Archive for June, 2012

A friend of mine =) I love that it’s full poetry-enjoy!

What is wrong with a wife that marries a man that doesn’t want to work? In contrary, what is wrong with a woman that wants a man that can’t provide for his family, and she wants to be the provider?  Does it make her feel in control?  I have a sister like this, and she loves it that she’s a provider and that he does not provide for his family. One response is this: That’s fine if the wife is the breadwinner and makes the money. More power to her. But, it is only natural for a man to work and be a provider. It is instinct, just like it is for a woman to be a mother. If he can’t do that his self-esteem goes down, thus feeling less of a man. Anybody else have opinions?

I do not believe there is anything wrong with a woman being the bread winner or supporting the family compared to a man. I think that the relationship and it’s dynamics are dependent upon the two people involved. If that is what works for them so be it. It’s their lives and their choice to how they work out the logistics. Many times people put to much weight into what is “natural instinct” yes we have them but at the same time each of us is different. If being at home and taking care of the household needs is his perogative then thats great. It’s a lot of work so it’s not like he wouldn’t truly be “working”. We all need a purpose in our lives and if that means working to provide or working to maintain the household whatever works is still a purpose and has a meaningful impact.
*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at

❤ IT!


Don’t Quit

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill,
When funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh.
When care is pressing you down a bit.
Rest, if you must, but don’t you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns
As every one of us sometimes learns.
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out:
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow –
You may succeed with another blow.
Success is failure turned inside out –
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt.
And you never can tell how close you are.
It may be near when it seems so far:
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit
It’s when things seem worst that you must not…

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I do not wish to create a political debate but at the same time I do believe it best to state my opinions just as much as everyone else does. When I was very young my mother always taught me to follow the golden rule. It’s simple, it’s basic, yet it’s powerful and can be applied to all things. And of course in this case it is no different. I respect that other people may practice their religions or their view points. I have no problem with this and if this is your truth whatever it may be then that is what is right for you. Because we are all individuals, we all crave two things at the end of the day regardless of race, religion, sex, sexual orientation, and that is love and acceptance. True love and acceptance is a rarity because we all at some point have become jaded to some degree with the poisons of those who do not understand or are fearful of the unknown. We do not understand what we are not willing to know or be open to. I respect Todd’s opinion and know that acceptance is a two way street. However at the same time I do not think it fair to say that “gay marriage” is “wrong”. This is from an excerpt that he includes and he does later mention  ‘ Nietszche said “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.” ‘ And I believe that Nietszche was on to something that many of us forget. No one is ever truly right…but at the same token I believe that we must strive for what is right for us as individuals and accept that we will not always agree. And also realize that we all have our own path and our own pace in life.  For most of my life I have been great friends with people who just happen to be “homosexual”. But it’s funny to me because I never called them nor thought of them as specifically being “that”. I just think of them are wonderful and fun people that happen to prefer the same sex. And who knows you could even take it a step further and think of it as they have the capacity to love all regardless of sex.  And to me, why and how would that affect my life… It doesn’t, never has, and never will. I prefer to surround myself with honest, loving, and good hearted people. And if that is what you are then we will get along. That’s it, plain and simple.  I’ll take it a step further, what if I am liberal and don’t want to be friends with democrats nor republicians? Well…then I’ve just cut myself off from people who might be smart, witty, fun, interesting, or that might make the perfect friend. It’s the same for people whom fear homosexuality, political affliation, race, etc. By allowing ourselves to either ignore these “types” of people or by singling them out we are projecting our own fears onto others. And fear comes from a lack of understanding and a degree of ignorance. Todd I believe that you should attend your brother-in-laws reception because you love him despite the fact that he may love someone else that is of the same sex. And because you feel the way you do about the event who’s to say that he did not invite you both to the wedding out of respect to your view point but wanted you to be included so instead he opted for the reception only?  This shouldn’t be about supporting just your wife, it’s about supporting someone you love regardless if you don’t always agree. And who knows you might get to know his partner and find out why he’s so smitten.  🙂 We all, myself included, need to learn that we are all human we all live, learn, and love in whatever ways work best for us, and we all have the capacity to love, accept, and respect one another, but the choice to do so is ours alone.


Bright, shiny objects!

