Category: Dating


Online Dating-Good or Bad?

I have had and know several friends who have used/use online resources for dating. In today’s world everything except toilet paper has gone digital! I think because our lifestyles are set to move at such a rapid pace and that we tend to focus on the milestones in life as well as our careers we tend to lose site of the simple joys of dating and courtship. It’s amazing to me how many people whom do meet their partners online or even spouse they tend to be someone that lives in their neighborhood or close proximity of their living space. I am not saying this is always the case, but it does seem to happen quite often more so than one would think. Just imagine if we all took a moment to put down our cell phones we might have actually met the person in real life instead of digitally first. Again, I’m not knocking the service, I’ve known several people whom were so busy that it was the simplest way to put themselves out there without really…putting themselves out there. It’s so much easier to hit the decline button than it is to reject someone in real life. But at the same time I think as a human you are missing out on that experience. I’m not saying that it’s something to look forward to nor to enjoy. But it does help us learn how to handle awkward social situations better than just hitting a button and moving on to the next profile. Also, one thing to be weary about online dating are those that tend to over exaggerate or inflate themselves. Or use the site as a rotating girlfriend/boyfriend tool. Someone can sure look spectacular on screen but when you meet them in real life it’s not even close to what you saw and read on the profile! The thing is unless you are willing to be honest with yourself and others as well as be open then you will never move forward into a significant relationship. You both have to have similiar…not the same…but a common interest or view point to life. It will filter people for you and provide you with the “cream of the crop” to match you interests but if someone is boasting about how they are someone they truly are not then everyone will end up disappointed. If you want success play it smart and with honesty. Be honest with yourself and go off your first inital reactions when answering dating  questionarraires.  If you do decide to meet someone meet them in a public setting. It really does suck to lose the romantic side of being picked up and taken out…but remember anyone can create a profile and you might not get what you intended. So better to play it safe than sorry. If something feels off or wrong then trust that instinct it’s there for a reason. If you enjoy the date and things go well then be honest and tell them you’d like to meet again. I have never understood drawing out the process and making people wonder….It’s ok if you need the time to process but if you do have a great time then tell the other person that! Some great first date ideas would be the zoo, theme park, beach, basically something that allows the two of you to interact with one another with little distraction. Movies are nice but you basically end up sitting there watching the film instead of engaging with one another. What has been your experience with online dating? Has it been good or bad?

 

If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

 

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I have been divorced for a many years now. Certain behaviors caused me to believe she was cheating on me when we were together. I would kiss her and think she smelled like another man. I beleive we just have the instinct to  know, even though I did my best to convince myself I was just paranoid. Then she started running around to bars at night, etc.., yet claims to be innocent. Yet, when a man she is with exhibits such behavior che cries foul!! Now in my last long term relationship I noticed the same concerns, and she absolutely was cheating on me. But my ex has never confessed, and I never saw direct evidence that she was. She has been in two relationships that I know of since we broke up, and both guys she claims have been cheating on her. I wonder if they saw the same signs in her that I saw, and believed her to be cheating on them, when in fact she just exhibits all of the signs of a cheater but doesn’t cheat. Is that possible or just highly unlikely?

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At the end of the day you will never know if she cheats or not. She might enjoy the attention of other men but might not have ever cheated, she might have. If you are no longer with her then it’s time to let it go. The past is in the past for a reason, if she chooses to cheat then she is just creating her own karma. It’s time to let this go and move forward with your life.

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

 

My mom asked me if I thought it was normal to find another companion at her age, or if she should just settle. She been alone since she was 30 so she’s used to it, and I didn’t really know what to tell her.

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Love has no age limit, nor boundaries. If she is ready and willing to be patient it will be worth her 20 years of waiting 🙂 Be supportive and tell her that she deserves to be loved just like everyone else.

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

 

I am 42, divorced, I have no idea what I am supposed to do next in my life? I feel like I completed some circle in my life, and now I am at the same place I was before.
When I was young, I lived alone in small apartment that I rented, I was dating and had a lot of time to have fun.
Then came  marriage, with family life, kids, house  and mortgage.
Now I am divorced, my kids almost grown up, and very soon will not need me anymore, so I feel like this stage of my life is also over.
Now I again live alone in small apartment that I rent, I am dating, and have a lot of free time to do what I like.
I tried dating women my own age, but I failed to find a lot in common with them, since most of the date they usually talk about their kids, or even how their marriages failed. This made me realize that I don’t want to enter into a life of another family, woman with kids, ex-husband, and what not. Since they are with kids, they also don’t have a lot of free time.
I am now dating 24 y.o,  who I find more in common then,women I dated before her. We met at Indoor climbing group,  and we both like active pass time, like hiking,  doing challenging tracks, thing like that. So I spend a lot of time with her.
I feel lost and without purpose or goal in life. I have no idea, what I supposed to do with my life now, and where is it going from here.  I have no idea where I will be in 1 year on in 5 or in 10.
Have anyone been in similar situation? What is next for me?

