Tag Archive: advice


Finding Self

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It’s been quite some time since I posted a blog, I ask for forgiveness from my fellow bloggers as that is a BIG no-no! But to be honest, I think that if the content that is provided is good and people enjoy what I bring then maybe I should go against the grain and not try to live up to someone else’s expectation of me let along the expectations I put on myself. And that alone is what I wanted to explore today. In my haitus of not composing this blog I have been doing my usual routine but on top of all that I have been exploring and reigniting my passions for singing and musical theater, preparing for my husband’s transition from Marine back to civilian, exploring my thoughts and ideas about my future career, and further connecting with my spiritual endeavors. It’s been a lot, and so much has transpired that there is no way in one posting could I ever explain all of it. One major pivitol lession that has come to light is how I view myself and how others view me. There was a time when I could careless what others thought of me, however things changed and support systems were removed/distanced and I lost self. But with all of this so much has changed and so much has been learned. I am reestablishing who I am and who I want to become. And I am grateful for every moment that has occured to get me to where I am now and where I plan on going to next. And in viewing myself with more grace and acceptance others are starting to follow suite as well. It’s about creating goals but also boundaries for others. Self-respect and self-love at the fore front. When we take care of ourselves the rest will follow is a true and valid statement.  I will do my best to post on a regular basis however I do not believe that daily will be possible anymore. I will try but no guarantees. I want to keep living my life and learning along the way.  And my hope and ulitmate desire is for others to learn and grow right along with me. So many people in this world focus on the negative then become bitter because someone else didn’t do the right thing. The only person whom we can be accountable for is ourselves. Hold yourself true to who you are and be opening and willing to learn from your mistakes. We are all here to help each other and push through this together. Don’t shy away because one person or a few people just aren’t ready for this type of lifestyle. Follow your heart and your path the rest will follow.

XO

B

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Online Dating-Good or Bad?

I have had and know several friends who have used/use online resources for dating. In today’s world everything except toilet paper has gone digital! I think because our lifestyles are set to move at such a rapid pace and that we tend to focus on the milestones in life as well as our careers we tend to lose site of the simple joys of dating and courtship. It’s amazing to me how many people whom do meet their partners online or even spouse they tend to be someone that lives in their neighborhood or close proximity of their living space. I am not saying this is always the case, but it does seem to happen quite often more so than one would think. Just imagine if we all took a moment to put down our cell phones we might have actually met the person in real life instead of digitally first. Again, I’m not knocking the service, I’ve known several people whom were so busy that it was the simplest way to put themselves out there without really…putting themselves out there. It’s so much easier to hit the decline button than it is to reject someone in real life. But at the same time I think as a human you are missing out on that experience. I’m not saying that it’s something to look forward to nor to enjoy. But it does help us learn how to handle awkward social situations better than just hitting a button and moving on to the next profile. Also, one thing to be weary about online dating are those that tend to over exaggerate or inflate themselves. Or use the site as a rotating girlfriend/boyfriend tool. Someone can sure look spectacular on screen but when you meet them in real life it’s not even close to what you saw and read on the profile! The thing is unless you are willing to be honest with yourself and others as well as be open then you will never move forward into a significant relationship. You both have to have similiar…not the same…but a common interest or view point to life. It will filter people for you and provide you with the “cream of the crop” to match you interests but if someone is boasting about how they are someone they truly are not then everyone will end up disappointed. If you want success play it smart and with honesty. Be honest with yourself and go off your first inital reactions when answering dating  questionarraires.  If you do decide to meet someone meet them in a public setting. It really does suck to lose the romantic side of being picked up and taken out…but remember anyone can create a profile and you might not get what you intended. So better to play it safe than sorry. If something feels off or wrong then trust that instinct it’s there for a reason. If you enjoy the date and things go well then be honest and tell them you’d like to meet again. I have never understood drawing out the process and making people wonder….It’s ok if you need the time to process but if you do have a great time then tell the other person that! Some great first date ideas would be the zoo, theme park, beach, basically something that allows the two of you to interact with one another with little distraction. Movies are nice but you basically end up sitting there watching the film instead of engaging with one another. What has been your experience with online dating? Has it been good or bad?

