Tag Archive: relationships


Online Dating-Good or Bad?

I have had and know several friends who have used/use online resources for dating. In today’s world everything except toilet paper has gone digital! I think because our lifestyles are set to move at such a rapid pace and that we tend to focus on the milestones in life as well as our careers we tend to lose site of the simple joys of dating and courtship. It’s amazing to me how many people whom do meet their partners online or even spouse they tend to be someone that lives in their neighborhood or close proximity of their living space. I am not saying this is always the case, but it does seem to happen quite often more so than one would think. Just imagine if we all took a moment to put down our cell phones we might have actually met the person in real life instead of digitally first. Again, I’m not knocking the service, I’ve known several people whom were so busy that it was the simplest way to put themselves out there without really…putting themselves out there. It’s so much easier to hit the decline button than it is to reject someone in real life. But at the same time I think as a human you are missing out on that experience. I’m not saying that it’s something to look forward to nor to enjoy. But it does help us learn how to handle awkward social situations better than just hitting a button and moving on to the next profile. Also, one thing to be weary about online dating are those that tend to over exaggerate or inflate themselves. Or use the site as a rotating girlfriend/boyfriend tool. Someone can sure look spectacular on screen but when you meet them in real life it’s not even close to what you saw and read on the profile! The thing is unless you are willing to be honest with yourself and others as well as be open then you will never move forward into a significant relationship. You both have to have similiar…not the same…but a common interest or view point to life. It will filter people for you and provide you with the “cream of the crop” to match you interests but if someone is boasting about how they are someone they truly are not then everyone will end up disappointed. If you want success play it smart and with honesty. Be honest with yourself and go off your first inital reactions when answering dating  questionarraires.  If you do decide to meet someone meet them in a public setting. It really does suck to lose the romantic side of being picked up and taken out…but remember anyone can create a profile and you might not get what you intended. So better to play it safe than sorry. If something feels off or wrong then trust that instinct it’s there for a reason. If you enjoy the date and things go well then be honest and tell them you’d like to meet again. I have never understood drawing out the process and making people wonder….It’s ok if you need the time to process but if you do have a great time then tell the other person that! Some great first date ideas would be the zoo, theme park, beach, basically something that allows the two of you to interact with one another with little distraction. Movies are nice but you basically end up sitting there watching the film instead of engaging with one another. What has been your experience with online dating? Has it been good or bad?

 

If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

 

Advertisements

She moved in next to us with her family we live in a townhouse and our fence is only 5 feet tall so she has been out all summer in string bikinis which leave very little to the imagination and I have noticed that my husband who used to hate the sun has been outside in our yard more than ever doing “yard work” which he never really like doing either,I know he is looking at her cause I could see this from our upstairs bedroom window.  I mentioned it to him and he said I was crazy and all men look but don’t stare. Well maybe they do but 30 years younger seems a little too much and its driving me crazy I know I will never look like her again I am short and a little overweight and I have had 4 children so my body is ruined and she is tall, dark blonde and gorgeous and I really wish my husband would respect my feelings.

—————————————————————————————————————————————————

All men and women look. If the neighbor were a male and drop dead goregous you can’t say that you wouldn’t peak either! I believe that your insecurities are getting the best of you. Your husband is married to you, he loves and finds you attractive, you have 4 beautiful children. You might not look like her, but you have something she doesn’t- your husband. Let him oggle…it’s not like you need to be concerned I doubt your 18 year old neighbor has much interest in him. And it’s ok to look at beautiful things and appreciate them, it’s another to want to take advantage of them. Focus on things that make you happy that include him. It sounds like you might need to get back into courting one another again 🙂 Just cause it’s lost for the moment doesn’t mean it cannot be found yet again.

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

5 Steps to Let Go of Anger for a Happier Life

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Alden Tan

“We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” ~Albert Einstein

Hi. My name is Alden, and I’m an angry guy. I’m 26 years old.

Anger has always been an issue for me. I hate the feeling of being angry, especially for no particular reason.

It feels like it’s eating me up from the inside out.

It can get so bad sometimes that I can get pissed off while I’m alone in my room, just blogging or surfing the net, whenever a negative thought passes through my head.

Anger makes me feel upset with myself. I wonder why that I, a grown adult, still have to deal with issues that have been around since my high school days.

Am I still as immature as I was then? Why is it so hard to let go?

Some Angry Milestones

These are some of the events that made me angry with life:

My dad passed away when I was 20—from an incurable disease. Someone I grew up with was taken away suddenly. I still feel pissed with the world.

