Tag Archive: commitment

What should I do to get my husband back? We are only 20, we got married about over a year ago and we have been separated for over 2 months. Yes we fight too much and we haven’t been respecting one another anymore. He says he no longer loves me. These two months that have past we have been treating each other very bad, Our fights have gotten so ugly but NOT violent. I recently realized that I miss him and I want him back. Everyone around me including him tells me its time to let it go. THat we got married at a young age and it will never work out. But I know the he is the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with. We don’t have kids and he is a soldier. There have been many lies and I admit he has been very mean to me. But I forgive him, I call him about every morning trying to talk to him to come home. We decided were going to stay married till our apartment lease is over but we don’t live together. So I’m thinking I have about 2 months to try and win him back before he files for divorce. What should I do to show my husband I’m serious bout us getting together and making him fall in love with me once again? I know it won’t be easy but I’m motivated to trying anything.

I think that it might be best to let the heart breathe for a little while longer. If people who have known you and loved you for your entire life are telling you you need to let this go…it’s probably in your best interest. I know that you love him and you want this to work but you cannot force someone nor convince them to love you. You two are both incredibly young and you both deserve to be happy. Marriage is based on honesty and commitment. The relationship has already been tainted with lies and pain. You should listen to those who have loved you longer on this one and let him go. It won’t be easy but over time when you look back on this you will see the bigger picture and be grateful that you were able to move on and forward with your life.
*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

Okay, me and my ex-fiancé started having problems shortly after getting engaged and finally we ended it and I moved out with our 7 month old son. Shortly after I found out I was pregnant again and now all I want is for our family to be together. He seems like he’s becoming more responsible and family oriented which is what I’ve always wanted. I’ve also been trying hard to prove to him that I’ve been working on my problems and that he, and our family, is truly what I want. In a few weeks I was planning on taking him to dinner to talk about how everything’s been going lately. Would it be ridiculous if, after making sure dinner went well, I proposed to him?


Marriage is a serious commitment and it shouldn’t be taken lightly. If there were troubles initially then there is still progress to be made. I think if I were you I would ease yourself back into this before taking the plunge. I am not saying that this doesn’t have the potential to become a great relationship and eventually marriage. But keep in mind that you don’t have to be married to create a loving and committed family.

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

Commitment Issues

I’ve been friends with this man online for over a year. After a split from my ex a few months ago we did get closer. Phoning each other every day and txting…we literally couldn’t go a day not talking. We realised we were getting feelings for each other so decided to meet a few weeks back. I love his intelligence, his sense of humour and our banter. We got on so well. Anyway we talked about making a go of it and he said he really wanted to try and thought I was amazing. But he did warn me his relationships never last longer than 6 months as he freaks out. A week later I woke up to a txt saying he loved and respected me so much he couldn’t do it to me. He didn’t see a future as we live an hour and a half away from each other. I wasn’t his usual type..and he just wanted to be friends. It was a nice message and I respected his honesty. Since then we have gone back to before..like best friends..he still messages every day..phones..checks I’m ok. Tells me he loves me and that I’m a star. Calls me beautiful. ‘ finding it so hard cause I do think ive fallen in love with him..I’m so confused he let me go just like that..but still contacts every day. Whats going on? Is it best i break contact..? When he sent the txt ending it…all I said was its cool I understand. Did he want me to fight for him? Or did I do the right thing.
I don’t blame you for feeling confused. It sounds like to some degree he doesn’t have the gusto to move past his fear- and if you really love someone you need to be brave and open. I don’t think it’s fair that he is sitting on the fence and still treating the relationship the same- this can cause major confusion. I think that you should ask to meet with him and express your feelings. Tell him that you understand that he thinks he is being respectful by not moving forward but in reality he is just hurting you and toying with your emotions. We all have skeletons or things that we might be unsure if someone else is willing to deal with. But that’s just it- there is always someone that is the right fit and balance for us. That can also help us grow and become a better person at the end of the day. I think you need to ask yourself if you are willing to take that risk or if you need to move on. I would first talk with him and dig further into why he bails after 6 months. Is it a fear of having to be committed and the assumption that you expect it to go somewhere like moving in or marriage? If are ok with just having someone there but never fully committing (which works for some people) then great. I’m not a fan of ultimatums but if you aren’t a fan and do desire something more then you need to be honest with him and tell him that you love him and want this to work. And if he isn’t willing to at least try then you can’t continue to “play along” when there will never be a happy ending.
*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

So forgive, that my post for today is a couple of hours later than usual, I’ve been a bit behind! Anyway, someone asked me a question and I believe it to be completely legitimate and I think at times people might confuse the two. I was asked to define the differences between exclusivity and commitment. And interestingly enough my thoughts were flooded with answers and yet I still felt that I needed to dig a little deeper to come up with a logical response. So, here it goes…. Exclusivity is when two people decide that they will no longer date anyone else. They are “exclusive” to one another. I think when you are dating someone it’s only a natural progression when you are both truly invested in the relationship and wish to see it continue on a more serious level. Where commitment runs deeper and potentially for a lifetime. Commitment is realizing that the other person isn’t perfect, that they might never change, but in the end you love them regardless or their faults or flaws. And unfortunately, I cannot provide specifics to what would be deemed as “acceptable” flaws  because we have different experiences and thoughts that allow us to match up with different types of people. Regardless, I believe when we are matched up or we do find that person there should be a balance and by the same token push us the be the best versions of ourselves. Exclusivity I believe is a step towards commitment. However, commitment takes a lot more work and also assists us with learning to grow and become more malleable to dealing with life’s changes.  What are your thoughts about exclusivity and commitment?

* If you have a question or a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com


Facebook & Marriage

Why do people (my husband) think its ok to flirt on Facebook and [then] erase messages from [his] wife?


Dear Anonymous,

This is a tough subject because I personally have mixed emotions about Facebook. I think it is an excellent platform for businesses and marketing. As well as for personal use to keep in touch with friends and family and allows you to reconnect with the people of our past. However, many people hide behind a computer and use this tool negatively (bullying, illegal activities, adultery, journaling, etc) rather than in a positive manner. There is nothing wrong with someone flirting a little in my opinion however more so on the receiving end-knowing that others are interested in you makes you feel good about yourself. And as a wife myself when someone is interested in my husband I am flattered not threatened because I know that he is committed to our relationship. 
However, creating an illusion of someone who you are not is unhealthy. It sounds like your husband has become caught up in the world of internet make-believe. It also sounds like subconsciously he is starting to lose interest in your relationship. Many people do not realize that although it might just be text or some random website people do pay attention and there are people on the receiving end of what is written…or in your case deleted. If I were you I would suggest that you and he go to counseling to get to the root of the issue and to assist you with confronting this hurtful behavior.

* Do you think this is normal behaviour? Do you have another helpful suggestion for our reader? Please comment below.