Tag Archive: husband


She moved in next to us with her family we live in a townhouse and our fence is only 5 feet tall so she has been out all summer in string bikinis which leave very little to the imagination and I have noticed that my husband who used to hate the sun has been outside in our yard more than ever doing “yard work” which he never really like doing either,I know he is looking at her cause I could see this from our upstairs bedroom window.  I mentioned it to him and he said I was crazy and all men look but don’t stare. Well maybe they do but 30 years younger seems a little too much and its driving me crazy I know I will never look like her again I am short and a little overweight and I have had 4 children so my body is ruined and she is tall, dark blonde and gorgeous and I really wish my husband would respect my feelings.

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All men and women look. If the neighbor were a male and drop dead goregous you can’t say that you wouldn’t peak either! I believe that your insecurities are getting the best of you. Your husband is married to you, he loves and finds you attractive, you have 4 beautiful children. You might not look like her, but you have something she doesn’t- your husband. Let him oggle…it’s not like you need to be concerned I doubt your 18 year old neighbor has much interest in him. And it’s ok to look at beautiful things and appreciate them, it’s another to want to take advantage of them. Focus on things that make you happy that include him. It sounds like you might need to get back into courting one another again 🙂 Just cause it’s lost for the moment doesn’t mean it cannot be found yet again.

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

My husband and I have been together 10 years. We have 3 children. We have a very healthy and satisfying sex life. About a year ago I discovered a porn video case under a dresser and it was about transsexuals. The actual DVD was missing. I confronted my husband very calmly and told him I’d never judge him, but I needed to know the truth. He claimed he found the case behind the water heater. We were currently living in a temporary rental house that had many previous renters and had some other people’s odds and ends in it that had been left behind. I’ve never ever had any reason to think he was attracted to men. My husband has a fraternal twin brother who is in fact gay, and they don’t get along at all. The gay brother is actually my best friend and we go out alot together, but my husband can’t stand it and is vehemently against homosexuality. Anyway, so I chose to trust him and move on. Then today I was using my husband’s phone to look up something on the internet and “gay porn” and “homosexual pictures” showed up in the search box. So I checked the history and found that a number of porn videos about homosexual men, as well as videos about straight sex and some with just women. I was completely shocked. I don’t mind the porn, I’ve known he watches it forever and I’m secure enough in myself to not be bothered by it. But the gay stuff?? I’m just confused. I confronted him again and was very non accusing. I just asked him to please explain what was going on. At first he acted like he didn’t know what I was talking about, but when I pressed him further he went berserk and said he clicked on accident although he clearly typed those things in the search box. When I said that he got his phone and threw it against the wall. Then slammed through the house calling me names, saying he can’t believe I’d even ask him that question etc etc. Then he sat on the couch and started watching TV and wouldn’t talk or look at me for the rest of the day.

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Facing our fears is scary and overwhelming, sometimes people find it easier to avoid them all together. I think your husband loves you however it sounds like he is curious or may have interest in men. The thing with this is most people who are in denial beat themselves up or refuse to admit that they prefer the other or both sexes. Maybe he saw some negative feedback for his brother growing up and fears that in him. Generally when we find something in someone else that we find repulsive it’s because we in turn have the capability of being the same way. I think the question you need to ask yourself is are you ok with his denial? And if not then that’s ok, and if so, then you need to be honest and tell him I love you regardless of what you prefer. And leave it at that. Subconsciously he will know that he is doesn’t have to hide from you.

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

My wife and I have been together 3 years, married for one.  She has a 25 year old daughter who refuses to be responsible for herself. She holds a full-time job, but doesn’t make enough to support herself.  She now has a one year old of her own from a non-supportive, non-involved donor. My wife has been paying $500/month rent, cell phone and car insurance for the daughter, with no end in sight.  Her daughter recently got her license back from a DUI, ( $750 we paid to the Lawyer) but is facing two pending  cases of driving while her license was suspended. The daughter has recently taken two alcohol-infused weekends at the beach, which (the way I see it) we paid for.  Lawyer fees, court fees and fines… guess who will pay that? Stop the madness!   She will not cut her daughter’s support off, nor make her responsible for her own mistakes!   I have thought of Family or marriage counsel, but I feel my wife will just continue to support the daughter.   Any ideas?

