Category: Love


I have been divorced for a many years now. Certain behaviors caused me to believe she was cheating on me when we were together. I would kiss her and think she smelled like another man. I beleive we just have the instinct to  know, even though I did my best to convince myself I was just paranoid. Then she started running around to bars at night, etc.., yet claims to be innocent. Yet, when a man she is with exhibits such behavior che cries foul!! Now in my last long term relationship I noticed the same concerns, and she absolutely was cheating on me. But my ex has never confessed, and I never saw direct evidence that she was. She has been in two relationships that I know of since we broke up, and both guys she claims have been cheating on her. I wonder if they saw the same signs in her that I saw, and believed her to be cheating on them, when in fact she just exhibits all of the signs of a cheater but doesn’t cheat. Is that possible or just highly unlikely?

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At the end of the day you will never know if she cheats or not. She might enjoy the attention of other men but might not have ever cheated, she might have. If you are no longer with her then it’s time to let it go. The past is in the past for a reason, if she chooses to cheat then she is just creating her own karma. It’s time to let this go and move forward with your life.

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

 

She moved in next to us with her family we live in a townhouse and our fence is only 5 feet tall so she has been out all summer in string bikinis which leave very little to the imagination and I have noticed that my husband who used to hate the sun has been outside in our yard more than ever doing “yard work” which he never really like doing either,I know he is looking at her cause I could see this from our upstairs bedroom window.  I mentioned it to him and he said I was crazy and all men look but don’t stare. Well maybe they do but 30 years younger seems a little too much and its driving me crazy I know I will never look like her again I am short and a little overweight and I have had 4 children so my body is ruined and she is tall, dark blonde and gorgeous and I really wish my husband would respect my feelings.

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All men and women look. If the neighbor were a male and drop dead goregous you can’t say that you wouldn’t peak either! I believe that your insecurities are getting the best of you. Your husband is married to you, he loves and finds you attractive, you have 4 beautiful children. You might not look like her, but you have something she doesn’t- your husband. Let him oggle…it’s not like you need to be concerned I doubt your 18 year old neighbor has much interest in him. And it’s ok to look at beautiful things and appreciate them, it’s another to want to take advantage of them. Focus on things that make you happy that include him. It sounds like you might need to get back into courting one another again 🙂 Just cause it’s lost for the moment doesn’t mean it cannot be found yet again.

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

My wife left me about 18 months ago and left me with our 8 year old son, she still sees him but only every other weekend. Last week she said shed like to talk as she still has things to say so we met at a pub for a drink, we talked small talk for an hour or so and then she sat quiet, I asked what was up and she said “I had so much to say” so I asked her to tell me this is when a few things poured out about how she is having trouble getting over me and she misses me but couldn’t go on like we were, she tried bringing up some stuff but I just said yes I wish hadn’t done that but its in the past she also said that maybe us meeting would help her get over me?
Now I have been ok for a while but this has done my head in so my question is why is she doing this? Is she trying to get me back or just make herself feel better?

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 Sometimes we need to allow time and perspective to really clear our minds and vision of what and who we really want in our lives. I am sure there are still feelings there for you both but you need to figure out if this is worth it to you. And she needs to figure out why she left in the first place. If you already know the answers to these questions and you are completely comfortable with moving forward then do so, but tread lightly. If you are unsure and is she then if you both really want to make it work I would suggest counseling. Sometimes stuff from our past builds up and spills over into our daily lives. I believe that if you both were open and willing you could be very successful in becoming happier and healthier people. And that might mean together and that might mean apart, but either way the ending is positive.
*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

I have been dating this man off and on for around 3 years. I am absolutely in love with him, and I know he loves me dearly too. We were there for each other when no else was there for us. He is an amazing boyfriend and treats me very well. I love him, and it is now getting to the point where we are considering marriage.

He has already bought the ring after 6 months of us talking. I feel like he might be uncertain about a lot of things, but I do not really have the time to wait because I want to go into the military so they will help me pay for law school. I do not want to pressure him or give him an ultimatum because I love him and want him to do it on his own, but he is still lingering on our differences in religion (this is the reason why we have broke up, but we worked it out and now he bringing it up again), and he is always saying he wants to get married, but he is always creating another excuse like money issues or other problems. I do not think he is ready, but I cannot stick around waiting for him to propose.

My family and friends say he will feel differently once I am in the military, but at the same time I do not think it is fair that I accept his proposal because he wants me to himself the whole year we are apart before we can marry. Do not get me wrong, I love him with all of my heart, but I cannot help but feel like he will propose just cause he does not want me to meet other guys.

I am meeting with my recruiter in about a week and going to MEPS for my physical examination. In a couple of days afterwards I will either pick a job and swear in or I will be in DEP for some time. What do you guys think I should do? I am not going to tell him when I swear in, but do you think I should tell him that when I swear in there will not be that option to be with me anymore? I hate doing that, and I do not want to seem like the awful girlfriend that does this to her boyfriend, but I think that he believes that he can have me whenever he feels like which is wrong. Once again, he is a very good boyfriend. I am not trying to make him look like a villain, and I am not trying to make myself look like one either, but he does not seem like he is ready for the next step really, and I have to move on with my life. It will be very hard, but I want to do something awesome with my life.