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What’s next is up to you to decide. I am sure there are things that you always wanted to try or always wanted to do. Put it this way, if you knew you had one week left on this earth what would you do? Live your life this way. I am not saying spend your life savings or anything crazy but live in the moment of now. You are lucky to have had a marriage and a family at one time, even though it didn’t work out at one time it was exactly what you wanted. Now that you are here it’s time to find yourself again or maybe reinvent yourself. As for dating enjoy it and who knows you might someday find a woman and her kids or she might be solo and will be worth it. In the mean time find what makes you happy and brings purpose into your life. Do you like to travel, give back, a hobby or interest? There is plently to do so seize the opportunity since it’s before you.

My boyfriend lives 3 hours away? So I barely ever see him. And he came to visit for 2 weeks.  He says he came to see me.  But I’ve seen him about 3 times. And he doesn’t even call me or anything.  It hurts that he doesn’t even talk to me when I never see him. Should I feel like this? Should I be mad? What do I do?

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I think I would reevaluate the relationship it doesn’t sound like he is completely committed to it. If he is interested he would make the time to include you. I would try to talk with him about your concerns his response and actions will let you know where he stands.

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

Well, if you didn’t know June is the most booked month for weddings! Crazy and random fact I know…but first you have to propose before you can join in the craziness that is referred to as wedding planning! It’s always interesting to me how people will ask others for input on how to purpose. It’s sweet that they inquire to loved ones and friends but at the same time, this is someone you want to spend the rest of your life with- by now you should know what their likes and dislikes are. So here is one of the best pieces of advice that I can give to someone who wants to pop the question and make it über special! Make it personal and unique to the person that you love. For example, if you’re loved one is the adventure seeker or puzzle type create a scavenger hunt with the help of your closest friends and family members. Pick various locations throughout the area that were special and meaningful to you, ie first date, first kiss, first place you realized that you loved her/him, etc. Each friend and family member can be at that spot to provide the next “clue” of where to continue on. And at the same time call you and the next person to let them know he/she is on their way. It’s a very cool and thoughtful way to have everyone involved and making it sentimental. So to speak a trip down memory lane into a bright and new future together 🙂 If your sweetie is into food…well by all means bring on the munchies and yum yums! This is open to so many things- you could sign up for a cooking class, take her/him to new and best restaurant in town for dinner and have it come out at dessert or a champagne toast (This is a cool option in that you can come back to this place for anniversaries, to relive the special moment) Or if they don’t like over the top take them to a local hole in the wall and then pop the question. If someone is a fan of the outdoors make a picnic, go on a zip lining adventure or sky diving. You could enlist the help of a skywriter to write the message once you land. The options are limitless when it comes to ideas! Again, just remember to think about the person you want to surprise what do they love, is there something they’ve expressed always wanting to try or see? Just make it special and unique to them!

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

How to not lead a guy on, but at the same time not give the impression to him that he is friend-zoned? To not lose his friendship and be intimate like very close friends.

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I understand your question but at the same time this could be interpreted as a mixed signals. What is your ultimate goal out of this, you want friendship that could potentially lead to something more? If you are yourself around him then that’s all that matters. It’s one thing to “lead someone on” and/or take advantage. For example what is your body language around him? Are you touchy feely and constantly fawning over him? Or do are you more laid back and chill? Another way to avoid a miscommunication is when you are out with one another does he always pick up the tab? If you want to go the more friendship route then offer to split the bill. (I’m old fashioned so to me this sends more of the friendship route if you aren’t in a serious commited relationship.) If something is meant to become something more so it will be if not then that’s ok too. If one of you isn’t interested then just be honest with the other- that’s the best thing for any relationship.

 

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

 

We have been going out for one year both 19. We use to be perfect until this year when he suddenly started lying to me behind my back. From then on I started to trust him less and less to a point I would always feel uneasy when i wasnt with him.
I would always go through his phone and find texts from girls He had been signed up to several dating sites behind my back
He hangs out with girls who hate me
He lives with people who try break us up all the time. Im not even allowed over at his house because they wont let me in. whenever he is with me, they text him things like “don’t hang out with her.. come back to us” and he ditches me for them
He never sticks up for me I always had to pay for things and he would never pay. He didn’t even get me anything or plan anything for our one year anniversary. He ignores me for other people His room mates got him into weed so now he has become a stoner. HES A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON He treats me like **** So far I have deleted him off facebook, deleted his number and I have turned my phone off I have to see hm everyday in class so how do I cope?

