How Do I Convince My Mom to Come to My Wedding?

My fiancée and I have known each other since we was in 11th grade (I’m 25 now). We went out our whole 11th grade year until she finally dumped me on our 9th month of us being together because she cheated and got pregnant. I honestly still wanted to be with her but she said she didn’t feel right because how bad she hurt me (I admit she was my first real girlfriend and when I found out that broke my heart to the point I cried all night and slept for two weeks straight almost).
Well Tiana had her son that January and she still talked to me through her pregnancy. She never stopped being my best friend. Once he was born I feel in love he was my little buddy and I was always over at her house with him (no she didn’t have me taking care of him. I wanted to be there.)
Her sons father was a “thug” and long story short made her son end up being killed when he took him into a middle of some stupid stuff. After that she moved away and I didn’t see much of her except even she came to visit her mom because staying there was to much for her. I ended up getting my heart broke again and after that my mom point blank couldn’t stand her.
Well she ended up moving back 3 years ago and at first I was just her roommate then it went to us being together and now we are getting married. She has a little girl who’s 4 and I swear I love her like shes my own. My whole family loves them both and accepts them both even my mom says she loves Tiana’s daughter.
But she hates Tiana she’s convinced im just going to get my heart broken again. Then even told Tiana she’s tired of her having me play daddy.
We are getting married in September and my mom says she’s not coming to “see me get heartbroken again”.
I don’t know what to do because my whole family is beyond happy and wants us to get married except her!
How do I get my mom to understand I love her? We are both grown adults and know what we are doing

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Love is blind. I understand your mom’s hesitancy to accept this woman back into your life. But it’s just that, your life. I would ask that she sit down with you and let her know how you feel. That you understand she is trying to be protective but at the same time you need to live your life and learn at your own pace. Let her know how important it is to YOU that she be there on your day not your fiancé. Just be honest and speak from the heart and she should come around. If not, don’t get too upset over it, you also need to respect her decision, she doesn’t want to see you hurt.

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gamil.com

Related articles

• Family Dynamics & Weddings (honestgoodadvice.wordpress.com)
• Celebrating My Mom’s Life: 31 Things She Taught Me (blogher.com)
• Motherly Love (woodlarkevents.com)
• Stop telling me that “things are going to be so hard” (niederfamily.blogspot.com)
• How I wish I told Her I love Her (knowledgetagger.wordpress.com)

Fall in line or out of place…

I am having a really simple wedding. I want it to look casual and simple. I feel like I am far from a monster bride. I have not asked my bridesmaids to do ANYTHING…like no help, no dress fittings. I bought all of their dresses and said I was more than happy to pay for hair and make up. I bought their shoes and paid for the hotels for all of them for the night before. I am not even wanting or expecting a bachelorette party or shower because I have been married before.One of the FEW things I have asked is for everyone to wear their hair down. I am wearing my hair down and I think a updo would look too formal. One of the bridesmaids has basically told me she doesn’t want to wear her hair down and she intends to pay a professional to give her an elaborate updo. I have tried asking nicely and all I basically got was a “what are you going to do about it?”If I kick her out of the wedding it will create incredible drama with my friends, which I don’t need. But I feel like it’s tacky to have her with a more involved hairstyle than anyone else, including me would have. What would you do?

-Gracious Bride

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Dear Gracious Bride,

Wow, I would love to be a part of your wedding! Most brides don’t have the budget nor the conscience to think of the cost, time, and effort that goes into being a part of the bridal party. You are making this so easy and thoughtful for those involved, it should be reciprocated. I think if I were you I would be straight with her. ” Our friendship means a lot to me and this day is very important, I would really like you to be a part of it. I have something envisioned that I think will make everyone look cohesive and really set the tone for the wedding. I would really appreciate it if you would respect my wishes for this day and go along with the plan” If she says no then you need to decide if it’s worth it or not to fight over. I would think your other friends would support you in this matter seeing how gracious you have been. Maybe they can talk her into it. In the end its your day and all the focus should be on you anyway and most likely it will be. It might make the photos look weird but at the same token years from now you can look back and chuckle about it.

* If you have a question or topic please contact me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

Here Comes the Bride…

I have two people currently in my life who are planning their own weddings. It seems like a daunting task however it can be easily accomplished on your own with the help of your friends and family. So, here are just a few tidbits that I found helpful from planning my own wedding.

Step 1.

