Tag Archive: dating


Online Dating-Good or Bad?

I have had and know several friends who have used/use online resources for dating. In today’s world everything except toilet paper has gone digital! I think because our lifestyles are set to move at such a rapid pace and that we tend to focus on the milestones in life as well as our careers we tend to lose site of the simple joys of dating and courtship. It’s amazing to me how many people whom do meet their partners online or even spouse they tend to be someone that lives in their neighborhood or close proximity of their living space. I am not saying this is always the case, but it does seem to happen quite often more so than one would think. Just imagine if we all took a moment to put down our cell phones we might have actually met the person in real life instead of digitally first. Again, I’m not knocking the service, I’ve known several people whom were so busy that it was the simplest way to put themselves out there without really…putting themselves out there. It’s so much easier to hit the decline button than it is to reject someone in real life. But at the same time I think as a human you are missing out on that experience. I’m not saying that it’s something to look forward to nor to enjoy. But it does help us learn how to handle awkward social situations better than just hitting a button and moving on to the next profile. Also, one thing to be weary about online dating are those that tend to over exaggerate or inflate themselves. Or use the site as a rotating girlfriend/boyfriend tool. Someone can sure look spectacular on screen but when you meet them in real life it’s not even close to what you saw and read on the profile! The thing is unless you are willing to be honest with yourself and others as well as be open then you will never move forward into a significant relationship. You both have to have similiar…not the same…but a common interest or view point to life. It will filter people for you and provide you with the “cream of the crop” to match you interests but if someone is boasting about how they are someone they truly are not then everyone will end up disappointed. If you want success play it smart and with honesty. Be honest with yourself and go off your first inital reactions when answering dating  questionarraires.  If you do decide to meet someone meet them in a public setting. It really does suck to lose the romantic side of being picked up and taken out…but remember anyone can create a profile and you might not get what you intended. So better to play it safe than sorry. If something feels off or wrong then trust that instinct it’s there for a reason. If you enjoy the date and things go well then be honest and tell them you’d like to meet again. I have never understood drawing out the process and making people wonder….It’s ok if you need the time to process but if you do have a great time then tell the other person that! Some great first date ideas would be the zoo, theme park, beach, basically something that allows the two of you to interact with one another with little distraction. Movies are nice but you basically end up sitting there watching the film instead of engaging with one another. What has been your experience with online dating? Has it been good or bad?

 

If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

 

Should I stay or should I go? I’ve been with my girlfriend for 2 years and I do love her. She married a dude when she was only 17 and stayed in a marriage from hell with the guy for 19 years before she filed for a divorce. She’s was single for 4 years before we got together. For 2 whole years I have had to deal with trust issues and insecurity issues from her,I am not doing anything to call for this, I have been the perfect man but her issues due to her past is making it very difficult for me, and I have never had to or been faced with anything like this in any relationship I have had before. She sometimes doesn’t express her anger without including rude comments that often upset me as well, but we always end up talking and ironing out whatever the problem is. She does work,cook,clean and take care of home,yes we live together. At this point IDK what I should do we’ve been living together for 2 years as a couple and she always promises to get some kind of therapy but hasn’t done it yet, I do feel like I want to help her get better as a person because I love her,but sometimes I think that maybe this is too much for me to be trying to take on. What do you think?

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Sometimes we are matched up with people to help us learn and both grow. I would ask her to chat with you about this. It’s a serious concern and it’s obvious that she has been putting it off. We never want to deal with our problems head on unless we have no choice in the matter. I would let her know that you love and care for her however that it’s not fair to you nor the future and health of your relationship to continue down this path and that something has to change. You need to set a timeline for yourself and her, I’m not saying this has to change overnight but something that you feel is reasonable for things to really change. We all have baggage and history but it’s what we decide to do with it that makes the difference. She can hold on to it and carry it around and keep everyone at a distance and lose you. Or she can own up that it’s her own insecurity and that she can keep the lesson but not hold on to all the pain and mistrust. Sometimes we have to make a choice for ourselves that ultimately is a choice for the relationship. If she is ready she will do it, if not then she won’t you just need to decide if this is something you want to live with the rest of your life? And given this inquiry my guess is you’re getting a little fed up with it. So set a timeline to yourself for it to resolve or at least for it to resolve to a certain degree. We all have our moments but it’s different when it infringes on those that we care about most. Good luck!

