Tag Archive: freshly pressed


My little brother and his wife have a bad custody battle going on. There are accusations on both sides, some are true some arn’t. Proven facts: they both have ahistory of depresson and suicide attempts. They both have a history of alcohol abuse. His wife has a domestic violence conviction against him. He has a history of a bad temper and he hit his father in law and threatened to kill his friend. I am worried because I don’t want him to lose custody to his ex wife but he keeps effing up. He can’t afford to pay her child support and he does not have a job. Right now his wife has to pay him child support. Could this change? What can I do to help him?

-Concerned Brother
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Dear Concerned Brother,

There is only so much that you can do here. The actions should be coming from your brother and his wife not you. I am not sure how much you want to be involved. You could help him get clean and start going to anger management courses, and/or you could petition to take custody of the children on your brother’s behalf. But that is a MAJOR life changing decision and would also mean that you would be putting yourself in the middle of this drama. But at the same time these kids are innocent victims of the selfishness of their own parents. You can also check out Al-Anon support groups for yourself and the kids if they are old enough. Some chapters have younger children support groups.

Confused….

I’m confused about my friend? I’m a 2nd year college student. I have known this girl for over a year now so we’re already friends. A few weeks ago she was acting all giddy toward me. Smiling and laughing and coming into my room to talk(I live right across the bathroom). My roommate thought that she liked me, but I disagreed saying she’s just being nice. She was giddy until last week. Then she turned cold. I asked her if I insulted her and she said she was stressed from midterms/homework. This week she’s still a little bit cold, but not like last week. She’s not smiling or laughing when I talk to her (then again I haven’t made any jokes since I’m stressed with school). But with everybody else she’s laughing and smiling all over the place except for me.She’s made me confused. I don’t like her at the moment because I had a crush on her last year. I wouldn’t mind dating her though. What should I do to solve the problem? I want her to be the giddy person I knew a few weeks ago. My roommate still thinks she likes me, but she’s not showing it. What do you think?

I normally eat lunch with her and another friend on Fridays. Today is her birthday. Why is she acting like this to me and not everybody else?

-Confused
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Dear Confused,
Wish her happy birthday and ask her if you can take her out to eat or for coffee to celebrate. This should be an ice breaker- then hopefully you can talk with her more. I know it will sound a bit cheesey, but be honest with your feelings. Tell her that, “I miss when you are happy and giddy around me, is everything ok?” If you express concern for her feelings she might be more willing to open up.

Why doesn’t my dad love me? He never acts like he’s proud of me no matter what I do. He is very selfish and always,accuses me of being the selfish one, which I can be sometimes but not as bad as him. He always tells me I’m a burden to him and he calls me a bi*ch all the time. Sometimes he acts like he is going to hit me. Why does he hate me? I thought all fathers loved their kids?

-Desperate for my Father’s Love

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Dear Desperate,

Your dad was probably raised the same way that he treats you. This doesn’t excuse his behavior. It could just be a repeated pattern. Sometimes people just don’t understand the dynamic of love nor how to show affection. You are deserving of love and appreciation just as much as he is and should have received as well. You cannot change his past, but you certainly can change and shape your future. Find strength within yourself and knowing that you are doing the best that you can do for yourself and your future. Then one day when you have children you will be able to provide them the love and attention that your father is incapable of providing you now.

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at: honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

