Hi there, I’m in a bit of a situation and for months I’ve been unable to come to a solid conclusion. I am 19 years old and my partner is 18.I have never had much space between relationships as they have been long-term since I was around 14-15 and i missed out on many things due to this and other circumstances.The person I’m with now is the person I want to settle down with. We have been together for over a year now, and I know that they feel the same. But I can’t stop this feeling that in 5-10 years time when we have kids and are married I will look back and wish I had taken this opportunity to live my life to the fullest. Including meeting new people. We have talked about this, and its became clear im the only one who feels this way. But they are great, and try to make it easier by suggesting we go on a break etc but it never works. We have tried it all.I am in college, meeting new people all the time and being invited to parties. I love my partner, and this isn’t necessarily about other people. I have no interest in having sex with other people, or getting a new partner. I just want to have fun, be young and when I’m ready we can get back together and get married and have kids. They get jealous when I tease a friend, or get a little more “friendly” with them, without any meaning behind it. So it means breaking up with my partner if I want to act silly, and that’s something I can’t even think of doing.

Am I thinking clearly and maturely about this or should I just settle down and hope it doesn’t come back up in the future? Also, I don’t expect them to be waiting for me. That’s the point. If I break up with them because of this playing at my mind, then I’m afraid I will lose them. That’s why this is such a difficult decision to make.

-Cold Feet

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Dear Cold Feet,

You are young and have more than enough time to “settle down” in your life time. It’s always interesting to me how people focus on thier age and when they think marriage will be right for them. For myself personally, I always thought 22 sounds good and then having kids at 25 that way I can relate to them…. Interestingly enough I didn’t get married until I was 27 and we still do not have kids— here’s the kicker- I’m ok with that now. There is so much pressure to settle at a certain age. If you are concerned about regrets then don’t make one. Tell the person you love and respect them enough to know that you aren’t ready for that commitment just yet. They might be upset and hurt initially but I can promise you later on down the road whether you are together or not they will appreciate that you were able to look at the bigger picture, as will you.  If it’s meant to be, then it will be. There is an old saying that says “If you love someone let them go…” It’s very true, sometimes we need space and experiences on our own to truly appreciate what we had/or didn’t have within that relationship. You are young enjoy getting to know those around you and more about yourself. It’s wonderful time in your life that you shouldn’t miss!

* If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@hotmail.com

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