This is a tough issue for me brought on by an upcoming event in our family. My gay brother-in-law is getting joined in a civil union — sorry, but I can’t quite bring myself to use the word ‘married’ yet — and we have been invited to the reception, not the ceremony. I have mixed feelings about this event;  I don’t know if I can really ‘celebrate’ it but I’m thinking about going to support my wife. In the past, I would have refused to attend on principle but as a recovering conservative Christianliving in the gray‘ I am considering input from all sides. Recently, John Piper posted this Christian conservative perspective on relating to gay family members…

Is there hope for a relationship with a family member who is not a believer and is in a same-sex relationship, and who knows your Christian position?


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This is a wonderful story about self reflection and finding your true self in the midst of everyday expectations. I have the opposite problem that this young woman has. Basically, we are never truly happy with what we have until we learn to accept that we are who we are. It’s interesting to reflect on past life conversations with former acquaintances and friends who have all had the same great debate..Which is better small or large? I am “blessed” with being top heavy. I recall in high school wearing two bras…cause I didnt’ like the attention that they brought me. On top of that I too was in musical theater and loved to tap dance. Even with two bras dancing, something that I loved so much was a painful experience. Clothes never fit. If there was a prom or dance I would have to buy a dress 2 sizes larger in order for the top portion to fit. Swim suits were a joke. I would be limited to the mix and match section every season which would include basic solids or cheesy Hawaiian prints. Where my less busty friends were rocking the retro and modern fitted bandu tops and strapless options. Same thing with bra shopping it was torturous. I would spend over an hour trying on various styles and brands only to find one bra that fit. Needlesstosay, either way whether you have or have not there are always going to be pros and cons. I have come to realize that I love my body for the way that it is. And there are people who pay to have what I have naturally. It’s humorous to me in that I have a few friends who have given in and purchased their own set. And now they too kinda chuckle and realize that having them has it’s difficulties too. They too have trouble finding clothes that fit. Just cause you can fill it out doesn’t mean that it will look good on you. It might pucker by the armpit area. And as for button up shirts…well that is just entertaining in itself. One day it will be fine the next you reach for something and your camisole (you will learn that it is safer to wear one) will be in plain view. The best is when you don’t realize it until 10 minutes later…after you’ve interfaced with several people. But there comes a point in your life where you realize that, this is who I am and what I am meant to be. So you learn to accept and even love yourself for who you are. Enjoy the read, it’s a goodie 🙂


Jennifer Miller


Last October, I stood on a tailor’s block at a fancy New York City bridal boutique for my third, and supposedly final, dress fitting. The seamstress brought out the flowing A-line gown made of English netting and lace, and I held my breath as I stepped into the cloud of fabric and she began to zip. The dress clung perfectly to my hips and torso-so far so good. But the sweetheart cups jutted out over my size-2 frame like a pair of gigantic pastry puffs. Pastry puffs minus the filling. Needless to say, this was not the ta-da moment I’d been hoping for.

My mother had spotted this dress within weeks of my engagement and forwarded me a video of the model gliding down the runway, the fabric floating lightly around her body. It was love at first sight, not to mention something of a wedding miracle…

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When you’re in love with someone and in a relationship for 13 years and find out they are not happy being with you, how do you not feel like a total loser?  I’ve always thought she was the kindest most tolerant and accepting person I’ve ever met.  If I can’t make it work with her, what hope is there for me?  How can I NOT feel like a piece of s***.  She loves me and wants me in her life, but is just not happy.  Now she wants to start dating again.  How does one handle something like this? Feeling like a total waste of space right now. I am the one still in love with her.  Her announcement that she wanted to split was a total shock to me.  She moved into a separate room, but we’ve been sharing a house for the last 8 months and it has been a living hell for me.  She is so excited to be moving on and I’m sitting here feeling like my whole world was ripped from under my feet. She had told me that I could stay as long as I wanted and that it would be a few years before she got her life together and would even consider dating.  Now she wants to start dating again and I can feel that it’s time for me to leave.  I feel like it’s just more promises not being kept.  What happened to commitment?  To working things out?  I’m just devastated, have never lived alone and feel totally left out in the cold.


