I have had and know several friends who have used/use online resources for dating. In today’s world everything except toilet paper has gone digital! I think because our lifestyles are set to move at such a rapid pace and that we tend to focus on the milestones in life as well as our careers we tend to lose site of the simple joys of dating and courtship. It’s amazing to me how many people whom do meet their partners online or even spouse they tend to be someone that lives in their neighborhood or close proximity of their living space. I am not saying this is always the case, but it does seem to happen quite often more so than one would think. Just imagine if we all took a moment to put down our cell phones we might have actually met the person in real life instead of digitally first. Again, I’m not knocking the service, I’ve known several people whom were so busy that it was the simplest way to put themselves out there without really…putting themselves out there. It’s so much easier to hit the decline button than it is to reject someone in real life. But at the same time I think as a human you are missing out on that experience. I’m not saying that it’s something to look forward to nor to enjoy. But it does help us learn how to handle awkward social situations better than just hitting a button and moving on to the next profile. Also, one thing to be weary about online dating are those that tend to over exaggerate or inflate themselves. Or use the site as a rotating girlfriend/boyfriend tool. Someone can sure look spectacular on screen but when you meet them in real life it’s not even close to what you saw and read on the profile! The thing is unless you are willing to be honest with yourself and others as well as be open then you will never move forward into a significant relationship. You both have to have similiar…not the same…but a common interest or view point to life. It will filter people for you and provide you with the “cream of the crop” to match you interests but if someone is boasting about how they are someone they truly are not then everyone will end up disappointed. If you want success play it smart and with honesty. Be honest with yourself and go off your first inital reactions when answering dating questionarraires. If you do decide to meet someone meet them in a public setting. It really does suck to lose the romantic side of being picked up and taken out…but remember anyone can create a profile and you might not get what you intended. So better to play it safe than sorry. If something feels off or wrong then trust that instinct it’s there for a reason. If you enjoy the date and things go well then be honest and tell them you’d like to meet again. I have never understood drawing out the process and making people wonder….It’s ok if you need the time to process but if you do have a great time then tell the other person that! Some great first date ideas would be the zoo, theme park, beach, basically something that allows the two of you to interact with one another with little distraction. Movies are nice but you basically end up sitting there watching the film instead of engaging with one another. What has been your experience with online dating? Has it been good or bad?
If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@gmail.com
Grim Record: Soldier Suicides Reach New High
A record number of soldiers – 38 – are suspected of killing themselves in July, the Pentagon said Thursday. It marks a startling jump in the suicide epidemic that has been frustrating Army leaders for years.
The total included 26 active-duty soldiers – under the Army’s control 24/7 — also an apparent record, and a 117% jump from June’s count of 12 active-duty suicides.
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The Army has been fighting suicides when they were occurring at the rate of nearly one a day – in fact, that was the cover line on a Time story last month into the vexing problem of soldiers killing themselves after a decade of war. But July’s 38 likely suicides spread over the month’s 31 days works out to almost 1.25 suicides a day.
The toll was 58% higher than June’s 24 suspected suicides, and is roughly 50% more than the average monthly suicide count experienced over the past 18 months.
Military suicide data has only been kept diligently in recent years; non-active duty suicides have only been tracked for about five years. So that makes historical comparisons difficult. But the numbers are the highest since 9/11, and several experts believe they mark an all-time high. “The number 26 [of active-duty suicides] is the highest single month we’ve had since 2001,” Bruce Shahbaz, a medical analyst on the Army’s Suicide Prevention Task Force, told Time Thursday morning. “The combined total [38] of both active and reserve is the highest we’ve had since 2001.”
Army experts come up empty-handed when trying to account for the surge, although they are noting a shift among suicide victims. “This is the first time since 2001 where we’ve seen non-commissioned officer deaths outnumbering junior enlisted deaths,” Shahbaz says. He and other Army suicide experts have what he concedes is a “very counter-intuitive” explanation.
While the number of Army suicides each month makes for a jagged line, the trend is clearly upward.
They suggest this is happening as the NCOs — more likely to be married, and in the Army for the long haul, than younger troops — begin spending more time at home between deployments. “If you’re on the constant 12-month treadmill of deploy, reset, get ready to redeploy, deploy, soldiers and families don’t work hard to try to reintegrate, because they know that their soldier is going to be gone again,” Shahbaz says. “Issues like minor depression, anxiety and sleep disturbances – those things that are kind of related to post-traumatic stress – begin to surface after a service member has been home for more than a year, and start to reintegrate with their family…I liken it to a pot that’s on simmer – having that person stay back home and reintegrate with their family sometimes allows that pot to boil over.”
Retired Army colonel Elspeth Ritchie, once the service’s top psychiatrist and a key warrior fighting Army suicides, fears the toll won’t abate any time soon. “One of the risk factors for suicide is getting in trouble at work,” says Ritchie, now a Battleland contributor. “As the Army downsizes, the getting in trouble may translate into more soldiers facing discharge and possible unemployment,” she says. “Another risk factor is trouble with relationships. After a decade of war, going from having a spouse away most of the time — to being at home all the time — actually may make things worse. Especially if the spouse is underemployed.”
(COVER STORY: The War on Suicide?)
Those fighting the battle from outside the Army remain dissatisfied in light of the latest suicide count. “Soldiers and their families are falling apart under the pressures, expectations, injuries and illnesses of years of war,” says Kim Ruocoo, who runs the suicide outreach program at the non-profit Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors. “We should expect our troops to need psychological care after all we have asked of them, yet there is still a sense that asking for help is a weak thing and should be avoided. As a result soldiers are waiting until they are very sick before they go for help and very often the response is not quick enough or comprehensive enough.”
Retired general Peter Chiarelli, who until January was the Army’s No. officer and top suicide fighter, remained frustrated in a recent interview. “Our suicide rate has doubled since 2001, and it’s obvious that deployments and stress on the force plays a role in this –- there’s no doubt about it,” he says. “The doubling of our suicide rate coincided with our fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan. That’s got to be a contributor.”
But it’s bigger than that, he believes. Mental-health problems have never gotten the study – and the resulting research funding – given to cancer and heart disease, he says. “We’ve under-invested in this area for so goddam long, and one of the reasons is because of the stigma associated with it,” Chiarelli says. “No one wants to admit that Uncle Al killed himself.”
MORE: Why Are There So Many Military Suicides?
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