So in a former life I was once a waitress/sever as well as a bartender. Contrary to popular belief these positions aren’t exactly as glamorous as one might expect. Serving people can be quite a fast paced and at times an intense experience. I figured I might do a little throw back and provide some details to this over looked and at times under appreciated position. It’s amazing how crabby people can become over food service at times. I recall once having a customer walk into a store and demand to be seated even though we did not open for another 45 minutes. When he was told this information he went on to say he had called ahead and had already driven over an hour to come to this restaurant and that he couldn’t believe that he couldn’t be served food. Mind you this was in the morning…and we served lunch and dinner- the food was prepared fresh daily so it’s not like we could just whip something up for him. Regardless, he ended up throwing an adult tantrum ” I will never come back to this store again, and just you wait I will tell everyone I know not to come here..” Yes, seriously… It’s just food people what is the big deal?! Another thing that I noticed that was truly depressing was how many people just assume that you should service them hand and foot. I am not saying that you shouldn’t receive positive and high quality customer service but at the same time you shouldn’t treat someone as though they are beneath you. I recall once going to welcome a table and offer drinks and literally had a 70 something year old woman put her hand in my face and say ” Um, excuse me go away, we aren’t ready to order drinks yet”  Her table mates just sunk into their chairs and looked down at thier menus obviously embarassed with how rude this woman had been to me. And finally the most flabbergasting truth about serving- as a server depending on where you reside- in most states you don’t even make minimum wage! Yes, this is yet a little known fact and truth of working in the restaurant industry. I have lived in Indiana and Florida the most that I have ever made serving hourly was $3.15 as a bartender and before that as a server it was $2.15. Yes, yes, yes, plus tips…but there in lies the problem. Most people make the assumption that you are making minimum wage…therefore they might think, “Hey, I know I just dropped $100 on feeding my family, and hypothetically I should tip you 20% which would be $20…but you make minimum wage so I don’t feel so bad giving you a $2 tip…” So at best I just spent an hour of my time wining, dining and sometimes entertaining you and your family for a measily $5.15… So here is what I hope that you as the reader can take away from my post:

-be kind to those that work in the service industry
-realize they might be under paid so tip accordingly
-recognize that the food is only half of the experience and that good service matters

Have you or someone you know worked in the restaurant industry? Do you have some funny or ridiculous stories that you would like to share? Please feel free to comment below.

*If you have a topic or question please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

 

I am having a really simple wedding. I want it to look casual and simple. I feel like I am far from a monster bride. I have not asked my bridesmaids to do ANYTHING…like no help, no dress fittings. I bought all of their dresses and said I was more than happy to pay for hair and make up. I bought their shoes and paid for the hotels for all of them for the night before. I am not even wanting or expecting a bachelorette party or shower because I have been married before.One of the FEW things I have asked is for everyone to wear their hair down. I am wearing my hair down and I think a updo would look too formal. One of the bridesmaids has basically told me she doesn’t want to wear her hair down and she intends to pay a professional to give her an elaborate updo. I have tried asking nicely and all I basically got was a “what are you going to do about it?”If I kick her out of the wedding it will create incredible drama with my friends, which I don’t need. But I feel like it’s tacky to have her with a more involved hairstyle than anyone else, including me would have. What would you do?
-Gracious Bride
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Dear Gracious Bride,
Wow, I would love to be a part of your wedding! Most brides don’t have the budget nor the conscience to think of the cost, time, and effort that goes into being a part of the bridal party. You are making this so easy and thoughtful for those involved, it should be reciprocated. I think if I were you I would be straight with her. ” Our friendship means a lot to me and this day is very important, I would really like you to be a part of it. I have something envisioned that I think will make everyone look cohesive and really set the tone for the wedding. I would really appreciate it if you would respect my wishes for this day and go along with the plan” If she says no then you need to decide if it’s worth it or not to fight over. I would think your other friends would support you in this matter seeing how gracious you have been. Maybe they can talk her into it. In the end its your day and all the focus should be on you anyway and most likely it will be. It might make the photos look weird but at the same token years from now you can look back and chuckle about it.
* If you have a question or topic please contact me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