I understand that this is a hard time for you right now. Sometimes people grow apart unfortunately. It’s hard to find balance in life, family, careers, and self. It sounds like she loves you but has lost herself along the way. There are a few words that you have used that peak my interest- “tolerant” and “accepting”. What was it about your relationship that you think she needed to be tolerant of? We all have to bend somewhat for the other person but tolerant seems like a strong word choice. As for her, were there any signs that she was unhappy? Think back to when you first met and how happy she was and what she did when she was happy. Does she not involve herself within these activities anymore? What changed? 13 years is a long time for people to grow and experience life, is there anything that stands out? The crummy part about this whole thing is that it takes two to tango and one of the dancers wants to rest or dance with someone new that leaves the other person at a stand still. If you are emotionally able I would ask that she sit down with you and have a heart to heart and honest open moment. Somewhere in the mix of this communication wasn’t clear since this is such a big surprise to you. Through pain and heartache comes a valuable lesson. I would ask her what changed and what happened? You might not be able to change her mind but at least you will have a better idea of where it went wrong. Also, living alone might seem scary initally but it’s necessary for growth and learning about oneself. It’s unhealthy to flitter from one relationship to the next without providing pause to review the lessons that were provided. Give this time and reflection-the lessons will become clear and your heart will mend.

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at

I am a big fan of allowing adults to manage themselves and act like adults. I think this article is excellent and would allow people to really step up and make them feel like they meant something to their company. Enjoy the read 🙂

For many employees, a job is a place they go because they have to. They have to pay the bills. They have to get in by 8, work 8 hours, and leave by 5. They have to report to their boss because he has to report to his boss who has to report to… you get the idea.

If your employees are spending well over a third of their time doing things simply because they have to, it should come as no surprise if they seem, well, a little less than motivated.

I noticed this was happening at my company. Our top-down hierarchy only reinforced the problem. Employees were working in silos, instead of collectively, because they couldn’t really see how and where they fit into the overarching goals of the business. They completed tasks simply because they had to. I realized that the managers, execs, department heads, etc. were getting in the way.

So, a few months ago I decided to get rid of all the layers. Instead of a rigid hierarchy, I flattened the structure, threw out fancy titles, and reorganized the whole company into teams. It wasn’t an easy shift–it quickly became clear that some positions previously amounted to “middle men” and weren’t entirely necessary anymore, so I had to let some people go. We’re still adjusting, but I can say that even though we’re only a few months into it, it’s working: We all work in teams that self-manage. There’s no need for bosses or management to nag and tell people what to do. And productivity and motivation are through the roof.

Here’s how I did it:

The Team Philosophy

Individuals need to be managed, but teams manage themselves. The first step is to break down your departments (they’re not the same as teams). In a typical organization, you may have a marketing department that generates a lead, a sales department that then makes the sale, a production department that delivers, and a service department that supports the customer. But when you think about it, everyone should be working for the customer. So instead of employees residing in department silos, create teams that bring them together under this shared goal.

Then remove hierarchy within these teams. No one should have a “senior” or “VP” title. Leaders may naturally emerge within the teams, but there should be no official reporting structure. Initially, I thought my senior level people might balk at this idea. But once they saw the changes in culture and work habits, they got behind it. I let them choose their own titles–as long as they didn’t try to introduce hierarchy.

You also want to make sure your team’s goals are tied to company goals and company performance. Have your teams measure their own performance at set intervals (every two weeks or once a month may work). They’ll learn from their mistakes and continuously improve between milestones.

Take Money off the Table

Money is naturally a “have to.” We have to pay our bills so we have to make money. But thankfully money only motivates us to a certain point. Once money is off the table, this is when the real culture shift can happen.

Salaries are naturally hierarchical. But what happens when you eliminate hierarchy in your business? Don’t worry–it doesn’t involve flattening salaries across the board. (We didn’t lower any salaries at Ciplex, though we did give out a few raises.) You still have different pay levels but they’re not rigidly tied to certain job titles; they’re tied to performance. Now when I make a new hire I always ask the person what kind of salary she’s looking for and how much would be enough to get money off her mind. When the salary question is presented in the right way, I find most people are honest. We won’t hire the person if we can’t afford it. If a team member can pay his bills and not have to worry about money all month, you’ve accomplished this very important step.

Give the Gift of Autonomy

Autonomy is one of the biggest motivators.

Read more:

Green Gadget Habits

I am SO guilty of this with my laptop and my cell phone—over charging! If we could make a difference now why wait until it’s too late?

Wants Vs. Needs

We have become a society that craves attention from others as well as desiring to compete with one another for social, economic, and global domination. Many of us are victim to this cycle as well as many of us desire things that we want and do not necessarily need. It’s hard to find balance. We know what is right yet we choose to get caught up in thick of what everyone else is doing. Don’t be a sheep and follow the herd….do your best to do what is right, honest, and that remains to the core values of what we truly desire and need…not want.

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at


Balance is essential and we all have our moments where we have to regain perspective. Enjoy the read 😉