 

If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

 

I am 42, divorced, I have no idea what I am supposed to do next in my life? I feel like I completed some circle in my life, and now I am at the same place I was before.
When I was young, I lived alone in small apartment that I rented, I was dating and had a lot of time to have fun.
Then came  marriage, with family life, kids, house  and mortgage.
Now I am divorced, my kids almost grown up, and very soon will not need me anymore, so I feel like this stage of my life is also over.
Now I again live alone in small apartment that I rent, I am dating, and have a lot of free time to do what I like.
I tried dating women my own age, but I failed to find a lot in common with them, since most of the date they usually talk about their kids, or even how their marriages failed. This made me realize that I don’t want to enter into a life of another family, woman with kids, ex-husband, and what not. Since they are with kids, they also don’t have a lot of free time.
I am now dating 24 y.o,  who I find more in common then,women I dated before her. We met at Indoor climbing group,  and we both like active pass time, like hiking,  doing challenging tracks, thing like that. So I spend a lot of time with her.
I feel lost and without purpose or goal in life. I have no idea, what I supposed to do with my life now, and where is it going from here.  I have no idea where I will be in 1 year on in 5 or in 10.
Have anyone been in similar situation? What is next for me?

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What’s next is up to you to decide. I am sure there are things that you always wanted to try or always wanted to do. Put it this way, if you knew you had one week left on this earth what would you do? Live your life this way. I am not saying spend your life savings or anything crazy but live in the moment of now. You are lucky to have had a marriage and a family at one time, even though it didn’t work out at one time it was exactly what you wanted. Now that you are here it’s time to find yourself again or maybe reinvent yourself. As for dating enjoy it and who knows you might someday find a woman and her kids or she might be solo and will be worth it. In the mean time find what makes you happy and brings purpose into your life. Do you like to travel, give back, a hobby or interest? There is plently to do so seize the opportunity since it’s before you.

Should I stay or should I go? I’ve been with my girlfriend for 2 years and I do love her. She married a dude when she was only 17 and stayed in a marriage from hell with the guy for 19 years before she filed for a divorce. She’s was single for 4 years before we got together. For 2 whole years I have had to deal with trust issues and insecurity issues from her,I am not doing anything to call for this, I have been the perfect man but her issues due to her past is making it very difficult for me, and I have never had to or been faced with anything like this in any relationship I have had before. She sometimes doesn’t express her anger without including rude comments that often upset me as well, but we always end up talking and ironing out whatever the problem is. She does work,cook,clean and take care of home,yes we live together. At this point IDK what I should do we’ve been living together for 2 years as a couple and she always promises to get some kind of therapy but hasn’t done it yet, I do feel like I want to help her get better as a person because I love her,but sometimes I think that maybe this is too much for me to be trying to take on. What do you think?

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Sometimes we are matched up with people to help us learn and both grow. I would ask her to chat with you about this. It’s a serious concern and it’s obvious that she has been putting it off. We never want to deal with our problems head on unless we have no choice in the matter. I would let her know that you love and care for her however that it’s not fair to you nor the future and health of your relationship to continue down this path and that something has to change. You need to set a timeline for yourself and her, I’m not saying this has to change overnight but something that you feel is reasonable for things to really change. We all have baggage and history but it’s what we decide to do with it that makes the difference. She can hold on to it and carry it around and keep everyone at a distance and lose you. Or she can own up that it’s her own insecurity and that she can keep the lesson but not hold on to all the pain and mistrust. Sometimes we have to make a choice for ourselves that ultimately is a choice for the relationship. If she is ready she will do it, if not then she won’t you just need to decide if this is something you want to live with the rest of your life? And given this inquiry my guess is you’re getting a little fed up with it. So set a timeline to yourself for it to resolve or at least for it to resolve to a certain degree. We all have our moments but it’s different when it infringes on those that we care about most. Good luck!

I just stumbled on to this and found it quite funny. I owned a home in FL a while back and you wouldn’t believe how much work and $ goes into it! After reading this I appreciate that someone at least has a sense of humor about the woes of owning a home =) Enjoy!

THE HOME TOME

or: When Home Improvement Makes you Hyperventilate

or: Home Improvement Projects that you are Unexpectedly Forced Into

or: Home Improvement Projects that have no Style Aspect and Are Therefore Not even Remotely Fun

or: When the Plumber Estimate Increases by 1000% in the Course of Seven Minutes

or: Fun Fact: Did You Know that Chimneys Aren’t Just for Fireplaces? They Lead from your Furnace and Hot Water Heater, Too!

or: Corrosion: Pipes gone Bad

or: Gulp

or: What About that New Guest Bed/Car/Sandwich I was Saving Up For?

or: Did I Somehow Invite a Costly Plumbing Crisis by Declaring it Home Improvement (HIMP) Month?

or: Did We Not Hug our House Enough?

