Category: Friendship


I have to say tinybuddha.com is an excellent source of knowledge on personal growth and grounding energy. This was WAY to good not to share! If half of the population took these into account just imagine what a world of difference this could make!

 

20 Ways to Show You Care w/out Expecting Something in Return

1. Give money you can spare to someone who needs it and then pretend you never had it.

2. Let someone tell a story without feeling the need to one-up them or tell your own.

3. Let someone vent, even if you can’t offer a solution, just to be an ear—without considering how well they listened to you last week.

4. Help someone who is struggling with difficult feelings by admitting you’ve felt the same thing—without considering whether they’d be as open with you.

5. Ask, “What can I do to help you today?” Then let it go after following through.

6. Tell someone how you feel about them, even if it makes you feel vulnerable, just to let them know they’re loved and not alone.

7. Apologize when you’ve acted selfishly, even if you don’t like feeling wrong, because it will remind the other person they deserve to be treated with respect.

8. Let someone else educate you, even if you’re tempted to stay closed minded, because you value their knowledge and appreciate their willingness to share it.

9. Forgive someone who wronged you because you have compassion for them, not because you know they’ll owe you.

10. Hold someone’s hand when they feel vulnerable to let them know you haven’t judged them.

11. Give your full attention to the person in front of you when you’re tempted to let your thoughts wander just to show them their words are valuable.

12. Assume the best when you’re tempted to suspect someone for no valid reason—even if they haven’t always given you the benefit of the doubt.

13. Accompany someone to an appointment or drive them to an interview when they need support just to help them feel strong.

14. Change your plans for someone you love if yours weren’t too important without questioning whether they’d do the same for you.

15. Teach someone how to do something without taking a superior position because they’ve likely taught you many things, whether they were obvious or not.

16. Leave a thoughtful comment on someone’s blog, not to build your readership but rather to show them how they affected you.

17. Tell someone you believe in their potential, even if they haven’t always shown you the same support.

18. Say no when it would make you feel good to say yes, because sometimes being kind means pushing someone to step up and try harder.

19. Tell someone you know they meant well instead of using their mistake as an opportunity to manipulate their guilt.

20. I’ve left this one open for you to write. How do you give just to show you care?

Read more here

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

 

The Power of Community

Here are 6 powerful reasons not to go it alone:

1. Collective wisdom. No one person ever has all of the answers, and regardless of the amount of Google-fu you may have, consulting with experts is always going to give you better information.

2. Pushing our limits. When working alone, it’s oftentimes too easy to give up when things get hard. By surrounding yourself with others working toward a similar goal or objective, you’ll get motivation, support, and friendly competition to push yourself just a bit further than you would have done on your own.

3. Support and belief. Some days those big goals just seem impossible. On those days when you most want to give up, you need to lean on your community the most. They believe in you—probably more than you belief in yourself.

4. New ideas. I truly believe that when you are working within a community of like-minded people that the wisdom of crowds is considerably greater than any one person working alone. Our divergent world views and lenses mean that we all approach the exact same problem slightly differently.

5. Borrowed motivation. Even on those days when your belief in yourself isn’t waning, doing what needs to get done can seem overwhelming. Look around your community and be inspired!

6. Accountability. If you’re an uber-responsible person, you may not want to admit to people you care about who are pulling for you that something didn’t get done. There’s nothing like having to be accountable to others to up your game.

I grabbed this from tinybuddha’s blog. I believe and agree with these 6 steps. We do need one another and support to achieve our dreams and goals. Sometimes we can become easily overwhelmed or unsure of how or even a method of when to start something. We all have our own experiences and life lessons. Imagine what we could accomplish if we were all brave enough to share our struggles and accomplishments!

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

 

His fiancé won’t let us be friends anymore? When my brother was younger his best friend used to come to our house all the time. I got to know him really well. We stayed in touch when he went to college, and I saw him when he came home. But hes now engaged and his fiancé absolutely hates me. I only met her a few times, and she was really rude and dismissive to me for no good reason. Also, he says she doesn’t like when he talks to me and wants him to unfriend me on fb. He refused, but we’re definitely talking a lot less now. The worst part is, I’m not even invited to their wedding and my brother is. I acted like it wasn’t a big deal, but it hurts so much. What is her problem? I hate that shes controlling him like this, and that hes going along with it. I’ve known him since I was like 10 and I’m almost 17 now so I’ve known him a reallllly long time. So it’s extremely dumb and pathetic that she’s threatened by me, when my friendship with him is NOTHING like that. What do I do?