And please, mature comments only.

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Sometimes we let our fear of being alone get the best of us or potentially the fear of the unknown which leaves us uncertain about our future. If joining the military is something that you feel is right for you and will provide you with a positive experience then go for it. I have to forewarn you however that (am a military wife) joining the military just to receive educational benefits in my opinion is not enough. It sounds peachy and all but at the end of the day you become government property, you potentially could see the dark side of humanity, the political bs of the world first hand, and will be putting yourself at harms way. I would recommend speaking with a few more people who are serving or have once served and ask them what their experiences have been like- some are so bad they don’t talk about it at all. As for your boyfriend if he loves you he will wait for you and vice versa. I don’t think it wise to rush something if one of you is unsure. If you feel that you need to focus on your life then do so. If something is meant to be it will be. However, you should not sacrifice your life to wait for someone else to make up their mind. If anything move forward, without dishonesty and tell him what you are planning on doing with in regards to signing up for the military. You shouldn’t keep information from the ones you love, a relationship should be based on honesty regardless of fear of outcome. If you aren’t ready then tell him that. Speak from your heart, if you end up taking a break all is not lost. It may provide you both the space, time, and clarity to really think about what you want in your lives as well as in a partner. And there is nothing wrong with really thinking about what you want and taking your time. However if you wish to take the time to yourself he should respect that as should you for him if he needs more time to really think about his life. Don’t stress so much on the timeline of things, but more so on the path that you are taking.

My mom asked me if I thought it was normal to find another companion at her age, or if she should just settle. She been alone since she was 30 so she’s used to it, and I didn’t really know what to tell her.

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Love has no age limit, nor boundaries. If she is ready and willing to be patient it will be worth her 20 years of waiting 🙂 Be supportive and tell her that she deserves to be loved just like everyone else.

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

 

Should I stay or should I go? I’ve been with my girlfriend for 2 years and I do love her. She married a dude when she was only 17 and stayed in a marriage from hell with the guy for 19 years before she filed for a divorce. She’s was single for 4 years before we got together. For 2 whole years I have had to deal with trust issues and insecurity issues from her,I am not doing anything to call for this, I have been the perfect man but her issues due to her past is making it very difficult for me, and I have never had to or been faced with anything like this in any relationship I have had before. She sometimes doesn’t express her anger without including rude comments that often upset me as well, but we always end up talking and ironing out whatever the problem is. She does work,cook,clean and take care of home,yes we live together. At this point IDK what I should do we’ve been living together for 2 years as a couple and she always promises to get some kind of therapy but hasn’t done it yet, I do feel like I want to help her get better as a person because I love her,but sometimes I think that maybe this is too much for me to be trying to take on. What do you think?

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Sometimes we are matched up with people to help us learn and both grow. I would ask her to chat with you about this. It’s a serious concern and it’s obvious that she has been putting it off. We never want to deal with our problems head on unless we have no choice in the matter. I would let her know that you love and care for her however that it’s not fair to you nor the future and health of your relationship to continue down this path and that something has to change. You need to set a timeline for yourself and her, I’m not saying this has to change overnight but something that you feel is reasonable for things to really change. We all have baggage and history but it’s what we decide to do with it that makes the difference. She can hold on to it and carry it around and keep everyone at a distance and lose you. Or she can own up that it’s her own insecurity and that she can keep the lesson but not hold on to all the pain and mistrust. Sometimes we have to make a choice for ourselves that ultimately is a choice for the relationship. If she is ready she will do it, if not then she won’t you just need to decide if this is something you want to live with the rest of your life? And given this inquiry my guess is you’re getting a little fed up with it. So set a timeline to yourself for it to resolve or at least for it to resolve to a certain degree. We all have our moments but it’s different when it infringes on those that we care about most. Good luck!

This is a wonderful story about self reflection and finding your true self in the midst of everyday expectations. I have the opposite problem that this young woman has. Basically, we are never truly happy with what we have until we learn to accept that we are who we are. It’s interesting to reflect on past life conversations with former acquaintances and friends who have all had the same great debate..Which is better small or large? I am “blessed” with being top heavy. I recall in high school wearing two bras…cause I didnt’ like the attention that they brought me. On top of that I too was in musical theater and loved to tap dance. Even with two bras dancing, something that I loved so much was a painful experience. Clothes never fit. If there was a prom or dance I would have to buy a dress 2 sizes larger in order for the top portion to fit. Swim suits were a joke. I would be limited to the mix and match section every season which would include basic solids or cheesy Hawaiian prints. Where my less busty friends were rocking the retro and modern fitted bandu tops and strapless options. Same thing with bra shopping it was torturous. I would spend over an hour trying on various styles and brands only to find one bra that fit. Needlesstosay, either way whether you have or have not there are always going to be pros and cons. I have come to realize that I love my body for the way that it is. And there are people who pay to have what I have naturally. It’s humorous to me in that I have a few friends who have given in and purchased their own set. And now they too kinda chuckle and realize that having them has it’s difficulties too. They too have trouble finding clothes that fit. Just cause you can fill it out doesn’t mean that it will look good on you. It might pucker by the armpit area. And as for button up shirts…well that is just entertaining in itself. One day it will be fine the next you reach for something and your camisole (you will learn that it is safer to wear one) will be in plain view. The best is when you don’t realize it until 10 minutes later…after you’ve interfaced with several people. But there comes a point in your life where you realize that, this is who I am and what I am meant to be. So you learn to accept and even love yourself for who you are. Enjoy the read, it’s a goodie 🙂

