Tag Archive: Parent


I am seeing my 13 year old after 5 years. (The mother took her overseas and reprogrammed her)? My daughter and I have just connected over the phone and she is very genuine and looks forward to seeing me soon.  The mother just got remarried. I am overwhelmed with emotions I don’t know what to say to her?

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If she is excited to see you then it sounds like your ex couldn’t have “reprogrammed” her as much as you might think. Tell her the truth that you’ve missed her dearly and that you love her very much. Once you set something up to meet with her, ask her what her favorite food is, take her to an age appropriate movie, go bowling. Try do activities that you think she might enjoy but also allow you the time to talk with her and get to know her better. Also it’s ok to be nervous and to even be honest with your feelings with her (as long as they are about you and her and not how upset you are about your ex/her mother) It’s about your relationship with her not about bashing her mom. Just focus on getting to know her better and enjoying your time with her 🙂

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

 

My mom asked me if I thought it was normal to find another companion at her age, or if she should just settle. She been alone since she was 30 so she’s used to it, and I didn’t really know what to tell her.

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Love has no age limit, nor boundaries. If she is ready and willing to be patient it will be worth her 20 years of waiting 🙂 Be supportive and tell her that she deserves to be loved just like everyone else.

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

 

People get so upset with me if I forget to take my cell phone with me or if I call back without listening to their voicemail first. A phone is a phone not my life and not my leash. I like being “out of pocket” every once in a while. It’s crazy how people respond “What if something happens and someone needs to get a hold of you?!” Then I’ll get it when I look at my phone or it’ll fall the way that it’s meant to be. But I don’t have to be hooked up to my phone 24/7. It’s scary how dependent most people have become to thier cell phones. I love mine don’t get me wrong but I would rather engage in face to face interaction or spend quality time with you rather than be at your beck and call 😉

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

Enjoy the read:

There was something to be said for the old-fashioned landline, with a handset so bulky, you had to tuck it between your neck and shoulder to get your hands free. They didn’t — couldn’t — go everywhere with us. Now we’re tethered to our mobiles — addicted, even. They’ve become handy tools for avoidance, and it’s our children who are getting the bad end of the deal.

All around me, I see parents with their babies and toddlers and young kids — but not with them. The grownups are on the phone. The dad pushing his son on the swing set while hands-free on his mobile isn’t really with his child. The mom pushing her baby in a pram while she’s yakking on the phone isn’t really with her child.

The kids aren’t too happy about it. They’re pulling on their parents’ clothes. They’re yanking on their arms. They’re acting out to get attention. I’ve heard them begging their parents to stop, disconnect. I’ve watched children start to whimper the minute the mobile is picked up — off the dinner table. During dinner. The son of a friend of mine recently announced, at age 10, that he hates cell phones. Actually, he will tell you he hates technology. IPads don’t fool him. Neither does texting. He understands that his father can never get away from his work — and the office won’t get away from his father. He sees the phone, and he thinks, I’ve lost my dad’s attention. And that’s what children crave: attention. We all do.

Parents have to break the phone habit before it is too late. I’m not talking about getting extreme here — no phone calls around a child, ever. But I am talking about giving more thought to all the missed opportunities for communicating with a child. For simply being with her. Quietly. I was pleased to find the blog of a young mother from Alabama, Rachel Stafford, who has started an aptly titled campaign called Hands Free Mama, encouraging parents to put away the tech toys and be present with their children.

Is being a parent boring? Sometimes. Lots of times. And guess what.

Read more: http://ideas.time.com/2012/05/17/why-cell-phones-are-bad-for-parenting/#ixzz1znFaDXYo