An ex-girlfriend cheated on me—with a guy with a bad reputation. It felt like an insult to me.

A friend who I was very close with betrayed me. He accused me of something he messed up himself. Years of friendship went down the drain. I never felt such disgust for a single person before.

I got punched in the eye once—by this guy in a club. I won’t go into it, but I didn’t think I did anything wrong.

These are only the major events of my life. I also get angry with other things in life, like a late bus or rude people.

Anger has been always one of my greatest challenges. Sometimes it feels like I need to get it all out, once and for all, but I don’t want to end up like some people who act rashly, by getting into fights, for example.

If you’re reading this, you might be like me. You’re very aware of a problem you have and you want a way out of it.

I’m sharing this now because I’ve worked on it for a long time and I hope it can help you do the same.

I can’t say I have it all under perfect control, but I’ve learned a few ways to tame that angry monster inside:

1. Replace a negative thought with an awesome one.

More often than not, it’s a negative thought derived from a bad memory that makes me upset, instantly.

As stated, this is where you should replace the bad thought with an awesome thought.

Don’t even approach the bad thought.

Don’t try to rationalize it.

Don’t even think about it.

The way I see it, any of the above is a passive reaction to the negative thought, hence making you feel the negative feelings that follow, which isn’t helping you at all.

So, replace the negative thought on the spot.

Just think of something you like. It could be a fond memory in the past or something you really want in the future.

I personally like to go crazy with my imagination and come up with amazing scenarios, like when I’m listening to a song I like, I imagine myself singing it in my own music video.

Sometimes distraction is a good approach, if it’s something you’ve already dealt with but keep rehashing in your head. Watch TV, listen to music, read something, or just go out. It helps.

2. Let it all out in cliché manners.

You know something?

The clichés work.

Every tip you can find in blogs, magazines, or the newspaper work.

You just have to apply yourself and try it out.

Screaming onto your pillow actually makes you feel like you released a ton of emotions that are trying to get out.

Writing an angry letter to the person you bear a grudge against allows you to clearly articulate your feelings. Just make sure you don’t send it.

Exercising really helps with anger too. Sweating it out and letting the adrenaline take over your body can clear just about anything.

I know how it is when you feel angry and then listen to advice that you doubt will help your situation. It feels like nobody out there can fully empathize with how you feel, so who are they to talk, right?

I can empathize, and I promise that if you give it a shot, you’ll be surprised with the results.

3. Surround yourself with positive people.

Anger is a personal issue for everyone.

But unfortunately, some people around you cannot fully understand what you go through.

I find that most people feel angry because of their surroundings.

You hang out with supposed friends who make condescending remarks at you, but you don’t think you should do anything about because you don’t want to come across as petty.

You have a really dysfunctional office environment, filled with shady colleagues and a controlling boss.

Do these things sound familiar to you?

The problem is, people think they are “stuck” or they absolutely “must” be with such people because of their circumstances.

I say otherwise.

Make the conscious effort to surround yourself with people you can look up to and talk to. It won’t always be easy—if you need to look for a new job, for example—but it’s worth the time and effort.

Our surroundings influence our mood in a major way. So instead of focusing solely on addressing your inner anger, also address the external factors that trigger it.

4. Make caring for yourself a priority.

I used to be a lot angrier before my dad’s passing.

Sounds contradictory? Continue reading.

You see, as I grew up, I always did the “right thing.”

I never talked back to people who insulted me to my face. I walked away from fights. I held back a lot of my emotions.

But as a result of doing all the “right” things, I went home feeling angry with myself.

When my father died, it just hit me there and then, “I did so much for people around me, and yet this still happened.”

My biggest takeaway from my father’s death was that you have to live life to the fullest, and sometimes, if not all the time, it’s okay to take care of yourself more than anything in this world.

I’ve fallen out with friends who kept insulting me.

I now actively make the choices that suit me, even if others disagree. (For example, I may not even go to a gathering when I know someone I dislike is there.)

I even quit my job to be a full-time blogger, much to the surprise of my friends.

Caring for myself more has allowed me to truly express myself and not hold back any longer. The anger has subsided a lot as I don’t have to look back and ask, “What if?”

Your life is your own. And life is short.

If you feel anger taking control, let it go by caring for yourself. Don’t be afraid to be yourself. It is by being yourself that you can fully realize the life you’re meant to live, and anger has no part in that.