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I would ask her outright why she is uncomfortable with your friendship. The thing is sometimes people assume they know something about someone else which is not necessarily true. I would ask if she could meet you out of coffee and be upfront with her about your feelings. She will probably be surprised how hurt you are about not being included in this special day. Maybe she is jealous of your long standing friendship and how you both can relate on a different level. Friendships and relationships all provide and meet different needs for people. She maybe jealous at first but overtime she will begin to realize that her soon to be husband needs his space and friendships.
*If you have a question or want to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

Defining Character

What is your definition of character? Is it something that you strive to be or is it something that comes naturally to you? I believe character is defined how you treat others as well as how you treat yourself. If someone needs help do you walk past them and continue to ignore thier struggle or do you stop, listen, and find a way to help? I am not saying that some people in this world might use this ploy to gain attention and sometimes financial gain. It happens alot unfortunately, but then right there that speaks to that person’s character for trying to take advantage of others. And for those of us that do stop when it isn’t necessarily or truly needed does that make us out to be a bunch of suckers…I think not. Again it goes back to character. You did was what right and you helped another persom that you honestly thought was in need. The intent was heart felt and meaningful. And based on karmatic law this will come back  to you 10 fold and because others probably have seen this moment of love and compassion they too might be inspired by your actions. So instead of becoming jaded and worried that the next person in need of help is just pulling the wool over your eyes, stop yourself and remember. One small act of kindness affects more than just you and that other person. Live and lead by example not by expecting others to do the right thing, but because you know that YOU need to do the right thing to be true to yourself and those around you. Sometimes when people go to that place of negative and only wish for self gain take moment and reflect and wonder what could drive someone to go to that place, a moment of deep desparation, lack of moral sense, loss of self? We cannot change others nor thier intentions but we can do is value, appreciate, and live by our own.

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

Ok here’s the story. If you were me would you go to a friends funeral ? The problem is that the day he died is the day he was served divorce papers and his wife was cheating on him with two other guys . She treated him like shit all the time. He was killed at a bar from a fight. I just don’t want to see her. But I want to b there for my friend. What would you do?

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Your presence would be there to support his passing and recognizing the life that he lived. It would not show support in his wife’s lifestyle. You should go for your friend, you don’t have to speak with her if you choose not to do so.

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

How to not lead a guy on, but at the same time not give the impression to him that he is friend-zoned? To not lose his friendship and be intimate like very close friends.

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I understand your question but at the same time this could be interpreted as a mixed signals. What is your ultimate goal out of this, you want friendship that could potentially lead to something more? If you are yourself around him then that’s all that matters. It’s one thing to “lead someone on” and/or take advantage. For example what is your body language around him? Are you touchy feely and constantly fawning over him? Or do are you more laid back and chill? Another way to avoid a miscommunication is when you are out with one another does he always pick up the tab? If you want to go the more friendship route then offer to split the bill. (I’m old fashioned so to me this sends more of the friendship route if you aren’t in a serious commited relationship.) If something is meant to become something more so it will be if not then that’s ok too. If one of you isn’t interested then just be honest with the other- that’s the best thing for any relationship.

 

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

 

A Map Back to Myself

For as long as I can remember I have had issues with worrying about everyone else’s problems instead of dealing with my own. I have also always been lovingly referred to as “mom” by most of my friends. The thing is they know they can come to me when times are hard and when things get rough. And they know that I will be honest, direct, and truthful in my advice. I know that this is a unique gift (or atleast I have been told that’s it’s a rare gift)  So I enjoy helping others that I do not know by providing insight into life’s random and sometimes confusing moments. However, there is a fine line in helping and losing ones self in everyone else. And I will admit that I have fallen victim to doing this. But, the good news is that you aren’t completely lost! With some patience and some effort you can get back to yourself and your happiness. For me this took some time but what I found worked was doing things that I found interesting and that made me happy. Things that were for me, and me alone and no one else. It sounds selfish but we must do what is best for ourselves. When we take care of ourselves in turn we are better equipped to help others. It’s a vaulable lesson that I am still practicing and shaping for my future. What are your experiences with life and finding your bliss?

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

No friends, dysfunctional family, depressed…I’ve lost contact with friends, I have a dysfunctional family and am very depressed. I’m also fed up of letting people in and them screwing me over. I’m told I’m beautiful, smart and witty, but I’m shy and depressed so people just don’t want to know, no matter how much of an effort I make. I feel like I’m always going to be an outcast with no one around. I’m only in my twenties and just have very little joy in my life. I suppose I just needed to have a moan.

