Dear Honest Good Advice,
This is something I am very interested in, and if you know about reputable or reliable books or research done in the specific area of falling in love and people who fall in love quickly, please share.When I was younger, I would “fall” for and become obsessed with guys I barely knew. And then I snapped out of it… I began seeing what I wanted and what I didn’t want, what I could live without and what I couldn’t, and the fact that the best person in front of me now is not the best person in my future, etc.
To put it briefly, I got real, and I learned to difference between genuine interest, friendship, infatuation, lust, etc. I realized I don’t need anyone and it took only a few minutes to snap out of this.
Yet there are guys who claim to fall for me, and actually become nearly obsessed with me, periodically. I honestly try to help them and get them to see that I am nothing special and that they do not even know me, but they can’t see the situation for what it is. It’s kind of pathetic and I’m glad I’m not like that to anyone anymore.
But I want to know why do you think people are like this?
-Seeking Honest Love
Dear Seeking Honest Love,
I think when we are children we are innocent and curious about the world and how things work and interact. To some degree we are also mimicking what we see around us, relationships between our parents, grandparents, strangers, the media, movies, tv it’s all around us. We all have within us the need to feel loved and secure. Then as we age we learn how the world and life works for each of us and how we all coexist with one another. Now as to why would people just fall into love “blindly” without thought? Well to some degree it’s not completely thoughtless…or should I say it’s not just on a whim. Sometimes people find something in the other person, a common interest, or maybe they remind them of someone in their life presently or from their past that brought them comfort. Also, and interestingly there is the scientic notion of pheromones. Each of us has our own genetic stink if you will. These smells that we produce might instance one mate while on the other hand turn another away. The concept of love, lust, and infatuation to some degree is all entwined initially. If we didn’t have that initial phase of puppy eyed romance most of us would never procreate nor attempt to “love” someone else. It’s kinda like a smoke screen if you will, to lure each of you together. As for someone being obsessed with you maybe it’s not you but the mere notion of wanting something that can’t be taken. We all at some point want what we can’t have. And at the end of the day we are all special but no more than the other person. So if someone wants to love you or lust after you be appreciative that someone feels this way about you. It’s a compliment, it’s not meant to be an annoyance. And as for books there are a ton of them about relationships and love in any local bookstore in the Psychology section. Happy hunting!
What are your thoughts about love and infatuation? Do you have books or links that you can suggest?