Tag Archive: family

I am seeing my 13 year old after 5 years. (The mother took her overseas and reprogrammed her)? My daughter and I have just connected over the phone and she is very genuine and looks forward to seeing me soon.¬† The mother just got remarried. I am overwhelmed with emotions I don’t know what to say to her?


If she is excited to see you then it sounds like your ex couldn’t have “reprogrammed” her as much as you might think. Tell her the truth that you’ve missed her dearly and that you love her very much. Once you set something up to meet with her, ask her what her favorite food is, take her to an age appropriate movie, go bowling. Try do activities that you think she might enjoy but also allow you the time to talk with her and get to know her better. Also it’s ok to be nervous and to even be honest with your feelings with her (as long as they are about you and her and not how upset you are about your ex/her mother) It’s about your relationship with her not about bashing her mom. Just focus on getting to know her better and enjoying your time with her ūüôā

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com


My mom asked me if I thought it was normal to find another companion at her age, or if she should just settle. She been alone since she was 30 so she’s used to it, and I didn’t really know what to tell her.


Love has no age limit, nor boundaries. If she is ready and willing to be patient it will be worth her 20 years of waiting ūüôā Be supportive and tell her that she deserves to be loved just like everyone else.

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com


A topic that has been brought up among many people is if I remarry will and how will it affect my children. As a product of divorce and remarriage¬†from a¬†child’s perspective¬†I can understand the hesitancy. The thing is at the end of the day if you love someone and they want to be with you they will need to learn to accept all of you. If this includes kids and pets then so be it. But on the same token I would suggest you tread lightly when it comes to introducing the kids to this new found love. I can tell you that initally I was upset that my mother had decided to remarry and felt as though she were attempting to replace my exisiting father. Mind you I was 12 years old and your scope of understanding life, marriage, and divorce is a bit skwed. Now as an adult I learned that he is a much better husband for her than my dad was. Sometimes things just don’t work or other things in life take over and we loose sight of marriage. It does happen and there is no one person to blame it’s a work in progress pretty much from the point you say “I do” until the day “death do us part”. But as for the topic of how will it affect my children. In many ways and they will all be different because we all deal differently with change. If my mom were to remarry the same person she is with now today I would be happy very happy for her. But that’s because I’m older and have a better idea of how marriage and life works. Not an all knowing view…but much better than a 12 year old who thought she did know all¬†ūüėČ I think the best thing you can do is be open and honest with your child. Tell them you love them very much and that so does thier mom/dad. But sometimes people fall out of love but it doesn’t affect the love that they have for the child. And you can further solidify that now they will have even more love by adding a new spouse to the mix. ūüôā Just know that anytime there is an adjustment for anyone regardless of age there will be push back and uncomfort. It’s just human nature. But know that given time and with patience they will come around and learn to appreciate those in thier lives. Will¬†it¬†affect them¬†yes, but the¬†real question is how and that depends on how you and your new spouse decided to approach it ūüôā

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com


I want to know what the world would be like if i just vanished.¬† I honestly think that i am a waste of space, and i the world wouldn’t be any different without me, My parents think all i do is complain, and i am just lazy. I am honestly not. They don’t understand how much i do for them. I am always there for them even if i dont want to. I always get the short end of the stick when it come to situations. I feel like they expect me to follow the stereotypical expectations of a women. Im 15 , and forever will be a tomboy. I love sports, and hanging out. but they want me cooped up in the house cleaning and cooking. I always get the comment, “Sit like a lady, act like a lady, go help mom clean, cook” i honestly cant take it anymore. I dont know what i will do. please help


It would be a world that would be empty of your smiling face and the happiness that you bring to those around you. I do not think that your parents intentionally focus on repremanding you. Generally speaking when people act a certain way or treat others a certain way it’s because that is what they learned or were treated as well. This doesn’t make it right nor ok but it does allow you to step back and realize that this is a process and a repeated pattern. It can be changed but only if they want to change it. And you also must realize that there are so many things in this world to be grateful for. What we choose to focus on in our lives affect our feelings and thoughts. Instead of focusing on the negatives that are around you what are the positives? I have a roof over my head, although my parents nag me about things it’s because they love me, I have food available to me when I am hungry etc. There is so much more in this world that could be so much worse. I understand that you don’t feel appreciated nor respected so be honest with those feelings. Sometimes we get so caught up in our own thoughts and feelings we don’t realize what else is going on around us? Have your parents been stressed as of late? What’s going on in thier lives right now? I would sit down with them and in a non-confrontational way tell them how you are feeling and how sometimes when they talk to you or mention something it hurts your feelings. Communication and being open will help this situation.