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Well the fact that you are putting yourself out here right now shows that you are smart and wish for something better. There is hope in that alone. Everyone at some point and for some multiple points in thier lives has or knows someone who has/does suffers from depression. Sometimes it’s genetic sometimes its induced by outside forces in our current lives. And it’s ok that you are down but it doesn’t mean that you have to stay there either. I would suggest that you start out by going to your local gym and take a fun class. Anxiety and depression usually need release- you just need to find something that you are willing to try and that can help in a healthy manner. Or if going to the gym isn’t your thing how about walking or biking? Have you tried reconnecting with your friends? If they are good friends then they will be willing to listen and help distract you from what is going on at home. Just be honest with them and tell them that you’ve gotten caught up in the drama of home life and that you are having a hard. It will work out- it always does you just need to find something that brings you joy and a little bit of distraction right now. If these don’t work you should also try and seeking a counselor. They can be a great help at making it through difficult times.

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

 

First of all I am 31 and she is 29. I started dating my friend the last 4 months and we always had an amazing friendship. we would always joke around about getting married and having kids. she would do it a lot to the point that i didn’t know if she liked me or not. little by little  I started having a crush on her and told her how I felt towards her and we decided to start dating. months later I learned that she never saw me like more than a friends. this is something she said. I was devastated because here I am thinking she felt the same from the start and she didn’t.

I can honestly say im guilty at the fact she ended things between us. I am a very affectionate person and she is not. she is very reserved when it comes to showing how she feels and I felt so weird. I felt I had no need to tell her to be more affectionate with me but I did. so finally last monday she sent me a text saying she couldn’t do it no more. because no matter what she felt she was not good enough for me because she couldn’t offer the affection I needed. I was devastated that she gave up on me on us. it was sad because she was just not another girl she was a dear friend for the last 4 years. On Tuesday she sent me another text saying she didn’t want to give up on me and my reply was: you can’t do this to people you can’t tell them you don’t want to be with them and then tell them you don’t want to lose them.

Thursday I get another text from her asking what I would do different if we could continue dating? And my reply was that I would not doubt where her heart is and wouldn’t push her to be more affectionate. that she is just simply more reserved when it comes to that.

Today is Sunday and I havent heard from her…. it feels that she is just dragging me along because she doesn’t know what to do. I don’t want to call her and ask her if she made a decision already because i know her and she will probably say that she has a life and that she was been busy.

I just feel that if she cares about me she wouldn’t be putting me off like if im just another option and that she will contact me when she is not going to bars or clubs with her friends.

I care about her a lot but I also have dignity and im not sure if I can keep this up. I shouldn’t be just another option if she wants this to work but I honestly feel like she will talk to me whenever she is not out or just bored. I don’t know what to do.

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Sometimes friends are better as friends and sometimes it’s the perfect fit. I think you both need space and to figure out what is really is that you want in someone else relationship wise. People receive/perceive affection/love differently for some it might be words of affirmation, physical gifts, etc. This has the potential to work you both just need to find and willing to word towards balance. I would tell her that first you don’t want to lose your friendship. And that you do truly care for her and want what is best for each of you. That you are willing/or not willing to try again. Just be honest with your feelings if it’s meant to be it will be.
*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

It drives me crazy, love and relationships are just completely out of the question. People need physical attraction to love someone. That’s just how it is. I hate seeing attractive girls about, it makes me angry and sad at the same time to know I could never get one. I’ve even started feeling like that when I see a good looking guy. I think “how must I look compared to him”. No girl would stick with me if they had other options. If any girl went out with me it’d be out of pure desperation not to be alone. That’s not love.

I’m 18 and never had a girlfriend or even a kiss.. I’m too ugly to talk to girls so I’ll always alone. I’m thinking about synthetically castrating myself .. but is there any other ways to accept being alone? I mean sometimes I feel like I have nothing to look forward to in life .. whats the point of living .. when your just counting down the days until you die.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/70715053@N06/6879408139/in/photostream

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There is nothing to “accept” other than that you currently have low self esteem. Good news is that can be changed 🙂 You are not unattractive you sound lonely. Sometimes when we are hard on ourselves we end up pushing people away that might be or have been interested. Are you involved in activities within your community? Have you tried asking a girl out before? The worst someone could tell you is “No” and if they do it’s not the end of the world maybe they don’t know you well enough. Everyone has someone out there that is meant for them, and in reality there is more than one special someone. I know it’s scary and I know it’s hard but you need to pull yourself out of this funk and find things that interest you. The more you are involved the more likely you will be able to meet new people and potentially that special someone 🙂 Keep your head up!

 

 

* If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com