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Finding Self

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It’s been quite some time since I posted a blog, I ask for forgiveness from my fellow bloggers as that is a BIG no-no! But to be honest, I think that if the content that is provided is good and people enjoy what I bring then maybe I should go against the grain and not try to live up to someone else’s expectation of me let along the expectations I put on myself. And that alone is what I wanted to explore today. In my haitus of not composing this blog I have been doing my usual routine but on top of all that I have been exploring and reigniting my passions for singing and musical theater, preparing for my husband’s transition from Marine back to civilian, exploring my thoughts and ideas about my future career, and further connecting with my spiritual endeavors. It’s been a lot, and so much has transpired that there is no way in one posting could I ever explain all of it. One major pivitol lession that has come to light is how I view myself and how others view me. There was a time when I could careless what others thought of me, however things changed and support systems were removed/distanced and I lost self. But with all of this so much has changed and so much has been learned. I am reestablishing who I am and who I want to become. And I am grateful for every moment that has occured to get me to where I am now and where I plan on going to next. And in viewing myself with more grace and acceptance others are starting to follow suite as well. It’s about creating goals but also boundaries for others. Self-respect and self-love at the fore front. When we take care of ourselves the rest will follow is a true and valid statement.  I will do my best to post on a regular basis however I do not believe that daily will be possible anymore. I will try but no guarantees. I want to keep living my life and learning along the way.  And my hope and ulitmate desire is for others to learn and grow right along with me. So many people in this world focus on the negative then become bitter because someone else didn’t do the right thing. The only person whom we can be accountable for is ourselves. Hold yourself true to who you are and be opening and willing to learn from your mistakes. We are all here to help each other and push through this together. Don’t shy away because one person or a few people just aren’t ready for this type of lifestyle. Follow your heart and your path the rest will follow.

XO

B

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In 2003, I was named President of Thomas Nelson. It was an extremely busy time. I made some major changes to my executive team and had two vacant positions. As a result, I essentially had three jobs.

An Undecided Businessman - Photo courtesy of ©iStockphoto.com/kaisersosa67, Image #2098327

One morning on my way to work, I grabbed my computer case in my right hand, a fresh cup of coffee in my left, and headed downstairs to the garage to leave to work.Four steps from the bottom, I slipped on the carpet. Without a free hand to grab the stair-rail, I tumbled forward. The next thing I knew, I was flat on my fanny on the landing.

I wasn’t immediately aware of any pain. However, my dress shirt and tie were soaked in coffee. I remember thinking, Shoot! I’m going to have to completely change my clothes. This was particularly frustrating, because I was already running late, and I had a very busy day ahead of me.

My wife Gail heard me fall and came running. “Are you okay?” she asked as she raced down the stairs to help me up.

“I’m fine,” I assured her. “However, I’m afraid I’ve made a mess.”

“Don’t worry about it,” she offered as she helped me up. “I can clean this up while you get changed.”

When I put my weight down on my right foot, I let out a yelp. “Oh my gosh! I think my ankle is  sprained.” As it turned out, it was more than sprained. It was broken.

My day was, of course, scuttled. In fact, the next ten days were scuttled. I had to have surgery, including a plate and six screws to repair the damage. In addition, for three months I had to wear a therapeutic boot (in lieu of a cast). This couldn’t have happened at a worse time.

At this point, I could have asked myself several questions:

  • Why am I so clumsy?
  • Why did I have both hands full?
  • Why does this have to happen now?
  • Why did I have to be in such a hurry?
  • What did I do to deserve this?

The problem with these questions is that they are completely unproductive and disempowering.

They are natural, of course, and probably even necessary. It’s all part of the process of grieving a loss. But ultimately there are better questions.

One of the best questions you can ask when something negative happens is this:

“What does this experience make possible?”

Do you see the subtle shift? Suddenly, your attention moves from the past—which you can’t do a thing about—to the future.

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