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You need to sit down and discuss this with your wife. And I think it very wise of you both to seek counsel. There comes a point in our lives where we have to let our loved ones learn from their own mistakes and take responsibility for their actions. Unfortunately, this is tough love. What your wife is doing isn’t healthy for herself, your marriage nor for the future of your daughter and grand daughter. The main concern here should be the child (grandchild) who unfortunately is the innocent victim of these circumstances. Your wife needs counseling. She thinks that she is being loving and nuturing when in reality she is just making the situation worse. I would be honest with your feelings, she won’t like what she hears but ultimately it is the truth and the behavior needs to be corrected.

*If you have a question and would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmai.com

I’ve been married for 8 years, but the marriage started going wrong about a year ago but we still live together for the kids. I met this cute guy at work and got a crush on him, and admitted this to my husband. He said ‘go for it’ and so I did. One thing lead to another and me and the guy ended up sleeping together. However, this guy has all sorts of baggage and has only just come out of a year long relationship, so I know deep down he probably doesn’t really want me, and I probably shouldn’t get him involved in my **** either, but I really want him to want me back as much as I want him. Although we work in the same place we don’t work together, so have no reason to be seen talking. I want to get it out exactly where I stand. He knows about my situation and doesn’t want to make things worse, but still came over to my place the other night anyway! but when I text him, he never replies, and the weirdness is driving me mad! The next day, I admitted to my husband what had happened, where he then said he’d been to a hotel that same night with a mutual friend of ours. I always had my suspicions about the two of them, but my husband had always just called me crazy and paranoid. I’m also due to start a new job in a few weeks, and I’m stressed and anxious about this too.
I just don’t know how to deal with all of this, it is such a mess. I barely sleep, and don’t eat. I feel like I’m going mad or something. Help.

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I can’t imagine how your head is wrapping around this right now! First, I do not have full insight into your marriage-some people have open marriages and they somehow make it work. However, based on what you have provided it sounds like you do not. I am a bit concerned that your husband gave you the thumbs up to see someone else. That isn’t a healthy relationship and it sounds like there is definitely a lack of communication and commitment between the two of you. I think the best question to ask yourself is what do you want? I know that you are emotionally attached to the new guy however it still sounds like you have feelings for your husband. And for the new guy that isn’t fair and for you it just makes things all too complicated. In many ways, and again I do not know the whole story, but I think you might be better off alone and sorting this out by yourself for a while. Generally when you can remove yourself from an emotionally attached situation you give yourself the time to process everything. If you want to try and save your marriage you should seek counsel. You do have something positive right now- a new job that is coming, do you best to focus your attention on that while sorting this out after hours. Again I highly recommend counsel with or without your spouse.

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

Love is Divine

I’m a very sick wife/mother that wants to choose a new wife/mother for my husband before I die, is that right?

-C

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I think as a wife and partner for life you would want the very best for those that you love with or without you. However, I think that you should enjoy the time that you do have with him now. He is probably trying very hard to hold on to every moment that he has left with you. So I wouldn’t recommend discussing this with him while you are still alive. Instead do all the things that you both wanted to do together but didn’t get the chance to before you pass.  If you have a living will, write a letter that can be presented to him from your attorney. In the note assure him how much he means to you, that you will always be there for him even if it’s not in the flesh, and that you want the very best for him. And when he is ready to find love that you respect it and want him to continue to live his life and be happy. Love has no bounds and does not judge. I think it’s admirable that you are looking at this with understanding, compassion and honest realistic love. Bless you.