Category: Addiction

My wife and I have been together 3 years, married for one.  She has a 25 year old daughter who refuses to be responsible for herself. She holds a full-time job, but doesn’t make enough to support herself.  She now has a one year old of her own from a non-supportive, non-involved donor. My wife has been paying $500/month rent, cell phone and car insurance for the daughter, with no end in sight.  Her daughter recently got her license back from a DUI, ( $750 we paid to the Lawyer) but is facing two pending  cases of driving while her license was suspended. The daughter has recently taken two alcohol-infused weekends at the beach, which (the way I see it) we paid for.  Lawyer fees, court fees and fines… guess who will pay that? Stop the madness!   She will not cut her daughter’s support off, nor make her responsible for her own mistakes!   I have thought of Family or marriage counsel, but I feel my wife will just continue to support the daughter.   Any ideas?


You need to sit down and discuss this with your wife. And I think it very wise of you both to seek counsel. There comes a point in our lives where we have to let our loved ones learn from their own mistakes and take responsibility for their actions. Unfortunately, this is tough love. What your wife is doing isn’t healthy for herself, your marriage nor for the future of your daughter and grand daughter. The main concern here should be the child (grandchild) who unfortunately is the innocent victim of these circumstances. Your wife needs counseling. She thinks that she is being loving and nuturing when in reality she is just making the situation worse. I would be honest with your feelings, she won’t like what she hears but ultimately it is the truth and the behavior needs to be corrected.

*If you have a question and would like to submit a topic please email me at


At first, I was a bit upset, that this blog was a rather judgemental of other writers and bloggers that are attempting to be supportive and spread love and acceptance. However, as I read further I realized they were speaking of truth in a matter of being an addict (drugs, sex, etc). Not to say that there are not a lot of people who are addicted to their work, a certain life style, a person…. I think that everyone has their own path and will learn/reflect upon themselves in their own time and their own way. I get the frustration of doing a lot of work and then realizing that so many others are living in the dark. But the point is there has to be acceptance- if not you end up judging those around you for being who you once were… A bit hypocritical. No one is perfect. All we can do is try our best to become   the best version of ourselves. Maybe we will get to find the ultimate truth or maybe we will choose to live whatever lives we decide upon living. At the end of the day we all have a choice. Live in it, bask in it, but at the same time do your best not to judge others for they have walked a different path other than your own. And who knows…maybe they know a truth that you have yet to stumble upon.

The Places That Scare You

Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.” – Brene Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection, pg. 49.

We know we’re getting healthier as a person when we can start admitting the truth about ourselves—and about our own falseness—aloud, and not only to ourselves but to others.

The quickest and surest—as well as toughest and most demanding—route to mental health is to dedicate ourselves fearlessly and fiercely to truth and to reality—to the way things really are, and to the way we actually are.

The goal at first isn’t to change ourselves, because such attempts at changing ourselves will be inherently flawed until we have made it a real priority to dedicate ourselves to truth– and to practice choosing and living this…

View original post 970 more words

A few years ago I met the “perfect girl” after about five years of being perpetually single.   I was not taking care of myself, I never slept, lived to go out and party, chased girls for all the wrong reasons.  This “perfect girl” I met was very different from a lot of the girls I had been chasing.  I finally talked her into dating. About two years ago we got married.  I have no reason to want for anything, she is a people pleaser, will do virtually anything I ask of her.  She helped to make me a better person emotionally.   Will be a great mother someday if we go down that road.  I am extremely satisfied with everything about her.  She takes very good care of herself physically, is a very attractive “girl next door”. Our romantic and sex life is everything a person could want. I’m serious when I say that i never want for anything…  Yet…  I find myself tempted all the time by girls I would have chased before her.  I am a dirtball.   There is no reason for me to want any other female.  While engaged I knew that she was never going to be like those other girls that I was chasing and I was perfectly happy with that thought.     A few weeks before we got married while out with some guy friends I met an old flame.  Everything about this girl spelled trouble.  Yet I found myself so sexually attracted to her, and she knew it.  We ended up doing little more than drunkenly making out, but I don’t know if I could have resisted the temptation to go all the way had we been in different surroundings.   I knew it was wrong.  I felt like shit and put it behind me though. This old flame is once again trying to get into my life.  I don’t answer her calls, but she leaves very inappropriate messages, and sends picture messages all the time of herself.  I know that I am only attracted to her still because of how i used to live my life and the porn star sexual life we had…  There is no logical reason for anyone to leave what I have with my wife for this other girl.   I would be ridiculed forever by my family and friends.  I guess I don’t really know why I am rambling on.  My wife does not know about this other girl but she does know how I used to live and the girls I used to chase. I feel like I am addicted to girls I shouldnt be.  Maybe I just need to grow up?  Maybe I need to seek counseling for some sort of sexual addiction?  I’m confused and scared if I do nothing I will find myself in a situation that I don’t need to be in.  I love my wife very much and I don’t want to cause any problems in our great relationship.