My boyfriend lives 3 hours away? So I barely ever see him. And he came to visit for 2 weeks.  He says he came to see me.  But I’ve seen him about 3 times. And he doesn’t even call me or anything.  It hurts that he doesn’t even talk to me when I never see him. Should I feel like this? Should I be mad? What do I do?

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I think I would reevaluate the relationship it doesn’t sound like he is completely committed to it. If he is interested he would make the time to include you. I would try to talk with him about your concerns his response and actions will let you know where he stands.

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

We have been going out for one year both 19. We use to be perfect until this year when he suddenly started lying to me behind my back. From then on I started to trust him less and less to a point I would always feel uneasy when i wasnt with him.
I would always go through his phone and find texts from girls He had been signed up to several dating sites behind my back
He hangs out with girls who hate me
He lives with people who try break us up all the time. Im not even allowed over at his house because they wont let me in. whenever he is with me, they text him things like “don’t hang out with her.. come back to us” and he ditches me for them
He never sticks up for me I always had to pay for things and he would never pay. He didn’t even get me anything or plan anything for our one year anniversary. He ignores me for other people His room mates got him into weed so now he has become a stoner. HES A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON He treats me like **** So far I have deleted him off facebook, deleted his number and I have turned my phone off I have to see hm everyday in class so how do I cope?

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He doesn’t respect nor love you- he’s not worth your time nor your effort. He will regret this decision and the way that he treated you one day. He may never say or tell you but he will. You need to find things that make you happy and bring you peace right now. Pick up an old hobby or a new one. You’d be amazed how much you can get down when you are trying to distract yourself from heartache. Also, since you are in school focus on becoming the best person that you can be. Someday someone will recognize what a great person you are and won’t take you foregranted like he has. Keep your head up

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

Romance on a Budget

Alright, so we’ve all been there before…$ is tight but we want to do something special and meaningful for those that we love =) One thing that I have noticed is how many times people confuse the price of something is equivalent to the meaning behind the action. However, what we all need to remember is that it’s all the little things that add up to make a beautiful gesture for those that we love. So here a few unique simple things that you can do with your loved one that either is free or pretty thrifty.

Fun:
-Picnic- use and old guest bedroom sheet/blanket, make some sandwiches and snacks and grab your sweetie and go!)

-Cloud Watching- an oldie but goodie where you can share your imaginative side together-this can be an excellent conversation starter

-Frisbee- Oh yes, I will admit that my husband and I do go to the park and toss it around a bit 🙂 Highly entertaining!

-Games/Cards- Uno, Go Fish, Rummy, Spades, or my personal favorite Phase 10– this is a card game for a double date or a small group

Positive Affirmations:
-Post It Love- use post-its to say sweet somethings and then randomly place/hide them around the house for your sweets to find. The best is when they find one that you placed (and forgot about) months before!

-Lipstick & Mirrors – make use of that old lipstick that is no longer your color and write something sexy or sweet on a mirror

– Digital Love- make a sweet video, or text poem and send it to your sweets on your lunch break

Gifts:
-Handmade Card- this is not limited to just the ladies- use random scrap paper and embellishments to create something masterful for your love

-Make Paper Roses– there are a few YouTube videos and tutorials on the web

-Collage- take old photos of the two of you and make a collage of memories

-Photobook- Generally, for  $20 or less you can make a hardbound cover book of you and your partners adventures together-this makes an EXCELLENT gift for military members!

Food:
-Wine & Dine- Find a brand new recipe, go to the grocery buy a yummy but cheap bottle of wine.(seriously some of the $2 ones are better than the $20+)  and all the ingredients, make something delicious for your sweets.