So forgive, that my post for today is a couple of hours later than usual, I’ve been a bit behind! Anyway, someone asked me a question and I believe it to be completely legitimate and I think at times people might confuse the two. I was asked to define the differences between exclusivity and commitment. And interestingly enough my thoughts were flooded with answers and yet I still felt that I needed to dig a little deeper to come up with a logical response. So, here it goes…. Exclusivity is when two people decide that they will no longer date anyone else. They are “exclusive” to one another. I think when you are dating someone it’s only a natural progression when you are both truly invested in the relationship and wish to see it continue on a more serious level. Where commitment runs deeper and potentially for a lifetime. Commitment is realizing that the other person isn’t perfect, that they might never change, but in the end you love them regardless or their faults or flaws. And unfortunately, I cannot provide specifics to what would be deemed as “acceptable” flaws  because we have different experiences and thoughts that allow us to match up with different types of people. Regardless, I believe when we are matched up or we do find that person there should be a balance and by the same token push us the be the best versions of ourselves. Exclusivity I believe is a step towards commitment. However, commitment takes a lot more work and also assists us with learning to grow and become more malleable to dealing with life’s changes.  What are your thoughts about exclusivity and commitment?

* If you have a question or a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

 

My partner and I have been together for 3 years and counting, we absolutley adore each other, even when we piss each other off lol. We have been through so much together so I know that our relationship is built upon strong grounds. I can really see us being happy for the rest of our lives. He isn’t fussed about marriage although he does want to get married. I really want to spice it up just like our relationship is, so exciting and different so I wanted to be the one who asks him to marry me instead of him asking me. It feels right but I’m embarrassed that people might frown upon the fact that I am asking him. How should I do it? My best friends thinks I should write on the bathroom mirror with lipstick “Will you marry me?” but I’m not sure. Or edit my cover photo on fb, is me asking him to marry me right or wrong?

-Anonymous

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If you think this person is the one, then why not ask? And if it feels right then you should go with it. Just because it’s not traditional doesn’t mean it cannot be done. I definitely would not put it on Facebook.  It’s not personal and could potentially be taken lightly.  If you want it to be special make it something specific to each of you. Example, your first date took place a bowling alley, so go back to that exact place and pop the question there. Or maybe the first place that you realized you loved your partner- it could be in the middle of your living room- even though it’s not a “special” location it’s the thought and reasoning that means more. Either way just try and find a way to make it unique and personal to your relationship. Good luck & congrats!

* If you have a question or a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

Dear Honest Good Advice,
This is something I am very interested in, and if you know about reputable or reliable books or research done in the specific area of falling in love and people who fall in love quickly, please share.When I was younger, I would “fall” for and become obsessed with guys I barely knew. And then I snapped out of it… I began seeing what I wanted and what I didn’t want, what I could live without and what I couldn’t, and the fact that the best person in front of me now is not the best person in my future, etc.

To put it briefly, I got real, and I learned to difference between genuine interest, friendship, infatuation, lust, etc. I realized I don’t need anyone and it took only a few minutes to snap out of this.

Yet there are guys who claim to fall for me, and actually become nearly obsessed with me, periodically. I honestly try to help them and get them to see that I am nothing special and that they do not even know me, but they can’t see the situation for what it is. It’s kind of pathetic and I’m glad I’m not like that to anyone anymore.

But I want to know why do you think people are like this?

 -Seeking Honest Love
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Dear Seeking Honest Love,
 
I think when we are children we are innocent and curious about the world and how things work and interact. To some degree we are also mimicking what we see around us, relationships between our parents, grandparents, strangers, the media, movies, tv it’s all around us. We all have within us the need to feel loved and secure. Then as we age we learn how the world and life works for each of us and how we all coexist with one another. Now as to why would people just fall into love “blindly” without thought? Well to some degree it’s not completely thoughtless…or should I say it’s not just on a whim. Sometimes people find something in the other person, a common interest, or maybe they remind them of someone in their life presently or from their past that brought them comfort. Also, and interestingly there is the scientic notion of pheromones. Each of us has our own genetic stink if you will. These smells that we produce might instance one mate while on the other hand turn another away. The concept of love, lust, and infatuation to some degree is all entwined initially. If we didn’t have that initial phase of puppy eyed romance most of us would never procreate nor attempt to “love” someone else. It’s kinda like a smoke screen if you will, to lure each of you together. As for someone being obsessed with you maybe it’s not you but the mere notion of wanting something that can’t be taken. We all at some point want what we can’t have. And at the end of the day we are all special but no more than the other person. So if someone wants to love you or lust after you be appreciative that someone feels this way about you. It’s a compliment, it’s not meant to be an annoyance. And as for books there are a ton of them about relationships and love in any local bookstore in the Psychology section. Happy hunting!
 What are your thoughts about love and infatuation? Do you have books or links that you can suggest?
 