A topic that has been brought up among many people is if I remarry will and how will it affect my children. As a product of divorce and remarriage from a child’s perspective I can understand the hesitancy. The thing is at the end of the day if you love someone and they want to be with you they will need to learn to accept all of you. If this includes kids and pets then so be it. But on the same token I would suggest you tread lightly when it comes to introducing the kids to this new found love. I can tell you that initally I was upset that my mother had decided to remarry and felt as though she were attempting to replace my exisiting father. Mind you I was 12 years old and your scope of understanding life, marriage, and divorce is a bit skwed. Now as an adult I learned that he is a much better husband for her than my dad was. Sometimes things just don’t work or other things in life take over and we loose sight of marriage. It does happen and there is no one person to blame it’s a work in progress pretty much from the point you say “I do” until the day “death do us part”. But as for the topic of how will it affect my children. In many ways and they will all be different because we all deal differently with change. If my mom were to remarry the same person she is with now today I would be happy very happy for her. But that’s because I’m older and have a better idea of how marriage and life works. Not an all knowing view…but much better than a 12 year old who thought she did know all 😉 I think the best thing you can do is be open and honest with your child. Tell them you love them very much and that so does thier mom/dad. But sometimes people fall out of love but it doesn’t affect the love that they have for the child. And you can further solidify that now they will have even more love by adding a new spouse to the mix. 🙂 Just know that anytime there is an adjustment for anyone regardless of age there will be push back and uncomfort. It’s just human nature. But know that given time and with patience they will come around and learn to appreciate those in thier lives. Will it affect them yes, but the real question is how and that depends on how you and your new spouse decided to approach it 🙂

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

 

My sister wants to divorce her husband.  They have a daughter who just turned 18.  The daughter has some money in a savings account.  The account is under both my nieces and sisters names because she was a minor when the account was established.  It’s quite a bit of money, my niece saved up her birthday money, babysitting, odd jobs and so on.  My sister is afraid her husband will try to take half of it in the divorce.  She wants to get a non-interest bearing checking account for her daughter. The account will be in her daughters name using her daughters social security number.  My sisters name wont be anywhere on the account.  She wants to transfer all the money into the new account and close the old one before starting the divorce.  My sister also wants me to be on the account as the beneficiary only.  She said by doing this, her soon to be ex, wont be able to touch any of the money.  Since their daughter is now an adult, he can’t touch her funds.  I’m not so sure about that.  Is this true?

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I would advise your niece to take care of this on her own. Since the money is hers there is no need for you nor your sister to be involved in the transferring/beneficiary process. The concern is that if your sister decides to turn this into a big ordeal she will make it appear as though she is trying to hide money from her soon to be ex. When in the end what is right is that it is the daughters money and hers alone. She needs to move it to her own account and claim sole responsibility over her assets.

I want to know what the world would be like if i just vanished.  I honestly think that i am a waste of space, and i the world wouldn’t be any different without me, My parents think all i do is complain, and i am just lazy. I am honestly not. They don’t understand how much i do for them. I am always there for them even if i dont want to. I always get the short end of the stick when it come to situations. I feel like they expect me to follow the stereotypical expectations of a women. Im 15 , and forever will be a tomboy. I love sports, and hanging out. but they want me cooped up in the house cleaning and cooking. I always get the comment, “Sit like a lady, act like a lady, go help mom clean, cook” i honestly cant take it anymore. I dont know what i will do. please help

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It would be a world that would be empty of your smiling face and the happiness that you bring to those around you. I do not think that your parents intentionally focus on repremanding you. Generally speaking when people act a certain way or treat others a certain way it’s because that is what they learned or were treated as well. This doesn’t make it right nor ok but it does allow you to step back and realize that this is a process and a repeated pattern. It can be changed but only if they want to change it. And you also must realize that there are so many things in this world to be grateful for. What we choose to focus on in our lives affect our feelings and thoughts. Instead of focusing on the negatives that are around you what are the positives? I have a roof over my head, although my parents nag me about things it’s because they love me, I have food available to me when I am hungry etc. There is so much more in this world that could be so much worse. I understand that you don’t feel appreciated nor respected so be honest with those feelings. Sometimes we get so caught up in our own thoughts and feelings we don’t realize what else is going on around us? Have your parents been stressed as of late? What’s going on in thier lives right now? I would sit down with them and in a non-confrontational way tell them how you are feeling and how sometimes when they talk to you or mention something it hurts your feelings. Communication and being open will help this situation.