5. Decide you don’t want to add to the hate in this world.

When I feel angry sometimes I have crazy ideas of seeking justice, of finding my wrongdoers and letting them have it once and for all.

But I don’t act on it because I don’t want to add on to the crap in this world.

Let it go, not just for a better future, but also because you’re a good person. And a good person isn’t angry most of the time. Instead, he sees beauty in the world and strives for a positive life, in which others around him can be inspired too.

Choose to let go of your anger so you can be that person.

There are many other positive emotions you can enjoy when you make the effort to let go of your anger.

I am seeing my 13 year old after 5 years. (The mother took her overseas and reprogrammed her)? My daughter and I have just connected over the phone and she is very genuine and looks forward to seeing me soon.  The mother just got remarried. I am overwhelmed with emotions I don’t know what to say to her?

—————————————————————————————————————————————————

If she is excited to see you then it sounds like your ex couldn’t have “reprogrammed” her as much as you might think. Tell her the truth that you’ve missed her dearly and that you love her very much. Once you set something up to meet with her, ask her what her favorite food is, take her to an age appropriate movie, go bowling. Try do activities that you think she might enjoy but also allow you the time to talk with her and get to know her better. Also it’s ok to be nervous and to even be honest with your feelings with her (as long as they are about you and her and not how upset you are about your ex/her mother) It’s about your relationship with her not about bashing her mom. Just focus on getting to know her better and enjoying your time with her 🙂

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

 

I have been dating this man off and on for around 3 years. I am absolutely in love with him, and I know he loves me dearly too. We were there for each other when no else was there for us. He is an amazing boyfriend and treats me very well. I love him, and it is now getting to the point where we are considering marriage.

He has already bought the ring after 6 months of us talking. I feel like he might be uncertain about a lot of things, but I do not really have the time to wait because I want to go into the military so they will help me pay for law school. I do not want to pressure him or give him an ultimatum because I love him and want him to do it on his own, but he is still lingering on our differences in religion (this is the reason why we have broke up, but we worked it out and now he bringing it up again), and he is always saying he wants to get married, but he is always creating another excuse like money issues or other problems. I do not think he is ready, but I cannot stick around waiting for him to propose.

My family and friends say he will feel differently once I am in the military, but at the same time I do not think it is fair that I accept his proposal because he wants me to himself the whole year we are apart before we can marry. Do not get me wrong, I love him with all of my heart, but I cannot help but feel like he will propose just cause he does not want me to meet other guys.

I am meeting with my recruiter in about a week and going to MEPS for my physical examination. In a couple of days afterwards I will either pick a job and swear in or I will be in DEP for some time. What do you guys think I should do? I am not going to tell him when I swear in, but do you think I should tell him that when I swear in there will not be that option to be with me anymore? I hate doing that, and I do not want to seem like the awful girlfriend that does this to her boyfriend, but I think that he believes that he can have me whenever he feels like which is wrong. Once again, he is a very good boyfriend. I am not trying to make him look like a villain, and I am not trying to make myself look like one either, but he does not seem like he is ready for the next step really, and I have to move on with my life. It will be very hard, but I want to do something awesome with my life.

And please, mature comments only.

—————————————————————————————————————————————————-

Sometimes we let our fear of being alone get the best of us or potentially the fear of the unknown which leaves us uncertain about our future. If joining the military is something that you feel is right for you and will provide you with a positive experience then go for it. I have to forewarn you however that (am a military wife) joining the military just to receive educational benefits in my opinion is not enough. It sounds peachy and all but at the end of the day you become government property, you potentially could see the dark side of humanity, the political bs of the world first hand, and will be putting yourself at harms way. I would recommend speaking with a few more people who are serving or have once served and ask them what their experiences have been like- some are so bad they don’t talk about it at all. As for your boyfriend if he loves you he will wait for you and vice versa. I don’t think it wise to rush something if one of you is unsure. If you feel that you need to focus on your life then do so. If something is meant to be it will be. However, you should not sacrifice your life to wait for someone else to make up their mind. If anything move forward, without dishonesty and tell him what you are planning on doing with in regards to signing up for the military. You shouldn’t keep information from the ones you love, a relationship should be based on honesty regardless of fear of outcome. If you aren’t ready then tell him that. Speak from your heart, if you end up taking a break all is not lost. It may provide you both the space, time, and clarity to really think about what you want in your lives as well as in a partner. And there is nothing wrong with really thinking about what you want and taking your time. However if you wish to take the time to yourself he should respect that as should you for him if he needs more time to really think about his life. Don’t stress so much on the timeline of things, but more so on the path that you are taking.