Thank you for your honesty and courage to be so open with your thoughts and experiences. I think it is a very common and a normal feeling for humans to desire things that we cannot have. And to sometimes reflect about how we used to live our lives when we were younger. Let me ask you this, if you were to cheat and she were to find out what would happen? I am sure you have already considered the scenario since you are still abstaining. What is it about these girls that you find attractive? Is it the thrill of the chase? Or because it’s something you know you shouldn’t have? Marriage is hard- it takes a lot of patience and work. New things become old and we need to find a way to make them fresh again. In my experience if I am uncertain of something I ask myself ” If the roles were reversed how would I want my spouse to handle this situation?” In the end what matters is trust and honesty in a relationship. It is good that you are being honest with your feelings and if you think this will be an ongoing problem that you cannot move past then I do think it wise to go see a therapist. There very well could be a deeper routed issue that you haven’t been able to move past just yet. As for the girl who is attempting to to lure you away you need to tell her that her advances are not welcome and she needs to leave you and your family alone. One message should suffice and if she continues ignore her and she should eventually leave you alone. I certainly hope that this helps! Best of Luck!

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at

So my husband goes to an aa meeting and at his last meeting he has to bring a family member, it’s court ordered, so he wants to say he doesn’t drink. When he hasn’t stopped, he told me that if I don’t say he does..( Ill see what happens) so I dont know what to do, bc I want him to stop and I don’t feel like I have to lie for him.


You need to be honest for the sake of his health as well as yours. Addicts quit when they are ready to quit they cannot be forced. Don’t sacrafice your intergrity for his problem. I would definitely recommend you start attending family support groups as well. One of the hardest parts about addiction is denial. If you lie for him you are only feeding into this. He needs to face his demons on his own.

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at

I have a daughter with him, and so he could be closer to his job, I moved into his house, an hour from my family & friends. He never wants me visiting my family because he doesn’t like them, and has nothing nice to say about my family whatsoever. Because we live at his house, I don’t know anyone & have no friends. Whenever we do visit my house, we always have to leave early, and there always seems to be a reason why we can never visit. While my family has made an effort to get to know him, he makes no effort at all. He doesn’t like any of my friends so I never get to go out. He gets furious when I will treat myself to a coffee or something saying we don’t have money for it, yet he spends all the money he makes on drugs. I am a stay at home mom, and he took money out of my account I’d saved up and spent on drugs. I now have overdraft fees and he will not help me out with them at all. My parents are giving me money, and I always seem to be paying for things, yet he is the one with a job. He constantly picks fights, then says it was my fault we argued. I cook, clean, and take care of our daughter, but he says I’m lazy because I don’t have a job. Asking him for help is useless, it only causes an argument because he considers it “bitching” and according to him, that’s all I ever do. He has a terrible temper, and punches holes in walls, throws things, and yells and curses at me constantly. A month ago, he pushed me so hard I fell into a lamp and broke it, and he made me replace it. I’m starting to feel used, controlled, and unappreciated. What should I do? How do I set boundaries with him?


It’s time to let go and move back to your friends and family. You will need all the support you can get. Your baby’s father is an addict and because he has no control over himself he chooses to control you. You and your daughter deserve better and he needs to realize that by losing both of you. I am not saying that it cannot get better- but you definitely need to remove yourself from him until he is clean. I would recommend you start attending Al-anon meetings and talking with more people who are experiencing the same thing as you. Addiciton is a selfish disease- don’t let him ruin your life and the life of your child. He is putting you both at risk. It can get better- but you will need to tell him it’s all or none- and if he chooses to continue to use that is his loss.

