My husband and I have been together 10 years. We have 3 children. We have a very healthy and satisfying sex life. About a year ago I discovered a porn video case under a dresser and it was about transsexuals. The actual DVD was missing. I confronted my husband very calmly and told him I’d never judge him, but I needed to know the truth. He claimed he found the case behind the water heater. We were currently living in a temporary rental house that had many previous renters and had some other people’s odds and ends in it that had been left behind. I’ve never ever had any reason to think he was attracted to men. My husband has a fraternal twin brother who is in fact gay, and they don’t get along at all. The gay brother is actually my best friend and we go out alot together, but my husband can’t stand it and is vehemently against homosexuality. Anyway, so I chose to trust him and move on. Then today I was using my husband’s phone to look up something on the internet and “gay porn” and “homosexual pictures” showed up in the search box. So I checked the history and found that a number of porn videos about homosexual men, as well as videos about straight sex and some with just women. I was completely shocked. I don’t mind the porn, I’ve known he watches it forever and I’m secure enough in myself to not be bothered by it. But the gay stuff?? I’m just confused. I confronted him again and was very non accusing. I just asked him to please explain what was going on. At first he acted like he didn’t know what I was talking about, but when I pressed him further he went berserk and said he clicked on accident although he clearly typed those things in the search box. When I said that he got his phone and threw it against the wall. Then slammed through the house calling me names, saying he can’t believe I’d even ask him that question etc etc. Then he sat on the couch and started watching TV and wouldn’t talk or look at me for the rest of the day.


Facing our fears is scary and overwhelming, sometimes people find it easier to avoid them all together. I think your husband loves you however it sounds like he is curious or may have interest in men. The thing with this is most people who are in denial beat themselves up or refuse to admit that they prefer the other or both sexes. Maybe he saw some negative feedback for his brother growing up and fears that in him. Generally when we find something in someone else that we find repulsive it’s because we in turn have the capability of being the same way. I think the question you need to ask yourself is are you ok with his denial? And if not then that’s ok, and if so, then you need to be honest and tell him I love you regardless of what you prefer. And leave it at that. Subconsciously he will know that he is doesn’t have to hide from you.

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