Tag Archive: commitment issues

I just need some advice and I don’t want to talk to family and friends about this until I know what’s going on and I can’t talk to my husband cuz he’s the one that did it. Me and my husband have been together for over 5 years and married for over 2. I saw texts on my his phone on Friday from girls. After looking into it, I found out they are girls he met on dating sites that he created. He was talking to them about sex, saying he wanted friendship and a relationship, sending pics back and forth, asking for half-naked pics of them, talking about hanging out and getting together soon, not mentioning me or our 10 month old son, and a bunch of **** like that. I confronted him about it right away. He said he had no intentions of doing anything and he doesn’t know why he was doing it. Well, he’s in the army and he did all this while he was at work from his phone. And this isn’t the first time this has happened. He’s done similar stuff a lot. A week before we got married, he was talking to girls on MySpace about being friends with benefits and yes I found out and still married him. Then, he did it twice while I was pregnant through dating sites again and texting. He then deployed when our son was a month old. A week after deploying he was going to dating sites again and talking to girls on yahoo. He got back in November. 3 months ago he was sending emails out to the personal ads on Craigslist. So he was basically sending emails out to hookers. And now this. I know I have forgave him far too much. I just don’t know what to do. It’s basically like he had intentions of cheating but I caught him before he could cheat. And it’s hilarious that after I caught him this time, I was asking questions that I already knew the answers too and he lied about every one of them. Me and him have talked since then and he just says he doesn’t know why he gets doing it and that he’s a piece of **** and was actually crying which never happens. And I told him a good start to fixing this if possible would be to change his number.He doesn’t want to, he says it too big of pain to give everyone at work the new number.I just need some advice. I’m so confused, pissed, upset, disgusted, and scared.
And I don’t have a problem leaving. As soon as I found out I told him I want a divorce. It’s not like if I leave I’ll have nothing. I would easily be able to start a life on my own.
It sounds like you husband has issues with committment and a sex addiction. You need to remove yourself from this relationship as well as the child. If he is sleeping with other women he is putting you at risk for STDs. And the safety of your baby is compromised if he does this while he is watching the child while you are out. You need to tell him that he needs to seek counsel. I understand this will be difficult given the stigmata with the military to admit that you have a problem and getting treatment. (I am a military wife as well) If you are ok with moving on then this needs to happen sooner than later. I would also suggest that you seek counsel. It isn’t healthy that you held on for this long and it would help you in the future from repeating the same mistake.
*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

Commitment Issues

I’ve been friends with this man online for over a year. After a split from my ex a few months ago we did get closer. Phoning each other every day and txting…we literally couldn’t go a day not talking. We realised we were getting feelings for each other so decided to meet a few weeks back. I love his intelligence, his sense of humour and our banter. We got on so well. Anyway we talked about making a go of it and he said he really wanted to try and thought I was amazing. But he did warn me his relationships never last longer than 6 months as he freaks out. A week later I woke up to a txt saying he loved and respected me so much he couldn’t do it to me. He didn’t see a future as we live an hour and a half away from each other. I wasn’t his usual type..and he just wanted to be friends. It was a nice message and I respected his honesty. Since then we have gone back to before..like best friends..he still messages every day..phones..checks I’m ok. Tells me he loves me and that I’m a star. Calls me beautiful. ‘ finding it so hard cause I do think ive fallen in love with him..I’m so confused he let me go just like that..but still contacts every day. Whats going on? Is it best i break contact..? When he sent the txt ending it…all I said was its cool I understand. Did he want me to fight for him? Or did I do the right thing.
I don’t blame you for feeling confused. It sounds like to some degree he doesn’t have the gusto to move past his fear- and if you really love someone you need to be brave and open. I don’t think it’s fair that he is sitting on the fence and still treating the relationship the same- this can cause major confusion. I think that you should ask to meet with him and express your feelings. Tell him that you understand that he thinks he is being respectful by not moving forward but in reality he is just hurting you and toying with your emotions. We all have skeletons or things that we might be unsure if someone else is willing to deal with. But that’s just it- there is always someone that is the right fit and balance for us. That can also help us grow and become a better person at the end of the day. I think you need to ask yourself if you are willing to take that risk or if you need to move on. I would first talk with him and dig further into why he bails after 6 months. Is it a fear of having to be committed and the assumption that you expect it to go somewhere like moving in or marriage? If are ok with just having someone there but never fully committing (which works for some people) then great. I’m not a fan of ultimatums but if you aren’t a fan and do desire something more then you need to be honest with him and tell him that you love him and want this to work. And if he isn’t willing to at least try then you can’t continue to “play along” when there will never be a happy ending.
*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com