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at

I just need some advice and I don’t want to talk to family and friends about this until I know what’s going on and I can’t talk to my husband cuz he’s the one that did it. Me and my husband have been together for over 5 years and married for over 2. I saw texts on my his phone on Friday from girls. After looking into it, I found out they are girls he met on dating sites that he created. He was talking to them about sex, saying he wanted friendship and a relationship, sending pics back and forth, asking for half-naked pics of them, talking about hanging out and getting together soon, not mentioning me or our 10 month old son, and a bunch of **** like that. I confronted him about it right away. He said he had no intentions of doing anything and he doesn’t know why he was doing it. Well, he’s in the army and he did all this while he was at work from his phone. And this isn’t the first time this has happened. He’s done similar stuff a lot. A week before we got married, he was talking to girls on MySpace about being friends with benefits and yes I found out and still married him. Then, he did it twice while I was pregnant through dating sites again and texting. He then deployed when our son was a month old. A week after deploying he was going to dating sites again and talking to girls on yahoo. He got back in November. 3 months ago he was sending emails out to the personal ads on Craigslist. So he was basically sending emails out to hookers. And now this. I know I have forgave him far too much. I just don’t know what to do. It’s basically like he had intentions of cheating but I caught him before he could cheat. And it’s hilarious that after I caught him this time, I was asking questions that I already knew the answers too and he lied about every one of them. Me and him have talked since then and he just says he doesn’t know why he gets doing it and that he’s a piece of **** and was actually crying which never happens. And I told him a good start to fixing this if possible would be to change his number.He doesn’t want to, he says it too big of pain to give everyone at work the new number.I just need some advice. I’m so confused, pissed, upset, disgusted, and scared.
And I don’t have a problem leaving. As soon as I found out I told him I want a divorce. It’s not like if I leave I’ll have nothing. I would easily be able to start a life on my own.
It sounds like you husband has issues with committment and a sex addiction. You need to remove yourself from this relationship as well as the child. If he is sleeping with other women he is putting you at risk for STDs. And the safety of your baby is compromised if he does this while he is watching the child while you are out. You need to tell him that he needs to seek counsel. I understand this will be difficult given the stigmata with the military to admit that you have a problem and getting treatment. (I am a military wife as well) If you are ok with moving on then this needs to happen sooner than later. I would also suggest that you seek counsel. It isn’t healthy that you held on for this long and it would help you in the future from repeating the same mistake.
*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email at

My little brother and his wife have a bad custody battle going on. There are accusations on both sides, some are true some arn’t. Proven facts: they both have ahistory of depresson and suicide attempts. They both have a history of alcohol abuse. His wife has a domestic violence conviction against him. He has a history of a bad temper and he hit his father in law and threatened to kill his friend. I am worried because I don’t want him to lose custody to his ex wife but he keeps effing up. He can’t afford to pay her child support and he does not have a job. Right now his wife has to pay him child support. Could this change? What can I do to help him?

-Concerned Brother

Dear Concerned Brother,

There is only so much that you can do here. The actions should be coming from your brother and his wife not you. I am not sure how much you want to be involved. You could help him get clean and start going to anger management courses, and/or you could petition to take custody of the children on your brother’s behalf. But that is a MAJOR life changing decision and would also mean that you would be putting yourself in the middle of this drama. But at the same time these kids are innocent victims of the selfishness of their own parents. You can also check out Al-Anon support groups for yourself and the kids if they are old enough. Some chapters have younger children support groups.

I’m 20, and my girl is 19. Both second year college students. We have been together for a year and 3 months, and have been really goods friends since the beginning of high school. So we are serious enough. We have met each other’s parents/families and have spoken about future living arrangements, even marriage. Here’s where it gets interesting. I have a drug problem. Or at least had. I smoked way too much weed for my own good, and before anyone says it’s just weed quit being a pussy, I have a very addictive personality, and I used weed to escape bad feelings. I’m very aware that’s all the wrong reasons to use, so please don’t lecture me about drugs. I know its bad. Weed destroyed my social life, and I don’t really have any friends anymore. For 6 years my only priority was getting high and escaping the reality of my situation. When me and my girl started dating and getting more serious beyond just friendship, I quit. She was aware of my past drug use, and always stuck by me and supported me through it. I told her I was done for good, and at that time, truly thought I was. 7 weeks later I relapsed, and I never told her about it because I didn’t want to let her down. Well one thing led to another and I was right back into it, doing it everyday, I started ditching her, making excuses, I really let it grab ahold of me again, which only made me feel worse. I hid the fact that I was smoking throughout our whole relationship, over a year! I always felt guilty and knew it was very wrong to keep hiding it from her. 1 week ago today I quit again because I knew I had too, And 2 days ago I kind of broke down and told her the whole story, how I lied to her, kept this secret. I couldn’t keep it all bottled up anymore. Obviously she is pretty upset, and that’s totally justified, I’m clearly in the wrong. But she has promised she loves me and help me get over it this time, together. We are very close, and have been for years so I never expected her to just pack her bags. My problem is, I care about her so much, and have always loved her, but since i told her what I had been doing, things seem different for me. She has reassured me she doesn’t feel any different, but for some reason i feel different. I feel like I don’t deserve her, the guilt and being shamed about it all is actually making me really unattracted to her. And I can’t pin point why. The past 2 days haven’t been fun, we haven’t been getting along and it’s kind of awkward for both of us. I’m confused on whether i want to stay with her and work on this problem, or just give her up and keep smoking. Sadly enough, the latter seems like the easier choice to me. But not the right choice. I’m still clean, but I want to smoke pretty badly. Life sober seems so hard, and I don’t necessarily know what to do or what to think. MY mind is this big storm of emotions and confusion and I really don’t know what I want. If I give her up I know I wont be happy, but im not happy now either. It seems the only time I am happy is when I’m high, but I know that’s wrong. I need some advice. Tell me what you guys would do, why do i feel so down, why am i pushing her away? Sorry for the length, but more info will help you grasp the situation better. Thanks a lot for any input.
Also, I DO want to quit using. I know its bad for me and it has destroyed some amazing aspects in my life. It’s the psychological addiction that has ahold on me. I have used weed as a friend, as my escape, as my “feel better when life is ****” drug. But I do want to quit.

