It’s been quite some time since I posted a blog, I ask for forgiveness from my fellow bloggers as that is a BIG no-no! But to be honest, I think that if the content that is provided is good and people enjoy what I bring then maybe I should go against the grain and not try to live up to someone else’s expectation of me let along the expectations I put on myself. And that alone is what I wanted to explore today. In my haitus of not composing this blog I have been doing my usual routine but on top of all that I have been exploring and reigniting my passions for singing and musical theater, preparing for my husband’s transition from Marine back to civilian, exploring my thoughts and ideas about my future career, and further connecting with my spiritual endeavors. It’s been a lot, and so much has transpired that there is no way in one posting could I ever explain all of it. One major pivitol lession that has come to light is how I view myself and how others view me. There was a time when I could careless what others thought of me, however things changed and support systems were removed/distanced and I lost self. But with all of this so much has changed and so much has been learned. I am reestablishing who I am and who I want to become. And I am grateful for every moment that has occured to get me to where I am now and where I plan on going to next. And in viewing myself with more grace and acceptance others are starting to follow suite as well. It’s about creating goals but also boundaries for others. Self-respect and self-love at the fore front. When we take care of ourselves the rest will follow is a true and valid statement. I will do my best to post on a regular basis however I do not believe that daily will be possible anymore. I will try but no guarantees. I want to keep living my life and learning along the way. And my hope and ulitmate desire is for others to learn and grow right along with me. So many people in this world focus on the negative then become bitter because someone else didn’t do the right thing. The only person whom we can be accountable for is ourselves. Hold yourself true to who you are and be opening and willing to learn from your mistakes. We are all here to help each other and push through this together. Don’t shy away because one person or a few people just aren’t ready for this type of lifestyle. Follow your heart and your path the rest will follow.
Why no home, no degree, no wife nor kids? All of my friends my age already have degrees, good jobs, nice homes and a family. I worry that I will never have any of those things and will die alone sooner. What have I done wrong? Should I be happy regardless?
A lot of people have achieved various successes/milestones throughout their lives and on their own timelines. I wouldn’t focus so much on what others are doing or achieving. What do you desire and what do you want out of life? Prioritize, organize, and create a plan. You can set small and big goals, either way start moving forward within your own life. We have struggles and difficulties within these goals- it’s a process. Not everyone will know because most people aren’t willing to admit that some things are tough. Again, I would focus on yourself and what you want out of life. It’s a journey and everyone has their own path. Focus on yours
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I have been in a relationship with my fiance for 6 years now, bought a house last year and have a 2 year old daughter. However, for some time now (on and off for about 3 years) I have been questioning how happy I truly am in this relationship. When I have been looking at other forums on the subject I find alot of people have to deal with abuse, divorce, affairs which is nothing like what I have to deal with and I feel abit silly for the things I do deal with and complain about. I hate the way he talks to me sometimes, he can be disrespectful (his father oftens talks to his mother this way so no doubt his upbringing obviously plays a part) he can be quite serious and is meticulous in cleaning as in he wants the house to be clean all the time. With me working part time and being a mother I find it difficult to do it to his standard all the time, let alone having his dinner on the table when he gets home from work. He snaps at me sometimes (especially when he has been without marijuana for a while – he is trying his best to quit this) and in general conversation he can get quite uptight and angry. He is not like this all the time but it is happening more as time goes on. I have spoken to him about these issues and have almost left the home a couple of times, things change for abit but then he reverts back to his ways. I know I should be happy as in a sense I have everything I wanted, a home, children, someone who I know will never cheat on me (I have been hurt in the past so this means a lot to me) but I just find myself not feeling the love I should anymore. We still have sex which is great when it happens but it can take abit of initiation on his part for me to be interested. When he’s being horrible, I just don’t feel like putting out but sometimes I do just to keep the peace and keep him happy. Apart from the above, he is generally a decent person. He works all week long, pays most of the household bills and I know if it came to it, he would do anything for me or our daughter. Despite this, I have been feeling this way for a long time now but just cannot seem to find the courage to go. It goes completely against my grain to have children and then split up and have a weekend father. I was brought up in this environment and both my sisters have had children with men and broken up. I promised myself that I would not let this happen to me and that the person I have children with is the person I would be with for life. So I am feeling extremely torn in my belief system and my happiness. I sometimes think of life alone with my daughter and feel a sense of relief but at the same time I think of him with someone else and it hurts. I know this is not the right reason to stay with someone and I do love him but I am quite indecisive in nature and am so worried that if I go and realise that I’ve made a mistake, that he will not take me back. This would be a huge regret and with my daughter to think about, is not a risk I can take unless I am absolutely sure it is what I want. My brain tends to be overactive and I find it extremely difficult to calm my thoughts long enough. I feel like I am thinking about it every day and it is exhausting. I just wish I knew what to do, make a decision and stick to it. If any one has any advice, I would love to hear from you.
I think a few things need to addressed first. Number one you should never have sex with someone just to keep the peace or make that person happy. The point of sex besides feeling nice is also to create an intimate and deeper bond between the two of you. By just giving in you are detaching yourself from the connection. This is not healthy. If you are both willing I highly recommend marriage counseling. It will help each of you figure out how to communicate, relate, and understand each other more effectively. If this is not an option for you then I would recommend you take care of yourself and your child. Otherwise, you are teaching your children (child) that being verbally/emotional abused is ok. It is good that you realize that your husband learned this behavior early on. A lot of people do not make that connection. The good news it can be changed and modified if he wants to change it. It will take some work on both of your parts but it can be accomplished. I hope you find peace and happiness.
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Why doesn’t my dad love me? He never acts like he’s proud of me no matter what I do. He is very selfish and always,accuses me of being the selfish one, which I can be sometimes but not as bad as him. He always tells me I’m a burden to him and he calls me a bi*ch all the time. Sometimes he acts like he is going to hit me. Why does he hate me? I thought all fathers loved their kids?
-Desperate for my Father’s Love
Your dad was probably raised the same way that he treats you. This doesn’t excuse his behavior. It could just be a repeated pattern. Sometimes people just don’t understand the dynamic of love nor how to show affection. You are deserving of love and appreciation just as much as he is and should have received as well. You cannot change his past, but you certainly can change and shape your future. Find strength within yourself and knowing that you are doing the best that you can do for yourself and your future. Then one day when you have children you will be able to provide them the love and attention that your father is incapable of providing you now.
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Even when we know it going nowhere and we have tried our best to work things out, why is it still hard to let go. I know he has issues which he won’t address and I got tired long ago with taking on all the responsibility. I am in a better place within myself and working on self care but has anyone any suggestions to help shake the feeling of defeat. For so long I believed that my efforts and love would change him – yes that old story – it is just nonsense. These feelings linger even when I tell myself I deserve better etc. Thanks.
-Trying to be Strong
Dear Trying to be Strong,
Any time someone is emotionally invested into a relationship that’s where things always get hard. Emotions have a way of confusing us of what is really at hand. You know now that this person has no intention of bettering himself. This in the end was and still is his choice. You choose to look at the bigger picture and realize that something needed to change. So you did, and he choose not to go along. Again, this was his choice. In the end we all have an equal share of the relationship there has to be some balance- otherwise when the it tilts one way this is what happens. You did what was right for you- you will find happiness again, you should definitely speak with a therapist and figure out why you choose to be with this person in the first place. There is more here, but for you specifically to learn from.
What are your thoughts or experiences when it comes to moving on? Please feel free to comment below.