*If you have a question or topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com
 

Spiritualism vs Religion

What are your beliefs? Are you religious?

"A Colorful Soul is Born" by Vilma Rohena

These are questions that I’ve been asked before many times throughout my life. Even when I was a kid my friends who regularly attended church would ask “Where do you go to church?” Growing up I didn’t go to church, it wasn’t that it wasn’t allowed nor kept from me. In fact far from it, my mother was raised Catholic and was “forced” to attend growing up. So when she had her own children she never influenced myself nor my brother on where we should practice our faith. Most of my friends were Christian, although I did go to a Pentecostal church once. Not to be disrespectful, but that was an interesting experience in it’s own right…Regardless, for me what I have seen and experienced is that “religion” most of the time is organized and conformed to fit a small groups ideals which in turn influences the larger following group to go along… I don’t believe that any particular religion is right nor necessarily wrong either. I think each person needs something different or something that they can find relatable to thier own ideals. Interestingly enough, if you look at a lot of religions there are quite a few similarities among most but they might vary slightly due to location and traditions. As for my personal beliefs, there is more than just us and definitely there are “higher” powers. In my opinion it seems rather egocentric for us to assume that we are the only “beings” in this universe. There is so much more that science has yet to explore and so vast that we now know there are other universes but we just don’t know how yet to get there.  There is to much unknown to be known. Therefore, I choose spiritualism over religion- knowing there is something more but not labeling it.

*If you have a topic or question please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

My fiancee and I are getting married April 28th. Everything is basically good to go only problem is our families are TOTALLY different. Not so much my dads side but my mothers (they are divorced an can’t stand each other for this reason). My moms side of the family is very rich and a lot of the time tend to have a snobby attitude when it comes to people. My soon to be wifes family are the type that if you come around like that they have no problem telling you to “get that stick out your ***”.Don’t get me wrong they are very sweet and loving as can be but tend to come off strong. My mom already kind of mad a impression with my fiancees’ family when she met her brother and started questioning about all his tattoos. Then said “oh God, how could you do that to your body. (Turns to me) I hope you don’t plan on doing that”.I’ve talked to my dad about it and he thinks its funny. He says meeting her family will put my mom in place (my dad knows they aren’t bad people but he’s also been around them long enough to know the problems that could come about. He accually took the time to know them when we first met in high school).

My mom has no problem with my fiancee she says she lovely. Not a huge fan of her eyebrow piercing but nothing truly to complain about. But she has all to say about the family just by meeting her brother.

I know this may sound petty but we just want this day to go as smoothly as possible.
Advice is greatly appreciated!

-Hoping for Wedding Day Bliss
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Dear Hoping for Wedding Day Bliss,
Weddings are emotional and unfortunately sometimes can create waves. You love your fiancee and you want to spend the rest of your life with this person- at the end of the day that is all that matters. Your mom is being judgemental, whatever the reason she believes anything outside her social norm isn’t ok. You need to talk with your mother privately. Be open and honest about your feelings- “I want this day to be special and pleasant for everyone. This would mean a lot to me if you would attend and support us. I know that you don’t necessarily agree but these people are good people. I am your child, you raised me well and I wouldn’t be marrying this person and being a part of this family unless I knew this was right for me. I hope that you can be open to getting to know them.” She might try, she might not, but this way you’ve set the tone and cleared the air but also have opened the door for her to do what is best for you both.
 
*If you have a question or a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com