Dear Lost,

In the end honesty is the best policy, I am glad that you were able to come clean. Addiction is something that unfortunately will be with you for a lifetime. I am not saying that you will use for that lifetime. What I mean to say is that if you recognize that you have an addictive personality then you will need to be mindful of what you involve yourself in. If you quit this and do not seek help you will invariably replace the addiction with something else. Generally, people who have an addiction problem either do not know or never learned how to cope with the stresses of life or they potentially could have a chemical imbalance so they “self-medicate”, and it’s a combination of both. I would recommend that you find a counselor that specializes in abuse and work on learning new behaviors to deal with the cravings. You can also join a support group such as Narcotics Anonymous (NA) or Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). I would also recommend that your girlfriend seek help as well. There are family and friend support groups such as Al-Anon. She can also check out “Co-Dependent No More” by Melody Beattie. You both will need support for this. And I know that it seems “easier” to just go get high. But you’ve already experienced loss by making that choice in the past. This will not be easy at first but over time it will get better. Good luck!

*If you have a questions or would like to submit a topic please email me at


Extension from 2/13/2012…


There has to be a full complete post as a follow-up to 2/13/12. It has nothing specifically to do with the stars and talent that we have lost. But more so to do with fact that we are facing an epidemic. Prescription drugs have taken over the market-heroin and cocaine are no longer the threat, instead it’s been replaced with pharmaceutical grade heroin known as Oxycontin. As well as numerous other marketed and abused drugs. My husband and I watched an episode of Vanguard this week that was covering this very topic and showing how easy it can be to obtain medications. Luckily the state that was providing the medications freely has recently began a data base to track prescribes and patients which will help reduce the amount of trafficking. The documentary showed that one person was able to go to several pain clinics for a minimal back problem and received over 2,000 pills in the course of one month….one person… Not surprisingly, he has since passed away due to overdose. This is a major issue and it just appears to be getting worse. We are losing celebrities, friends, and loved ones to this rising problem. In college I wrote a paper about drugs and the legal ramifications that were put in place to assist with the rise of prescription abuse. People who were/are addicted were/are thrown in jail–not that people do not have some say in the matter but it’s human nature for most to follow the crowd…if something is new and “hip” and available than most are going to try it. “Celebrities do it and so can I!” I don’t see this as a viable solution. Why are we not throwing the prescribing doctor’s who took the Hippocratic oath in jail? It’s greed that fuels this business, it’s all cash based. Why not start from the source and not the end result…we are working on this from the wrong end.

What are your thoughts aboutprescription drug abuse? Do you have a solution?

*If you have a topic or a question please email me at:

Another one lost…

I’m putting advice on hold for this one…As cliché as this will sound I am going to write a post about Whitney Houston. But I’m not stopping there, how about Amy Winehouse, Michael Jackson, Heath Ledger? Oh and the list continues… seriously there is a running list on Wikipedia of people who have died due to drug related incidences! This is just sad and troubling people who had/have a promising career who are lost to the battle of addiction. I know that nothing has been released yet as to what caused Whitney’s death but many of have the same first thought-overdose. Drugs are all to easy for people who have fame and wealth. Something isn’t right in this world when the talent that is left or just beginning to bud is taken away so quickly. Only to make a brief yet promising debut before the the beautiful spark is put out. I know that she will be missed- she is one of the first people that I recall singing along with in my childhood- she was (*cringing at using past tense right now) a solid and true singer. My thoughts and condolences go out to her friends and family. Keep on singing Whitney…maybe we will still be able to hear your heavely voice from above.

I just have to ask…how many more talented people do we have to lose from drug abuse before something will give?