I’ve been friends with this man online for over a year. After a split from my ex a few months ago we did get closer. Phoning each other every day and txting…we literally couldn’t go a day not talking. We realised we were getting feelings for each other so decided to meet a few weeks back. I love his intelligence, his sense of humour and our banter. We got on so well. Anyway we talked about making a go of it and he said he really wanted to try and thought I was amazing. But he did warn me his relationships never last longer than 6 months as he freaks out. A week later I woke up to a txt saying he loved and respected me so much he couldn’t do it to me. He didn’t see a future as we live an hour and a half away from each other. I wasn’t his usual type..and he just wanted to be friends. It was a nice message and I respected his honesty. Since then we have gone back to before..like best friends..he still messages every day..phones..checks I’m ok. Tells me he loves me and that I’m a star. Calls me beautiful. ‘ finding it so hard cause I do think ive fallen in love with him..I’m so confused he let me go just like that..but still contacts every day. Whats going on? Is it best i break contact..? When he sent the txt ending it…all I said was its cool I understand. Did he want me to fight for him? Or did I do the right thing.
I don’t blame you for feeling confused. It sounds like to some degree he doesn’t have the gusto to move past his fear- and if you really love someone you need to be brave and open. I don’t think it’s fair that he is sitting on the fence and still treating the relationship the same- this can cause major confusion. I think that you should ask to meet with him and express your feelings. Tell him that you understand that he thinks he is being respectful by not moving forward but in reality he is just hurting you and toying with your emotions. We all have skeletons or things that we might be unsure if someone else is willing to deal with. But that’s just it- there is always someone that is the right fit and balance for us. That can also help us grow and become a better person at the end of the day. I think you need to ask yourself if you are willing to take that risk or if you need to move on. I would first talk with him and dig further into why he bails after 6 months. Is it a fear of having to be committed and the assumption that you expect it to go somewhere like moving in or marriage? If are ok with just having someone there but never fully committing (which works for some people) then great. I’m not a fan of ultimatums but if you aren’t a fan and do desire something more then you need to be honest with him and tell him that you love him and want this to work. And if he isn’t willing to at least try then you can’t continue to “play along” when there will never be a happy ending.
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