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com


What is wrong with a wife that marries a man that doesn’t want to work? In contrary, what is wrong with a woman that wants a man that can’t provide for his family, and she wants to be the provider?¬† Does it make her feel in control?¬† I have a sister like this, and she loves it that she’s a provider and that he does not provide for his family. One response is this: That’s fine if the wife is the breadwinner and makes the money. More power to her. But, it is only natural for a man to work and be a provider. It is instinct, just like it is for a woman to be a mother. If he can’t do that his self-esteem goes down, thus feeling less of a man. Anybody else have opinions?

I do not believe there is anything wrong with a woman being the bread winner or supporting the family compared to a man. I think that the relationship and it’s dynamics are dependent upon the two people involved. If that is what works for them so be it. It’s their lives and their choice to how they work out the logistics. Many times people put to much weight into what is “natural instinct” yes we have them but at the same time each of us is different. If being at home and taking care of the household needs is his perogative then thats great. It’s a lot of work so it’s not like he wouldn’t truly be “working”. We all need a purpose in our lives and if that means working to provide or working to maintain the household whatever works is still a purpose and has a meaningful impact.
*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

My wife and I have been together 3 years, married for one.¬† She has a 25 year old daughter who refuses to be responsible for herself. She holds a full-time job, but doesn’t make enough to support herself.¬† She now has a one year old of her own from a non-supportive, non-involved donor. My wife has been paying $500/month rent, cell phone and car insurance for the daughter, with no end in sight.¬† Her daughter recently got her license back from a DUI, ( $750 we paid to the Lawyer) but is facing two pending¬† cases of driving while her license was suspended. The daughter has recently taken two alcohol-infused weekends at the beach, which (the way I see it) we paid for.¬† Lawyer fees, court fees and fines… guess who will pay that? Stop the madness!¬†¬† She will not cut her daughter’s support off, nor make her responsible for her own mistakes!¬†¬† I have thought of Family or marriage counsel, but I feel my wife will just continue to support the daughter.¬†¬† Any ideas?


You need to sit down and discuss this with your wife. And I think it very wise of you both to seek counsel. There comes a point in our lives where we have to let our loved ones learn from their own mistakes and take responsibility for their actions. Unfortunately, this is tough love. What your wife is doing isn’t healthy for herself, your marriage nor for the future of your daughter and grand daughter. The main concern here should be the child (grandchild) who unfortunately is the innocent victim of these circumstances. Your wife needs counseling. She thinks that she is being loving and nuturing when in reality she is just making the situation worse. I would be honest with your feelings, she won’t like what she hears but ultimately it is the truth and the behavior needs to be corrected.

*If you have a question and would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmai.com

My fianc√©e and I have known each other since we was in 11th grade (I’m 25 now). We went out our whole 11th grade year until she finally dumped me on our 9th month of us being together because she cheated and got pregnant. I honestly still wanted to be with her but she said she didn’t feel right because how bad she hurt me (I admit she was my first real girlfriend and when I found out that broke my heart to the point I cried all night and slept for two weeks straight almost).
Well Tiana had her son that January and she still talked to me through her pregnancy. She never stopped being my best friend. Once he was born¬†I feel in love he was my little buddy and I was always over at her house with him (no she didn’t have me taking care of him. I wanted to be there.)
Her sons father was a “thug” and long story short made her son end up being killed when he took him into a middle of some stupid stuff. After that she moved away and I didn’t see much of her except even she came to visit her mom because staying there was to much¬†for her. I ended up getting my heart broke again and after that my mom point blank couldn’t stand her.
Well she ended up moving back 3 years ago and at first I was just her roommate then it went to us being together and now we are getting married. She has a little girl who’s 4 and I swear I love her like shes¬†my own. My whole family loves them both and accepts them both even my mom says she loves Tiana’s daughter.
But she hates Tiana¬†she’s convinced im just going to get my heart broken again. Then even told Tiana she’s tired of her having me play daddy.
We are getting married in September and my mom says she’s not coming to “see me get heartbroken again”.
I don’t know what to do because my whole family is beyond happy and wants us to get married except her!
How do I get my mom to understand I love her? We are both grown adults and know what we are doing


Love is blind. I understand your mom’s hesitancy to accept this woman back into your life. But it’s just that, your life. I would ask that she sit down with you and let her know how you feel. That you understand she is trying to be¬†protective but at the same time you need to live your life and learn at your own pace. Let her know how important it is to YOU that she be there on your day not your fianc√©. Just be honest and speak from the heart and she should come around. If not, don’t get too upset over it, you also need to respect her decision, she doesn’t want to see you hurt.