-Bake a Sweet- bake something sweet for your sweetie 🙂 The mix and eggs alone are less than $10 and they will appreciate the effort

What ideas or creative and budget friendly have you done for a loved one? I would love to hear your thoughts and ideas!

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

How do I tell my boyfriend I love him after I didn’t answer him when he told me he loved me? We are both 22 years old, we have been together for 3 months and now he is telling me he loves me when he told me he loved me my response was o oh my, he told me that it was ok if I couldn’t say it back and that it still didn’t change the fact that he loved me. I don’t know if it has anything to do with my previous relationship I fell in deep love with my ex and he hurt me badly i found out that scum was married. I want to say I trust my current bf but I also trusted my ex and he was living a double life. my current bf is a sweet guy, I want to tell him I love him but just don’t know how I feel like a a$s for not telling him I loved him when in fact I do love him (at least I think its love). another thing he wants me to meet his family they are in Florida he is stationed here my biggest concern is what if they don’t like me because I am black and he is white. I just don’t know what to do thanks in advance for the advice.

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He wants you to meet his family after dating for 3 months? That seems a little quick. If I were you it’s better to air out the baggage ahead of time. Be honest with him, tell him you love him too however you’ve been bruised pretty badly in the past. I definitely would reconsider meeting his parents just because the relationship is so new. As for the parents being a different race don’t let that seed plant to deeply in your head. Love is love and it is color blind. Your happiness and that of your partner are all that matter in the end.
*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com
I just need some advice and I don’t want to talk to family and friends about this until I know what’s going on and I can’t talk to my husband cuz he’s the one that did it. Me and my husband have been together for over 5 years and married for over 2. I saw texts on my his phone on Friday from girls. After looking into it, I found out they are girls he met on dating sites that he created. He was talking to them about sex, saying he wanted friendship and a relationship, sending pics back and forth, asking for half-naked pics of them, talking about hanging out and getting together soon, not mentioning me or our 10 month old son, and a bunch of **** like that. I confronted him about it right away. He said he had no intentions of doing anything and he doesn’t know why he was doing it. Well, he’s in the army and he did all this while he was at work from his phone. And this isn’t the first time this has happened. He’s done similar stuff a lot. A week before we got married, he was talking to girls on MySpace about being friends with benefits and yes I found out and still married him. Then, he did it twice while I was pregnant through dating sites again and texting. He then deployed when our son was a month old. A week after deploying he was going to dating sites again and talking to girls on yahoo. He got back in November. 3 months ago he was sending emails out to the personal ads on Craigslist. So he was basically sending emails out to hookers. And now this. I know I have forgave him far too much. I just don’t know what to do. It’s basically like he had intentions of cheating but I caught him before he could cheat. And it’s hilarious that after I caught him this time, I was asking questions that I already knew the answers too and he lied about every one of them. Me and him have talked since then and he just says he doesn’t know why he gets doing it and that he’s a piece of **** and was actually crying which never happens. And I told him a good start to fixing this if possible would be to change his number.He doesn’t want to, he says it too big of pain to give everyone at work the new number.I just need some advice. I’m so confused, pissed, upset, disgusted, and scared.
And I don’t have a problem leaving. As soon as I found out I told him I want a divorce. It’s not like if I leave I’ll have nothing. I would easily be able to start a life on my own.
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It sounds like you husband has issues with committment and a sex addiction. You need to remove yourself from this relationship as well as the child. If he is sleeping with other women he is putting you at risk for STDs. And the safety of your baby is compromised if he does this while he is watching the child while you are out. You need to tell him that he needs to seek counsel. I understand this will be difficult given the stigmata with the military to admit that you have a problem and getting treatment. (I am a military wife as well) If you are ok with moving on then this needs to happen sooner than later. I would also suggest that you seek counsel. It isn’t healthy that you held on for this long and it would help you in the future from repeating the same mistake.
 