Well, as you can see, I have had some trouble deciding what to call today’s installment. Once I got finished brainstorming titles, I didn’t have any energy left to write an actual post. Suffice it to say…

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❤ IT!

LadyRomp

Don’t Quit

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill,
When funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh.
When care is pressing you down a bit.
Rest, if you must, but don’t you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns
As every one of us sometimes learns.
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out:
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow –
You may succeed with another blow.
Success is failure turned inside out –
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt.
And you never can tell how close you are.
It may be near when it seems so far:
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit
It’s when things seem worst that you must not…

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I do not wish to create a political debate but at the same time I do believe it best to state my opinions just as much as everyone else does. When I was very young my mother always taught me to follow the golden rule. It’s simple, it’s basic, yet it’s powerful and can be applied to all things. And of course in this case it is no different. I respect that other people may practice their religions or their view points. I have no problem with this and if this is your truth whatever it may be then that is what is right for you. Because we are all individuals, we all crave two things at the end of the day regardless of race, religion, sex, sexual orientation, and that is love and acceptance. True love and acceptance is a rarity because we all at some point have become jaded to some degree with the poisons of those who do not understand or are fearful of the unknown. We do not understand what we are not willing to know or be open to. I respect Todd’s opinion and know that acceptance is a two way street. However at the same time I do not think it fair to say that “gay marriage” is “wrong”. This is from an excerpt that he includes and he does later mention  ‘ Nietszche said “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.” ‘ And I believe that Nietszche was on to something that many of us forget. No one is ever truly right…but at the same token I believe that we must strive for what is right for us as individuals and accept that we will not always agree. And also realize that we all have our own path and our own pace in life.  For most of my life I have been great friends with people who just happen to be “homosexual”. But it’s funny to me because I never called them nor thought of them as specifically being “that”. I just think of them are wonderful and fun people that happen to prefer the same sex. And who knows you could even take it a step further and think of it as they have the capacity to love all regardless of sex.  And to me, why and how would that affect my life… It doesn’t, never has, and never will. I prefer to surround myself with honest, loving, and good hearted people. And if that is what you are then we will get along. That’s it, plain and simple.  I’ll take it a step further, what if I am liberal and don’t want to be friends with democrats nor republicians? Well…then I’ve just cut myself off from people who might be smart, witty, fun, interesting, or that might make the perfect friend. It’s the same for people whom fear homosexuality, political affliation, race, etc. By allowing ourselves to either ignore these “types” of people or by singling them out we are projecting our own fears onto others. And fear comes from a lack of understanding and a degree of ignorance. Todd I believe that you should attend your brother-in-laws reception because you love him despite the fact that he may love someone else that is of the same sex. And because you feel the way you do about the event who’s to say that he did not invite you both to the wedding out of respect to your view point but wanted you to be included so instead he opted for the reception only?  This shouldn’t be about supporting just your wife, it’s about supporting someone you love regardless if you don’t always agree. And who knows you might get to know his partner and find out why he’s so smitten.  🙂 We all, myself included, need to learn that we are all human we all live, learn, and love in whatever ways work best for us, and we all have the capacity to love, accept, and respect one another, but the choice to do so is ours alone.

 

Bright, shiny objects!

This is a tough issue for me brought on by an upcoming event in our family. My gay brother-in-law is getting joined in a civil union — sorry, but I can’t quite bring myself to use the word ‘married’ yet — and we have been invited to the reception, not the ceremony. I have mixed feelings about this event;  I don’t know if I can really ‘celebrate’ it but I’m thinking about going to support my wife. In the past, I would have refused to attend on principle but as a recovering conservative Christianliving in the gray‘ I am considering input from all sides. Recently, John Piper posted this Christian conservative perspective on relating to gay family members…

Is there hope for a relationship with a family member who is not a believer and is in a same-sex relationship, and who knows your Christian position?