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gamil.com

My husband and I¬†used to do all kinds of things together and not just go out and have fun we used to just sit and talk but lately every time¬†I¬†say hey do u wanna spend some us time after work he says yes but as soon as he gets home he either calls his friends gets on the internet or goes somewhere and after he makes plans he says oh u wanted to spend us time i¬†forgot and asks me if I¬†want him to cancel his plans and I¬†always say no cause I¬†don’t¬†want his friends to think¬†I’m not letting him hang with them cause I¬†used to say that and then they started calling me a ***** and saying I¬†don’t¬†let him do anything im also 33 weeks pregnant and the only time we ever cuddle is when he tries to have sex with me and im not supposed to be¬†having sex right now¬†cause my doctor said not too and he tries like everyday but when¬†I¬†say no he just cuddles¬†for¬†like 3 min more then¬†roles over and ignores me till he or¬†I¬†falls asleep I¬†feel like he’s¬†avoiding me or something I¬†just feel like he doesn’t¬†want me anymore I¬†try to talk to him but he always gets upset or mad cause he says im just having a pregnancy¬†mood swing when really I’ve felt like he is gonna leave me as soon our kid is born or something¬†I don’t know¬†what to do im so scared every time¬†I¬†try to have us time he says its boring and wants to go to a friends¬†please¬†someone help I don’t know what to do and just today he usually calls me on his work breaks but when I¬†asked him if he wanted me to call he said no its pointless there’s only 5 min left he used to call even if he had less than a minute just to say he loved me what is going on with him is he avoiding me


I would sit down and have a serious discussion with your husband and ask him what he wants out of this relationship. Your needs are not being met, and yes you could be hormonal but that is part of pregnancy and he should be¬†supportive and respectful of that. You deserve and are worthy of his time just as much as his friends are. He needs to get his priorities¬†in order a kid is a lifetime commitment. If he tells you that hanging out with you is boring ask him what he would prefer to do, go to a movie, go out to dinner? The point is that this a beautiful process and he is really missing out. He either wants to be¬†a part or he doesn’t. I would ask him his thoughts about the baby and the new change that will becoming when he/she arrives. You both need to be on the same page and it sounds like his heart isn’t in it.
*If you have a question or would like to submit  topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

imagine a lion in your family

I am so depressed it us unreal. With so many things going on in my life it’s overwhelmingly unbearable. My parents just went to court and got officially divorced, today. (13 years old…. Not hard to figure it out). I’ve already posted many questions about the same topic. I am very religious catholic boy. I understand that god is giving me important wisdom that can help me accomplish something when I’m older or give me help for a future problem but I can’t seem to figure out why I have to go through so much pain for help from god. I am pouring my heart and thoughts onto this post. It’s so painful between my parents divorce and school.¬† Is it right to question god’s plan for me? Is it ok to feel sad still after 2 months it has been since they told me? I am curious. GOD BLESS YOU.¬† Thanks for your input.


I know that it might seem like something painfully awful but divorce can be a blessing in disguise. If your parents both agreed that it’s best to separate then that is there choice and not yours. And this decision has nothing to do with you. Sometimes people grow apart, or loose sight of the common goal or interest, or loose themselves in one another. If you had your choice would you want your parents to stay together and be miserable for the rest of their lives and live a lie? Or would you prefer they part, learn and grow, and become better people and parents because of it? I know that you are sad and think that this must be a failure but it is not- you are correct it is a lesson. And many times lessons are painful- and I think sometimes they are because then it helps us to remember them. And to also appreciate the manying blessing that we already have. I know it’s hard and you may not understand right now, but give your parents and yourself sometime. You will come to realize this is the best decision. It will work out ūüôā

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com