Tag Archive: self esteem


What is wrong with a wife that marries a man that doesn’t want to work? In contrary, what is wrong with a woman that wants a man that can’t provide for his family, and she wants to be the provider?  Does it make her feel in control?  I have a sister like this, and she loves it that she’s a provider and that he does not provide for his family. One response is this: That’s fine if the wife is the breadwinner and makes the money. More power to her. But, it is only natural for a man to work and be a provider. It is instinct, just like it is for a woman to be a mother. If he can’t do that his self-esteem goes down, thus feeling less of a man. Anybody else have opinions?

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I do not believe there is anything wrong with a woman being the bread winner or supporting the family compared to a man. I think that the relationship and it’s dynamics are dependent upon the two people involved. If that is what works for them so be it. It’s their lives and their choice to how they work out the logistics. Many times people put to much weight into what is “natural instinct” yes we have them but at the same time each of us is different. If being at home and taking care of the household needs is his perogative then thats great. It’s a lot of work so it’s not like he wouldn’t truly be “working”. We all need a purpose in our lives and if that means working to provide or working to maintain the household whatever works is still a purpose and has a meaningful impact.
*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

I found this article quite interesting, hope you enjoy it too! If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

Live & Learn

I came across this article in Inc. Magazine – The Hard Truth About How Success Really Works which was written by Jeff Haden.  Jeff Haden “worked his way up in the manufacturing industry from forklift driver to manager of a 250-employee book plant.”  Now he is a ghostwriter for business leaders and innovators and has written more than 30 non-fiction books.  My immediate reaction to his article was there is in fact too much rationalization and entitlement thinking today.  I believe that Jeff nails what it takes…

  •  “Many people fall prey to, “Yeah, but…” thinking.  I have a friend who absolutely hates how successful his brother-in-law has become. “Oh yeah, I’d like to be doing that well,” he’ll say, “but he has very little downtime.”  Another is bitter because one of his friends is extremely fit. “Oh yeah, I’d like to be in that kind of shape,” he’ll say, “but he has to…

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My boyfriend lives 3 hours away? So I barely ever see him. And he came to visit for 2 weeks.  He says he came to see me.  But I’ve seen him about 3 times. And he doesn’t even call me or anything.  It hurts that he doesn’t even talk to me when I never see him. Should I feel like this? Should I be mad? What do I do?

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I think I would reevaluate the relationship it doesn’t sound like he is completely committed to it. If he is interested he would make the time to include you. I would try to talk with him about your concerns his response and actions will let you know where he stands.

*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

It drives me crazy, love and relationships are just completely out of the question. People need physical attraction to love someone. That’s just how it is. I hate seeing attractive girls about, it makes me angry and sad at the same time to know I could never get one. I’ve even started feeling like that when I see a good looking guy. I think “how must I look compared to him”. No girl would stick with me if they had other options. If any girl went out with me it’d be out of pure desperation not to be alone. That’s not love.

I’m 18 and never had a girlfriend or even a kiss.. I’m too ugly to talk to girls so I’ll always alone. I’m thinking about synthetically castrating myself .. but is there any other ways to accept being alone? I mean sometimes I feel like I have nothing to look forward to in life .. whats the point of living .. when your just counting down the days until you die.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/70715053@N06/6879408139/in/photostream

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There is nothing to “accept” other than that you currently have low self esteem. Good news is that can be changed 🙂 You are not unattractive you sound lonely. Sometimes when we are hard on ourselves we end up pushing people away that might be or have been interested. Are you involved in activities within your community? Have you tried asking a girl out before? The worst someone could tell you is “No” and if they do it’s not the end of the world maybe they don’t know you well enough. Everyone has someone out there that is meant for them, and in reality there is more than one special someone. I know it’s scary and I know it’s hard but you need to pull yourself out of this funk and find things that interest you. The more you are involved the more likely you will be able to meet new people and potentially that special someone 🙂 Keep your head up!