A topic that has been brought up among many people is if I remarry will and how will it affect my children. As a product of divorce and remarriage from a child’s perspective I can understand the hesitancy. The thing is at the end of the day if you love someone and they want to be with you they will need to learn to accept all of you. If this includes kids and pets then so be it. But on the same token I would suggest you tread lightly when it comes to introducing the kids to this new found love. I can tell you that initally I was upset that my mother had decided to remarry and felt as though she were attempting to replace my exisiting father. Mind you I was 12 years old and your scope of understanding life, marriage, and divorce is a bit skwed. Now as an adult I learned that he is a much better husband for her than my dad was. Sometimes things just don’t work or other things in life take over and we loose sight of marriage. It does happen and there is no one person to blame it’s a work in progress pretty much from the point you say “I do” until the day “death do us part”. But as for the topic of how will it affect my children. In many ways and they will all be different because we all deal differently with change. If my mom were to remarry the same person she is with now today I would be happy very happy for her. But that’s because I’m older and have a better idea of how marriage and life works. Not an all knowing view…but much better than a 12 year old who thought she did know all 😉 I think the best thing you can do is be open and honest with your child. Tell them you love them very much and that so does thier mom/dad. But sometimes people fall out of love but it doesn’t affect the love that they have for the child. And you can further solidify that now they will have even more love by adding a new spouse to the mix. 🙂 Just know that anytime there is an adjustment for anyone regardless of age there will be push back and uncomfort. It’s just human nature. But know that given time and with patience they will come around and learn to appreciate those in thier lives. Will it affect them yes, but the real question is how and that depends on how you and your new spouse decided to approach it 🙂

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

 

I am 42, divorced, I have no idea what I am supposed to do next in my life? I feel like I completed some circle in my life, and now I am at the same place I was before.
When I was young, I lived alone in small apartment that I rented, I was dating and had a lot of time to have fun.
Then came  marriage, with family life, kids, house  and mortgage.
Now I am divorced, my kids almost grown up, and very soon will not need me anymore, so I feel like this stage of my life is also over.
Now I again live alone in small apartment that I rent, I am dating, and have a lot of free time to do what I like.
I tried dating women my own age, but I failed to find a lot in common with them, since most of the date they usually talk about their kids, or even how their marriages failed. This made me realize that I don’t want to enter into a life of another family, woman with kids, ex-husband, and what not. Since they are with kids, they also don’t have a lot of free time.
I am now dating 24 y.o,  who I find more in common then,women I dated before her. We met at Indoor climbing group,  and we both like active pass time, like hiking,  doing challenging tracks, thing like that. So I spend a lot of time with her.
I feel lost and without purpose or goal in life. I have no idea, what I supposed to do with my life now, and where is it going from here.  I have no idea where I will be in 1 year on in 5 or in 10.
Have anyone been in similar situation? What is next for me?

———————————————————————————————————–
What’s next is up to you to decide. I am sure there are things that you always wanted to try or always wanted to do. Put it this way, if you knew you had one week left on this earth what would you do? Live your life this way. I am not saying spend your life savings or anything crazy but live in the moment of now. You are lucky to have had a marriage and a family at one time, even though it didn’t work out at one time it was exactly what you wanted. Now that you are here it’s time to find yourself again or maybe reinvent yourself. As for dating enjoy it and who knows you might someday find a woman and her kids or she might be solo and will be worth it. In the mean time find what makes you happy and brings purpose into your life. Do you like to travel, give back, a hobby or interest? There is plently to do so seize the opportunity since it’s before you.

I want to know what the world would be like if i just vanished.  I honestly think that i am a waste of space, and i the world wouldn’t be any different without me, My parents think all i do is complain, and i am just lazy. I am honestly not. They don’t understand how much i do for them. I am always there for them even if i dont want to. I always get the short end of the stick when it come to situations. I feel like they expect me to follow the stereotypical expectations of a women. Im 15 , and forever will be a tomboy. I love sports, and hanging out. but they want me cooped up in the house cleaning and cooking. I always get the comment, “Sit like a lady, act like a lady, go help mom clean, cook” i honestly cant take it anymore. I dont know what i will do. please help