LadyRomp

Jennifer Miller

Allure

Last October, I stood on a tailor’s block at a fancy New York City bridal boutique for my third, and supposedly final, dress fitting. The seamstress brought out the flowing A-line gown made of English netting and lace, and I held my breath as I stepped into the cloud of fabric and she began to zip. The dress clung perfectly to my hips and torso-so far so good. But the sweetheart cups jutted out over my size-2 frame like a pair of gigantic pastry puffs. Pastry puffs minus the filling. Needless to say, this was not the ta-da moment I’d been hoping for.

My mother had spotted this dress within weeks of my engagement and forwarded me a video of the model gliding down the runway, the fabric floating lightly around her body. It was love at first sight, not to mention something of a wedding miracle…

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When you’re in love with someone and in a relationship for 13 years and find out they are not happy being with you, how do you not feel like a total loser?  I’ve always thought she was the kindest most tolerant and accepting person I’ve ever met.  If I can’t make it work with her, what hope is there for me?  How can I NOT feel like a piece of s***.  She loves me and wants me in her life, but is just not happy.  Now she wants to start dating again.  How does one handle something like this? Feeling like a total waste of space right now. I am the one still in love with her.  Her announcement that she wanted to split was a total shock to me.  She moved into a separate room, but we’ve been sharing a house for the last 8 months and it has been a living hell for me.  She is so excited to be moving on and I’m sitting here feeling like my whole world was ripped from under my feet. She had told me that I could stay as long as I wanted and that it would be a few years before she got her life together and would even consider dating.  Now she wants to start dating again and I can feel that it’s time for me to leave.  I feel like it’s just more promises not being kept.  What happened to commitment?  To working things out?  I’m just devastated, have never lived alone and feel totally left out in the cold.

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I understand that this is a hard time for you right now. Sometimes people grow apart unfortunately. It’s hard to find balance in life, family, careers, and self. It sounds like she loves you but has lost herself along the way. There are a few words that you have used that peak my interest- “tolerant” and “accepting”. What was it about your relationship that you think she needed to be tolerant of? We all have to bend somewhat for the other person but tolerant seems like a strong word choice. As for her, were there any signs that she was unhappy? Think back to when you first met and how happy she was and what she did when she was happy. Does she not involve herself within these activities anymore? What changed? 13 years is a long time for people to grow and experience life, is there anything that stands out? The crummy part about this whole thing is that it takes two to tango and one of the dancers wants to rest or dance with someone new that leaves the other person at a stand still. If you are emotionally able I would ask that she sit down with you and have a heart to heart and honest open moment. Somewhere in the mix of this communication wasn’t clear since this is such a big surprise to you. Through pain and heartache comes a valuable lesson. I would ask her what changed and what happened? You might not be able to change her mind but at least you will have a better idea of where it went wrong. Also, living alone might seem scary initally but it’s necessary for growth and learning about oneself. It’s unhealthy to flitter from one relationship to the next without providing pause to review the lessons that were provided. Give this time and reflection-the lessons will become clear and your heart will mend.

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

Balance is essential and we all have our moments where we have to regain perspective. Enjoy the read 😉

His fiancé won’t let us be friends anymore? When my brother was younger his best friend used to come to our house all the time. I got to know him really well. We stayed in touch when he went to college, and I saw him when he came home. But hes now engaged and his fiancé absolutely hates me. I only met her a few times, and she was really rude and dismissive to me for no good reason. Also, he says she doesn’t like when he talks to me and wants him to unfriend me on fb. He refused, but we’re definitely talking a lot less now. The worst part is, I’m not even invited to their wedding and my brother is. I acted like it wasn’t a big deal, but it hurts so much. What is her problem? I hate that shes controlling him like this, and that hes going along with it. I’ve known him since I was like 10 and I’m almost 17 now so I’ve known him a reallllly long time. So it’s extremely dumb and pathetic that she’s threatened by me, when my friendship with him is NOTHING like that. What do I do?

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I would ask her outright why she is uncomfortable with your friendship. The thing is sometimes people assume they know something about someone else which is not necessarily true. I would ask if she could meet you out of coffee and be upfront with her about your feelings. She will probably be surprised how hurt you are about not being included in this special day. Maybe she is jealous of your long standing friendship and how you both can relate on a different level. Friendships and relationships all provide and meet different needs for people. She maybe jealous at first but overtime she will begin to realize that her soon to be husband needs his space and friendships.
*If you have a question or want to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com