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

 

I am so depressed it us unreal. With so many things going on in my life it’s overwhelmingly unbearable. My parents just went to court and got officially divorced, today. (13 years old…. Not hard to figure it out). I’ve already posted many questions about the same topic. I am very religious catholic boy. I understand that god is giving me important wisdom that can help me accomplish something when I’m older or give me help for a future problem but I can’t seem to figure out why I have to go through so much pain for help from god. I am pouring my heart and thoughts onto this post. It’s so painful between my parents divorce and school.  Is it right to question god’s plan for me? Is it ok to feel sad still after 2 months it has been since they told me? I am curious. GOD BLESS YOU.  Thanks for your input.

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I know that it might seem like something painfully awful but divorce can be a blessing in disguise. If your parents both agreed that it’s best to separate then that is there choice and not yours. And this decision has nothing to do with you. Sometimes people grow apart, or loose sight of the common goal or interest, or loose themselves in one another. If you had your choice would you want your parents to stay together and be miserable for the rest of their lives and live a lie? Or would you prefer they part, learn and grow, and become better people and parents because of it? I know that you are sad and think that this must be a failure but it is not- you are correct it is a lesson. And many times lessons are painful- and I think sometimes they are because then it helps us to remember them. And to also appreciate the manying blessing that we already have. I know it’s hard and you may not understand right now, but give your parents and yourself sometime. You will come to realize this is the best decision. It will work out 🙂

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

If I Adopt will the Child Love Me?

I have ALWAYS wanted to adopt a child. I also want one or two of my own but I definitely want to adopt at least one child. Just from things I have heard over the years, I am afraid I will have a child that feels incomplete with my family and not happy because they are missing something. For anyone who has been adopted, do you love your parents as much as you would your bio parents? Do you feel like you are constantly missing something and unhappy about it? I’m afraid I will adopt a child and they will just wish they were with their bio parents.

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All children crave love, support, and guidance. It doesn’t matter how the person who provides this is related to the child. Just be open and understanding to their potential desires to know where there roots lie. Sometimes the parents can’t afford emotionally, psychologically, nor financially for their newborn child. Or maybe it was created out of less than pleasant experiences. Either way the child has been brought into this world and deserves love just as much as everyone else. As long as you remain a positive and constant aspect of a child’s life they will love and be grateful in return.

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

Stuck in the Middle

My mom wants me and her to move to another state far away from my brother and dad.. and she will only go if I go with her. She is an alcoholic (been to rehab) and she wants to get her life back together. My dad abuses her and has ever since he got in a bad car accident. She wants to get away from the abuse and doesn’t think its a good environment for me to be in. My brothers are mean to my mom and are “rebels”… my mom is extreemly sensitive and stressed. I’m not really sure that I want to go though since I am a freshman and I have all my friends and life situated.. I am happy with my life and am doing really well in school and such.. my dad is upset and mad that I would possibly go with her and leave him and my brothers.. he said that they will not come and visit, but I could come and visit them. I don’t know what I should do, can someone please give me advice?? I need it. If I stay here, I don’t want to be the one that held my mom back from escaping this :’/
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I don’t believe this environment is condusive to your health nor your mom’s. If you are doing well in school and have a great support system in friends then I understand your hesitency to want to stay put. However, you’re mom would do better in removing herself from the situation. Is there any way she could compromise by moving out but staying with the city? This way you could stay at the same school, see your brothers and father and also support her?
 
*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com
 
My family some of the most annoying human beings I’ve ever metMy mother: Probably the worse always complains and criticizes me will never let me say anything or do anything without making comments and just in-general puts me down she is stupid ignorant hypocritical and two faced

My dad: Half the time he is drunk and just can’t shut up always talks loudly on the phone never stays true to promises puts me down and saying I’m going to be a failure in life and pretty much only wants me to be an author because he was a failure in his own life

So hypocritical and just god-damn ignorant and annoying

My brother: Annoying that’s it just annoying his friends are annoying he’s annoying and he is dumb

I just cannot wait to move out- but until then how do I endure this frustrating family?

 
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We are only blessed to have one family but we can choose who are friends are. I understand that you are frustrated but even in all of this I am sure at SOME point and possibly multiple points you have had positive experiences with each of them. You wouldn’t be here without them- I am not agreeing with them putting you down or belittling you. I would suggest that you try and find a “second” family in those around you such as friends. Those that can be supportive and compassionate. Just be patient and I am sure given time you will be able to move out.
 
*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com