——————————————————————————————————————–

It would be a world that would be empty of your smiling face and the happiness that you bring to those around you. I do not think that your parents intentionally focus on repremanding you. Generally speaking when people act a certain way or treat others a certain way it’s because that is what they learned or were treated as well. This doesn’t make it right nor ok but it does allow you to step back and realize that this is a process and a repeated pattern. It can be changed but only if they want to change it. And you also must realize that there are so many things in this world to be grateful for. What we choose to focus on in our lives affect our feelings and thoughts. Instead of focusing on the negatives that are around you what are the positives? I have a roof over my head, although my parents nag me about things it’s because they love me, I have food available to me when I am hungry etc. There is so much more in this world that could be so much worse. I understand that you don’t feel appreciated nor respected so be honest with those feelings. Sometimes we get so caught up in our own thoughts and feelings we don’t realize what else is going on around us? Have your parents been stressed as of late? What’s going on in thier lives right now? I would sit down with them and in a non-confrontational way tell them how you are feeling and how sometimes when they talk to you or mention something it hurts your feelings. Communication and being open will help this situation.

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

 

I have to say tinybuddha.com is an excellent source of knowledge on personal growth and grounding energy. This was WAY to good not to share! If half of the population took these into account just imagine what a world of difference this could make!

 

20 Ways to Show You Care w/out Expecting Something in Return

1. Give money you can spare to someone who needs it and then pretend you never had it.

2. Let someone tell a story without feeling the need to one-up them or tell your own.

3. Let someone vent, even if you can’t offer a solution, just to be an ear—without considering how well they listened to you last week.

4. Help someone who is struggling with difficult feelings by admitting you’ve felt the same thing—without considering whether they’d be as open with you.

5. Ask, “What can I do to help you today?” Then let it go after following through.

6. Tell someone how you feel about them, even if it makes you feel vulnerable, just to let them know they’re loved and not alone.

7. Apologize when you’ve acted selfishly, even if you don’t like feeling wrong, because it will remind the other person they deserve to be treated with respect.

8. Let someone else educate you, even if you’re tempted to stay closed minded, because you value their knowledge and appreciate their willingness to share it.

9. Forgive someone who wronged you because you have compassion for them, not because you know they’ll owe you.

10. Hold someone’s hand when they feel vulnerable to let them know you haven’t judged them.

11. Give your full attention to the person in front of you when you’re tempted to let your thoughts wander just to show them their words are valuable.

12. Assume the best when you’re tempted to suspect someone for no valid reason—even if they haven’t always given you the benefit of the doubt.

13. Accompany someone to an appointment or drive them to an interview when they need support just to help them feel strong.

14. Change your plans for someone you love if yours weren’t too important without questioning whether they’d do the same for you.

15. Teach someone how to do something without taking a superior position because they’ve likely taught you many things, whether they were obvious or not.

16. Leave a thoughtful comment on someone’s blog, not to build your readership but rather to show them how they affected you.

17. Tell someone you believe in their potential, even if they haven’t always shown you the same support.

18. Say no when it would make you feel good to say yes, because sometimes being kind means pushing someone to step up and try harder.

19. Tell someone you know they meant well instead of using their mistake as an opportunity to manipulate their guilt.

20. I’ve left this one open for you to write. How do you give just to show you care?

Read more here

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

 

His fiancé won’t let us be friends anymore? When my brother was younger his best friend used to come to our house all the time. I got to know him really well. We stayed in touch when he went to college, and I saw him when he came home. But hes now engaged and his fiancé absolutely hates me. I only met her a few times, and she was really rude and dismissive to me for no good reason. Also, he says she doesn’t like when he talks to me and wants him to unfriend me on fb. He refused, but we’re definitely talking a lot less now. The worst part is, I’m not even invited to their wedding and my brother is. I acted like it wasn’t a big deal, but it hurts so much. What is her problem? I hate that shes controlling him like this, and that hes going along with it. I’ve known him since I was like 10 and I’m almost 17 now so I’ve known him a reallllly long time. So it’s extremely dumb and pathetic that she’s threatened by me, when my friendship with him is NOTHING like that. What do I do?

———————————————————————————————————————————————-
I would ask her outright why she is uncomfortable with your friendship. The thing is sometimes people assume they know something about someone else which is not necessarily true. I would ask if she could meet you out of coffee and be upfront with her about your feelings. She will probably be surprised how hurt you are about not being included in this special day. Maybe she is jealous of your long standing friendship and how you both can relate on a different level. Friendships and relationships all provide and meet different needs for people. She maybe jealous at first but overtime she will begin to realize that her soon to be husband needs his space and friendships.
*If you have a question or want to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com