different. I respect that other people may practice their religions or their view points. I have no problem with this and if this is your truth whatever it may be then that is what is right for you. Because we are all individuals, we all crave two things at the end of the day regardless of race, religion, sex, sexual orientation, and that is love and acceptance. True love and acceptance is a rarity because we all at some point have become jaded to some degree with the poisons of those who do not understand or are fearful of the unknown. We do not understand what we are not willing to know or be open to. I respect Todd's opinion and know that acceptance is a two way street. However at the same time I do not think it fair to say that "gay marriage" is "wrong". This is from an excerpt that he includes and he does later mention  ' Nietszche said “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.” ' And I believe that Nietszche was on to something that many of us forget. No one is ever truly right...but at the same token I believe that we must strive for what is right for us as individuals and accept that we will not always agree. And also realize that we all have our own path and our own pace in life.  For most of my life I have been great friends with people who just happen to be "homosexual". But it's funny to me because I never called them nor thought of them as specifically being "that". I just think of them are wonderful and fun people that happen to prefer the same sex. And who knows you could even take it a step further and think of it as they have the capacity to love all regardless of sex.  And to me, why and how would that affect my life... It doesn't, never has, and never will. I prefer to surround myself with honest, loving, and good hearted people. And if that is what you are then we will get along. That's it, plain and simple.  I'll take it a step further, what if I am liberal and don't want to be friends with democrats nor republicians? Well...then I've just cut myself off from people who might be smart, witty, fun, interesting, or that might make the perfect friend. It's the same for people whom fear homosexuality, political affliation, race, etc. By allowing ourselves to either ignore these "types" of people or by singling them out we are projecting our own fears onto others. And fear comes from a lack of understanding and a degree of ignorance. Todd I believe that you should attend your brother-in-laws reception because you love him despite the fact that he may love someone else that is of the same sex. And because you feel the way you do about the event who's to say that he did not invite you both to the wedding out of respect to your view point but wanted you to be included so instead he opted for the reception only?  This shouldn't be about supporting just your wife, it's about supporting someone you love regardless if you don't always agree. And who knows you might get to know his partner and find out why he's so smitten.  :) We all, myself included, need to learn that we are all human we all live, learn, and love in whatever ways work best for us, and we all have the capacity to love, accept, and respect one another, but the choice to do so is ours alone.  

Related articles

• You Are Who You Are & You Love Who You Love, A Ramble in Honor of Pride (wordsofhonestunwisdom.com)
• History on Gay Marriage's Side (thedailybeast.com)
• I'm a Gay Mormon Who's Been Happily Married for 10 Years [Confessions] (gawker.com)
• A Gay Man Leading A Straight Life (andrewsullivan.thedailybeast.com)

Over-worked and under appreciated- tales from a former bartender/server

So in a former life I was once a waitress/sever as well as a bartender. Contrary to popular belief these positions aren’t exactly as glamorous as one might expect. Serving people can be quite a fast paced and at times an intense experience. I figured I might do a little throw back and provide some details to this over looked and at times under appreciated position. It’s amazing how crabby people can become over food service at times. I recall once having a customer walk into a store and demand to be seated even though we did not open for another 45 minutes. When he was told this information he went on to say he had called ahead and had already driven over an hour to come to this restaurant and that he couldn’t believe that he couldn’t be served food. Mind you this was in the morning…and we served lunch and dinner- the food was prepared fresh daily so it’s not like we could just whip something up for him. Regardless, he ended up throwing an adult tantrum ” I will never come back to this store again, and just you wait I will tell everyone I know not to come here..” Yes, seriously… It’s just food people what is the big deal?! Another thing that I noticed that was truly depressing was how many people just assume that you should service them hand and foot. I am not saying that you shouldn’t receive positive and high quality customer service but at the same time you shouldn’t treat someone as though they are beneath you. I recall once going to welcome a table and offer drinks and literally had a 70 something year old woman put her hand in my face and say ” Um, excuse me go away, we aren’t ready to order drinks yet”  Her table mates just sunk into their chairs and looked down at thier menus obviously embarassed with how rude this woman had been to me. And finally the most flabbergasting truth about serving- as a server depending on where you reside- in most states you don’t even make minimum wage! Yes, this is yet a little known fact and truth of working in the restaurant industry. I have lived in Indiana and Florida the most that I have ever made serving hourly was $3.15 as a bartender and before that as a server it was $2.15. Yes, yes, yes, plus tips…but there in lies the problem. Most people make the assumption that you are making minimum wage…therefore they might think, “Hey, I know I just dropped $100 on feeding my family, and hypothetically I should tip you 20% which would be $20…but you make minimum wage so I don’t feel so bad giving you a $2 tip…” So at best I just spent an hour of my time wining, dining and sometimes entertaining you and your family for a measily $5.15… So here is what I hope that you as the reader can take away from my post:

-be kind to those that work in the service industry
-realize they might be under paid so tip accordingly
-recognize that the food is only half of the experience and that good service matters

Have you or someone you know worked in the restaurant industry? Do you have some funny or ridiculous stories that you would like to share? Please feel free to comment below.

*If you have a topic or question please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

 

Fall in line or out of place…

I am having a really simple wedding. I want it to look casual and simple. I feel like I am far from a monster bride. I have not asked my bridesmaids to do ANYTHING…like no help, no dress fittings. I bought all of their dresses and said I was more than happy to pay for hair and make up. I bought their shoes and paid for the hotels for all of them for the night before. I am not even wanting or expecting a bachelorette party or shower because I have been married before.One of the FEW things I have asked is for everyone to wear their hair down. I am wearing my hair down and I think a updo would look too formal. One of the bridesmaids has basically told me she doesn’t want to wear her hair down and she intends to pay a professional to give her an elaborate updo. I have tried asking nicely and all I basically got was a “what are you going to do about it?”If I kick her out of the wedding it will create incredible drama with my friends, which I don’t need. But I feel like it’s tacky to have her with a more involved hairstyle than anyone else, including me would have. What would you do?

-Gracious Bride

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Dear Gracious Bride,

Wow, I would love to be a part of your wedding! Most brides don’t have the budget nor the conscience to think of the cost, time, and effort that goes into being a part of the bridal party. You are making this so easy and thoughtful for those involved, it should be reciprocated. I think if I were you I would be straight with her. ” Our friendship means a lot to me and this day is very important, I would really like you to be a part of it. I have something envisioned that I think will make everyone look cohesive and really set the tone for the wedding. I would really appreciate it if you would respect my wishes for this day and go along with the plan” If she says no then you need to decide if it’s worth it or not to fight over. I would think your other friends would support you in this matter seeing how gracious you have been. Maybe they can talk her into it. In the end its your day and all the focus should be on you anyway and most likely it will be. It might make the photos look weird but at the same token years from now you can look back and chuckle about it.

* If you have a question or topic please contact me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com