Yes…

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This is a wonderful story about self reflection and finding your true self in the midst of everyday expectations. I have the opposite problem that this young woman has. Basically, we are never truly happy with what we have until we learn to accept that we are who we are. It’s interesting to reflect on past life conversations with former acquaintances and friends who have all had the same great debate..Which is better small or large? I am “blessed” with being top heavy. I recall in high school wearing two bras…cause I didnt’ like the attention that they brought me. On top of that I too was in musical theater and loved to tap dance. Even with two bras dancing, something that I loved so much was a painful experience. Clothes never fit. If there was a prom or dance I would have to buy a dress 2 sizes larger in order for the top portion to fit. Swim suits were a joke. I would be limited to the mix and match section every season which would include basic solids or cheesy Hawaiian prints. Where my less busty friends were rocking the retro and modern fitted bandu tops and strapless options. Same thing with bra shopping it was torturous. I would spend over an hour trying on various styles and brands only to find one bra that fit. Needlesstosay, either way whether you have or have not there are always going to be pros and cons. I have come to realize that I love my body for the way that it is. And there are people who pay to have what I have naturally. It’s humorous to me in that I have a few friends who have given in and purchased their own set. And now they too kinda chuckle and realize that having them has it’s difficulties too. They too have trouble finding clothes that fit. Just cause you can fill it out doesn’t mean that it will look good on you. It might pucker by the armpit area. And as for button up shirts…well that is just entertaining in itself. One day it will be fine the next you reach for something and your camisole (you will learn that it is safer to wear one) will be in plain view. The best is when you don’t realize it until 10 minutes later…after you’ve interfaced with several people. But there comes a point in your life where you realize that, this is who I am and what I am meant to be. So you learn to accept and even love yourself for who you are. Enjoy the read, it’s a goodie 🙂

LadyRomp

Jennifer Miller

Allure

Last October, I stood on a tailor’s block at a fancy New York City bridal boutique for my third, and supposedly final, dress fitting. The seamstress brought out the flowing A-line gown made of English netting and lace, and I held my breath as I stepped into the cloud of fabric and she began to zip. The dress clung perfectly to my hips and torso-so far so good. But the sweetheart cups jutted out over my size-2 frame like a pair of gigantic pastry puffs. Pastry puffs minus the filling. Needless to say, this was not the ta-da moment I’d been hoping for.

My mother had spotted this dress within weeks of my engagement and forwarded me a video of the model gliding down the runway, the fabric floating lightly around her body. It was love at first sight, not to mention something of a wedding miracle…

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When you’re in love with someone and in a relationship for 13 years and find out they are not happy being with you, how do you not feel like a total loser?  I’ve always thought she was the kindest most tolerant and accepting person I’ve ever met.  If I can’t make it work with her, what hope is there for me?  How can I NOT feel like a piece of s***.  She loves me and wants me in her life, but is just not happy.  Now she wants to start dating again.  How does one handle something like this? Feeling like a total waste of space right now. I am the one still in love with her.  Her announcement that she wanted to split was a total shock to me.  She moved into a separate room, but we’ve been sharing a house for the last 8 months and it has been a living hell for me.  She is so excited to be moving on and I’m sitting here feeling like my whole world was ripped from under my feet. She had told me that I could stay as long as I wanted and that it would be a few years before she got her life together and would even consider dating.  Now she wants to start dating again and I can feel that it’s time for me to leave.  I feel like it’s just more promises not being kept.  What happened to commitment?  To working things out?  I’m just devastated, have never lived alone and feel totally left out in the cold.

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I understand that this is a hard time for you right now. Sometimes people grow apart unfortunately. It’s hard to find balance in life, family, careers, and self. It sounds like she loves you but has lost herself along the way. There are a few words that you have used that peak my interest- “tolerant” and “accepting”. What was it about your relationship that you think she needed to be tolerant of? We all have to bend somewhat for the other person but tolerant seems like a strong word choice. As for her, were there any signs that she was unhappy? Think back to when you first met and how happy she was and what she did when she was happy. Does she not involve herself within these activities anymore? What changed? 13 years is a long time for people to grow and experience life, is there anything that stands out? The crummy part about this whole thing is that it takes two to tango and one of the dancers wants to rest or dance with someone new that leaves the other person at a stand still. If you are emotionally able I would ask that she sit down with you and have a heart to heart and honest open moment. Somewhere in the mix of this communication wasn’t clear since this is such a big surprise to you. Through pain and heartache comes a valuable lesson. I would ask her what changed and what happened? You might not be able to change her mind but at least you will have a better idea of where it went wrong. Also, living alone might seem scary initally but it’s necessary for growth and learning about oneself. It’s unhealthy to flitter from one relationship to the next without providing pause to review the lessons that were provided. Give this time and reflection-the lessons will become clear and your heart will mend.

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

Balance is essential and we all have our moments where we have to regain perspective. Enjoy the read 😉