A few years ago I met the “perfect girl” after about five years of being perpetually single.   I was not taking care of myself, I never slept, lived to go out and party, chased girls for all the wrong reasons.  This “perfect girl” I met was very different from a lot of the girls I had been chasing.  I finally talked her into dating. About two years ago we got married.  I have no reason to want for anything, she is a people pleaser, will do virtually anything I ask of her.  She helped to make me a better person emotionally.   Will be a great mother someday if we go down that road.  I am extremely satisfied with everything about her.  She takes very good care of herself physically, is a very attractive “girl next door”. Our romantic and sex life is everything a person could want. I’m serious when I say that i never want for anything…  Yet…  I find myself tempted all the time by girls I would have chased before her.  I am a dirtball.   There is no reason for me to want any other female.  While engaged I knew that she was never going to be like those other girls that I was chasing and I was perfectly happy with that thought.     A few weeks before we got married while out with some guy friends I met an old flame.  Everything about this girl spelled trouble.  Yet I found myself so sexually attracted to her, and she knew it.  We ended up doing little more than drunkenly making out, but I don’t know if I could have resisted the temptation to go all the way had we been in different surroundings.   I knew it was wrong.  I felt like shit and put it behind me though. This old flame is once again trying to get into my life.  I don’t answer her calls, but she leaves very inappropriate messages, and sends picture messages all the time of herself.  I know that I am only attracted to her still because of how i used to live my life and the porn star sexual life we had…  There is no logical reason for anyone to leave what I have with my wife for this other girl.   I would be ridiculed forever by my family and friends.  I guess I don’t really know why I am rambling on.  My wife does not know about this other girl but she does know how I used to live and the girls I used to chase. I feel like I am addicted to girls I shouldnt be.  Maybe I just need to grow up?  Maybe I need to seek counseling for some sort of sexual addiction?  I’m confused and scared if I do nothing I will find myself in a situation that I don’t need to be in.  I love my wife very much and I don’t want to cause any problems in our great relationship.


Thank you for your honesty and courage to be so open with your thoughts and experiences. I think it is a very common and a normal feeling for humans to desire things that we cannot have. And to sometimes reflect about how we used to live our lives when we were younger. Let me ask you this, if you were to cheat and she were to find out what would happen? I am sure you have already considered the scenario since you are still abstaining. What is it about these girls that you find attractive? Is it the thrill of the chase? Or because it’s something you know you shouldn’t have? Marriage is hard- it takes a lot of patience and work. New things become old and we need to find a way to make them fresh again. In my experience if I am uncertain of something I ask myself ” If the roles were reversed how would I want my spouse to handle this situation?” In the end what matters is trust and honesty in a relationship. It is good that you are being honest with your feelings and if you think this will be an ongoing problem that you cannot move past then I do think it wise to go see a therapist. There very well could be a deeper routed issue that you haven’t been able to move past just yet. As for the girl who is attempting to to lure you away you need to tell her that her advances are not welcome and she needs to leave you and your family alone. One message should suffice and if she continues ignore her and she should eventually leave you alone. I certainly hope that this helps! Best of Luck!

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