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He doesn’t respect nor love you- he’s not worth your time nor your effort. He will regret this decision and the way that he treated you one day. He may never say or tell you but he will. You need to find things that make you happy and bring you peace right now. Pick up an old hobby or a new one. You’d be amazed how much you can get down when you are trying to distract yourself from heartache. Also, since you are in school focus on becoming the best person that you can be. Someday someone will recognize what a great person you are and won’t take you foregranted like he has. Keep your head up

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

Everything seemed normal about him, until the day I switched high schools. At first I noticed I would see his car parked in places where I walk frequently. I immediately was caught off guard, but I later convinced myself I was imagining things. A few months later, I was able to get a better look at who was inside the car; at that point I knew for sure it was him. For months, he would sit in his car; watching me, as I walked past his car to catch the bus everyday. He started appearing at every bus stop I would wait at and then it progressed to him following me to every job that I had. Within that time he was also able to find out where I lived; this went on for a total of 2 years. I kept trying to convince myself, that this will end, and that he will get bored stalking me– he never did. There would be periods where I would not see him (2 to 3 months time frame) then he would start stalking me again. He continued to stalk me the following year, not once making any effort to confront me or “talk”. When i then decided to go to college, he managed to find out the college i ended up attending (he followed my parents as they drove me to the college). Everyday after my classes, he would drive all the way down from our home town, to my college (1hr 30min drive). I was always one step ahead of him, so i pretty much predicted he would show up there. Before he found out the college i attended, i scanned the parking lots and took a guess at which one he most likely would appear at. A few months later i saw his car, sitting in the parking lot (the one i predicted he would be at). Again, I kept trying to convince myself that this will end and that he will stop- he never did. I was so overwhelmed by the stress of him stalking me, that i ended up having panic attacks every time i would walk to my classes. I soon stopped going and ended up withdrawing from the college. I was only in college for a year, but he really messed up my life. I am now having to complete my studies online.
Things were looking good for a while, I would go out with my friends and to parties, I did not see him in his car anywhere close by. A few months later I ended up getting a really good job at an office firm. I was really beginning to think the stalking days were over; I would drive to work and scan the area and never once did I see him in his car. I figured, since I did not see his car, he moved on from stalking me.. 3 Months later into my job I see him sitting in his car in my work parking lot (a new car he ended up buying, which is why I did not realize he was watching me, only until he made his appearance at my work parking lot.), just watching me. At that point, I realized he was never going to quit, this has been going on for 5 plus years. Due to stress, panic attacks and fear, I ended up quitting my job today. He showed up at my house recently as well (he stood outside my house for a while, until finally ringing the doorbell), I guess he was getting inpatient since he realized I am not leaving the house as much. I am starting to slowly lose my friends. All the guys who i begin to see, quickly lost interest in me, once they figured out my fear of going out places and being stalked by him again. My stalker has basically ruined what should have been the best years of my life. We are both in our early 20’s and I just don’t know how to go about dealing with this anymore. I don’t want to have this continue to go on for the rest of my life! I have told family members and friends, but since I did not take pictures or evidence they basically think i have gone crazy. The only person I have for support is my best friend, she is the only one who believes me. I would have taken pictures and proof if I knew he was never going to stop, but unfortunately he hasn’t. I have 5 years of him stalking me and zero proof. I figured after 2 or 3 years he will get bored, but he never did.
Note: I knew him from school, he was only an acquaintance. We never even dated! and this is how he acts
** I would have taken pictures but I thought he would stop! I never would of imagined that someone that I grew up with.. would behave this way? He liked me in highschool but nothing ever became of us.. I always found him to be strange in his approach. I ended up switching high schools and this is what happens!

 

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First, tell him directly in public, in a respectful manner to leave you alone and that he needs to move on. If he persists, start taking pictures, set it up to where you can use a buddy system so that you aren’t alone/have witness to the stalking, and file charges. You can get a restraining order on him. Have you ever directly asked him to stop and to leave you alone? You need to regain control of your life and your privacy. He sounds like a disturbed individual. Because you have done nothing he assumes that is what you will continue to do. You need to stand up for yourself. Here are a few links that might be of some help:
http://www.ncvc.org/src/Main.aspx

http://www.stalkingbehavior.com/whatnot.…

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

We dated for 3 and a half years starting Sophomore year all the way up through our first semester in college. I don’t know where I went wrong. I’ve tried everything to get her back and failed miserably and now I just don’t want to be miserable anymore. It’s been two months since the break up and I’ve been trying to get over it. I’ve been hanging out with friends, meeting other girls, and nothing seems to work. I’ve started working out A LOT and that doesn’t help either. I completely cut her off. When she texted me I wouldn’t txt back or I’d be intentionally rude to her to get her to stop texting. I blocked her on Facebook. Yet when I wake up in the morning she’s still the first person I think about. When I go to sleep she’s the last person I think about. I’m sick of waking up at night and feeling lonely without her. I’m sick of having dreams about her. I just want it all to stop and nothing I do works! Help!

(Details on the break up: It was not mutual. She left me for someone else and seemingly forgot all about me which just makes it all the more painful.)

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The best thing you can do is what you are doing right now, processing and keeping your distance from her. Love is beautiful and magical until it ends then it’s extremely painful but necessary. If she dropped you for someone else then realize that it is definitely not meant to be. And of course you still think about her because you were still in love when she broke it off. The best thing you can do is give yourself time to let go and move on. Time and distractions are the best thing to help. I would definitely find something that you really enjoy to balance your work schedule. That way it isn’t all work and no play. In a few months you will be able to look back at where you are now and realize how far you have come. But the best thing you can do is to let your head and your heart process what has happened.

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com