 

 

* If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

We used to be great friends, until these popular girls came into our class. Us and the populars used to hate each other but now she sucks up to them, and puts me down. She always calls me a f*ck tard when i make little mistakes…she wouldn’t say that to the other girls. She also calls me ugly EVERY DAY. She says its just a joke and it really hurts me and all I say is okay in a sad voice and she laughs as if calling me ugly is the funniest thing ever.
She takes me for granted, I always buy her lunch and offer to help her with her homework but she never appreciates it..

Also, she thinks shes better than me because she has 60 more friends on FB than me and shes prettier.

If I stand up to her everyone will hate me. She will turn everyone against me, my friends are hers and they seem to like her more. 😦

help?

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Sometimes people don’t know how to stand on their own nor think for themselves. You need to stand up to her and you need to stop helping her out financially and with school work. A good friend will treat you with respect and kindness. If people decide to listen to her when you walk away then they aren’t good friends either. Get involved in the community or doing something that interests you to separate yourself from this group. I know it’s hard and scary but it’s the best thing you can do for yourself. The sooner you do this the better. You might be surprised you might gain friends that respect you for being honest and telling it like it is.
*If you have a question or topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

I have been in a relationship with my fiance for 6 years now, bought a house last year and have a 2 year old daughter. However, for some time now (on and off for about 3 years) I have been questioning how happy I truly am in this relationship. When I have been looking at other forums on the subject I find alot of people have to deal with abuse, divorce, affairs which is nothing like what I have to deal with and I feel abit silly for the things I do deal with and complain about. I hate the way he talks to me sometimes, he can be disrespectful (his father oftens talks to his mother this way so no doubt his upbringing obviously plays a part) he can be quite serious and is meticulous in cleaning as in he wants the house to be clean all the time. With me working part time and being a mother I find it difficult to do it to his standard all the time, let alone having his dinner on the table when he gets home from work. He snaps at me sometimes (especially when he has been without marijuana for a while – he is trying his best to quit this) and in general conversation he can get quite uptight and angry. He is not like this all the time but it is happening more as time goes on. I have spoken to him about these issues and have almost left the home a couple of times, things change for abit but then he reverts back to his ways. I know I should be happy as in a sense I have everything I wanted, a home, children, someone who I know will never cheat on me (I have been hurt in the past so this means a lot to me) but I just find myself not feeling the love I should anymore. We still have sex which is great when it happens but it can take abit of initiation on his part for me to be interested. When he’s being horrible, I just don’t feel like putting out but sometimes I do just to keep the peace and keep him happy. Apart from the above, he is generally a decent person. He works all week long, pays most of the household bills and I know if it came to it, he would do anything for me or our daughter. Despite this, I have been feeling this way for a long time now but just cannot seem to find the courage to go. It goes completely against my grain to have children and then split up and have a weekend father. I was brought up in this environment and both my sisters have had children with men and broken up. I promised myself that I would not let this happen to me and that the person I have children with is the person I would be with for life. So I am feeling extremely torn in my belief system and my happiness. I sometimes think of life alone with my daughter and feel a sense of relief but at the same time I think of him with someone else and it hurts. I know this is not the right reason to stay with someone and I do love him but I am quite indecisive in nature and am so worried that if I go and realise that I’ve made a mistake, that he will not take me back. This would be a huge regret and with my daughter to think about, is not a risk I can take unless I am absolutely sure it is what I want. My brain tends to be overactive and I find it extremely difficult to calm my thoughts long enough. I feel like I am thinking about it every day and it is exhausting. I just wish I knew what to do, make a decision and stick to it. If any one has any advice, I would love to hear from you.
-Unhappy

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Dear Unhappy,

I think a few things need to addressed first. Number one you should never have sex with someone just to keep the peace or make that person happy. The point of sex besides feeling nice is also to create an intimate and deeper bond between the two of you. By just giving in you are detaching yourself from the connection. This is not healthy. If you are both willing I highly recommend marriage counseling. It will help each of you figure out how to communicate, relate, and understand each other more effectively. If this is not an option for you then I would recommend you take care of yourself and your child. Otherwise, you are teaching your children (child) that being verbally/emotional abused is ok. It is good that you realize that your husband learned this behavior early on. A lot of people do not make that connection. The good news it can be changed and modified if he wants to change it. It will take some work on both of your parts but it can be accomplished. I hope you find peace and happiness.
*If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com