We are expecting our first child in May. I am sort of paranoid about things and I would feel more comfortable if I had a paternity test done on our baby just to confirm things. I don’t really think my wife cheated but anything is possible. I have a good friend who ended up raising a child for 3 years before finding out it wasn’t his. It destroyed him. I would really like to avoid something like that.

I was traveling a lot during the time of conception (August of 2011). I think we only had sex two times that entire month and we had been trying hard prior to then for about six months with no success. So I am a little concerned.

The thing I am concerned is with is my wife is going to probably be offended if I ask her for a paternity test. The implication is pretty clear and I don’t want to anger her too much. I am a little skeptical because of dates and my buddy’s experiences. I honestly would be stunned and heart broken if it wasn’t mine. I can’t fathom my wife would cheat on me AND get pregnant but better safe than sorry.

What is the best way to go about doing this without offending my wife? I am fine with waiting until after the birth to do the testing.

-Soon to be Dad


Dear Soon to be Dad,

I don’t foresee this going over well nor there being a way not to offend her. It sounds like you have issues with trust that might need to be resolved. If you ask her for the test then she will know that you do not trust her which in turn creates doubt and can lead to the end of your marriage. I would seek counsel on your own and explain the thoughts and feelings that you are going through. Then once you feel comfortable you bring her into your sessions as well. Once the baby is born if you still have doubts you can always buy an over the counter test and do it on your own. I would tread lightly however on this one.

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