*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com
 

Commitment Issues

I’ve been friends with this man online for over a year. After a split from my ex a few months ago we did get closer. Phoning each other every day and txting…we literally couldn’t go a day not talking. We realised we were getting feelings for each other so decided to meet a few weeks back. I love his intelligence, his sense of humour and our banter. We got on so well. Anyway we talked about making a go of it and he said he really wanted to try and thought I was amazing. But he did warn me his relationships never last longer than 6 months as he freaks out. A week later I woke up to a txt saying he loved and respected me so much he couldn’t do it to me. He didn’t see a future as we live an hour and a half away from each other. I wasn’t his usual type..and he just wanted to be friends. It was a nice message and I respected his honesty. Since then we have gone back to before..like best friends..he still messages every day..phones..checks I’m ok. Tells me he loves me and that I’m a star. Calls me beautiful. ‘ finding it so hard cause I do think ive fallen in love with him..I’m so confused he let me go just like that..but still contacts every day. Whats going on? Is it best i break contact..? When he sent the txt ending it…all I said was its cool I understand. Did he want me to fight for him? Or did I do the right thing.
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I don’t blame you for feeling confused. It sounds like to some degree he doesn’t have the gusto to move past his fear- and if you really love someone you need to be brave and open. I don’t think it’s fair that he is sitting on the fence and still treating the relationship the same- this can cause major confusion. I think that you should ask to meet with him and express your feelings. Tell him that you understand that he thinks he is being respectful by not moving forward but in reality he is just hurting you and toying with your emotions. We all have skeletons or things that we might be unsure if someone else is willing to deal with. But that’s just it- there is always someone that is the right fit and balance for us. That can also help us grow and become a better person at the end of the day. I think you need to ask yourself if you are willing to take that risk or if you need to move on. I would first talk with him and dig further into why he bails after 6 months. Is it a fear of having to be committed and the assumption that you expect it to go somewhere like moving in or marriage? If are ok with just having someone there but never fully committing (which works for some people) then great. I’m not a fan of ultimatums but if you aren’t a fan and do desire something more then you need to be honest with him and tell him that you love him and want this to work. And if he isn’t willing to at least try then you can’t continue to “play along” when there will never be a happy ending.
 
*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com
 
What is the point of living together? So you’ve been with someone say a couple of years now not like 10 years or anything but youre far into the relationship where you want to move in…why do people move in with one another? Whats the point of that? What are you suppose to do once living together? In your opinion anyway…which im sure everyone might have a different view so I want to know.
-Curious
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Dear Curious,
The point of moving in together is to determine if you can coexist. It’s one thing to date and spend time together it’s quite another living together. You learn a lot about yourself and the other person when you live together. Their styles, their behavioural patterns, cleanliness, etc. If it’s someone who you are dating and want to take it to the next level to see if it will work then I suggest it. If this is in regards to moving in with a friend I would recommend you avoid it unless you are completely aware. A lot of people are better off as friends rather than room mates. It can create a lot of tension within a friendship unless there is a clear understanding of the shared rules and obligations of sharing your space together.
 
*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com
 
I am a normal person, not the party type.. and many people are surprised I am still single and not married. I am looking to meet a man to have a long term relationship with and start a family.I am feeling hopeless and not sure if I will meet someone interesting.. I used to go out joining classes, taking up hobbies, but never had any luck.
I have met my friends extended network, and again no luck.
So now, I don’t go out much.. especially since many of my friends are busy with their own lives getting married and engaged.

Can you suggest any good ideas/how to meet a decent guy? I am getting worried I will be alone forever.

-Seeking Love
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Dear Seeking Love,
First off, I doubt you will be single forever. However, if you continue to sulk and focus on it you will only give off the vibe of desperation. Which in turn only pushes potential love interests away. And trust me, I understand the social pressure of “needing” to get married before you are 30. I wasn’t married until 27 and I was “late” compared to my friends. What I would focus on right now is rekindling your interests again. And maybe even trying a few things you never tried and always wanted to. Life is too short to wait for something to happen- so make it happen 🙂 Find things that you love and start participating. Generally, if you stop looking it will come to you and the best part is if you more involved and out and about the better chance you will have of running into Mr. Right!