Decide where you want your or your parent’s hard-earned money to go! The groom and bride to be should both sit down and list the top 10 things they find to be the most important about their special day. You can do this together or separately either way by doing this exercise it lets you see where most of your budget should be focused. Your list could include but is not limited to any of the following: venue, transportation, photographer/videographer, food, the cake, liquor/beer, decorations, dress/suit, bridal/groom gifts, wedding favors, etc.

Step 2.

Set out a time line. Again, for some planning a wedding is overwhelming. Spread out the tasks so that way you focus on different areas each month rather than all at once. This will include everything from introducing the parents to one another, selecting a venue,  ordering favors etc. If you want a more in-depth guide there are a ton of websites that offer free wedding calendar checklists.

Step 3.

Get creative and think outside of the box. The best way to save money is to do a lot of the  work and research yourself. I planned my wedding in roughly 2 weeks 3 months before the actual date. I am a planner so this definitely kept me on my toes- it was the only date that everyone was available to fly cross country…Keep in mind- I was stressed out and in hyper-drive…so I do not reccommend people going this route! Give yourself plenty of time and enlist plenty of help!

Step 4.

Don’t be afraid to ask questions or explore other options. I was able to book my venue at a discounted price because my husband was active military. I know that not all of my readers have this advantage, so another way to receive a discount for the venue is schedule the wedding on a slower day. You can always ask the venue what days are usually their slowest- generally this will be the middle of the week or in the morning. (Keep in mind this might cause issues for your guests.) Weekends and nights are the most pricey because that is what is in high demand.

Step 5.

Buy a used dress. I saved 44% on my wedding dress because I didn’t buy new.  I purchased a floor sample at a local boutique and then took it to a tailor to be altered and cleaned. When I got the dress back it looked brand new- the beading that was loose had all been sown back into place, the stains at the bottom of the dress from being brushed against the floor- gone, the tiny rip- vanished. If you have a thing with wearing something that was once used you can still save. There are tons of people on ebay that offer custom dresses. Most of these vendors are based in China (where most of the dresses we buy are made to begin with) and will require your measurements and color selection. Generally, the pricing is around $200 per dress. The one draw back to this is that you have to wait anywhere from 1-4 months to receive your dress. I prefer to see and touch what the material before I buy something, but if this is a better option for you then happy hunting!

Step 6.

A little well-known fact that is surprisingly obvious, (oxymoronic statement yet it’s true) the business of getting married is just that— a business. Unfortunately, marketing and sales teams are quite well aware of the psychology behind this special day. They know that you have spent your whole life waiting for the day to become Mrs. and wear the most beautiful dress on earth that makes you look amazing! Don’t be fooled that you have to spend an arm and potentially a portion of your left leg in order to have the wedding of your dreams. Be realistic about your budget and if you over spend somewhere that means another area will have to be adjusted to accomodate. And remember- it’s just one day, important and special, but one day.

Overly Thoughtful Mother-in-Law

My mother in law has decided that she will be bringing my wedding dress for me from abroad. She asked if there is anything I like then I can tell her but frankly speaking I’d like to pick my own dress. It is my wedding and I am only going to get married once. I really appreciate her effort but she even brought my engagement dress for me which a) I didn’t like b) it was too big c) it didn’t suit me. I wore it to make her happy but I really would like to pick my own dress but I dont want to make her upset at the same time. Thanks for all the help.

-N 

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Hello N,

Relationships can be very difficult during the months leading up to wedding bliss. Emotions tend to run high and most lose sight of the ultimate goal.  I would recommend you buying a thoughtful gift or a nice thank you card for your mother in laws efforts. She wants to be a part of the event just as much as you do. Does she have any daughters? If not then she is probably thrilled to have a daughter in law that can help find the perfect dress. If she does have daughters, are they married yet? She is excited and willing to help with your special day so recognize her efforts. I do not believe her intention is to make you unhappy nor improperly dress you. Instead take her out to lunch (if feasible, if not send her a nice hand written note) and gently tell her that you really appreciate her thoughtfulness but instead you rather make dress shopping a fun event for her and your family and friends. Tell her that you have been dreaming for this day to come since you were a little girl and you couldn’t imagine sharing the special moment without her presence. This way she is included in the event but at the same time you don’t end up with a cheap replica from overseas. I am sure you will make a beautiful bride just remember to be gracious of those that are willing to help, even if it might not be to your taste.  Congrats and enjoy the ride!