Dedication to Truth versus A Dedication to Anything Less

At first, I was a bit upset, that this blog was a rather judgemental of other writers and bloggers that are attempting to be supportive and spread love and acceptance. However, as I read further I realized they were speaking of truth in a matter of being an addict (drugs, sex, etc). Not to say that there are not a lot of people who are addicted to their work, a certain life style, a person…. I think that everyone has their own path and will learn/reflect upon themselves in their own time and their own way. I get the frustration of doing a lot of work and then realizing that so many others are living in the dark. But the point is there has to be acceptance- if not you end up judging those around you for being who you once were… A bit hypocritical. No one is perfect. All we can do is try our best to become   the best version of ourselves. Maybe we will get to find the ultimate truth or maybe we will choose to live whatever lives we decide upon living. At the end of the day we all have a choice. Live in it, bask in it, but at the same time do your best not to judge others for they have walked a different path other than your own. And who knows…maybe they know a truth that you have yet to stumble upon.

Related articles

• Be You. (aprilbradham.wordpress.com)
• “Being truthful” versus “telling the truth” (toughmindedoptimism.wordpress.com)
• The ironic truth about sincerity (thenuancesoflife.wordpress.com)
• Anything but the truth (jimbocyberdoc.wordpress.com)

The Places That Scare You

“Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.” – Brene Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection, pg. 49.
We know we’re getting healthier as a person when we can start admitting the truth about ourselves—and about our own falseness—aloud, and not only to ourselves but to others.
The quickest and surest—as well as toughest and most demanding—route to mental health is to dedicate ourselves fearlessly and fiercely to truth and to reality—to the way things really are, and to the way we actually are.
The goal at first isn’t to change ourselves, because such attempts at changing ourselves will be inherently flawed until we have made it a real priority to dedicate ourselves to truth– and to practice choosing and…

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Wife Won’t Stop Complaining About My Ex

My wife won’t stop and it’s making me crazy? She won’t stop Complaining about my ex!
We’ll call my wife becky and call my ex Krissie

Here are the cliff notes:

Krissie and I broke up

I met Becky and we got married a couple weeks later

Krissie found out she pregnant and told me

my wife and mother said she was a liar just trying to get me back

Krissie came with an ultrasound and note from her doctor estimating conception

I was an idiot and denied my son which I’ll always regret because I missed out on his first years and will never get that back. I was afraid of ruining my marriage.

Everyone in my wife’s family kept telling her to demand a paternity test

We got one. Yeah he’s my kid. Krissie hated me for implying otherwise but forgave me for the sake of our son. she has allowed me to be part of his life, I see him almost everyday now, and she even decided not to sue for back child support since I am now providing financially & emotionally.

The problem is my wife hates my ex. It’s like she can’t stop herself from complaining about krissie. according to my brother krissie is a dream ex… he has 4 kids from 4 moms so I guess he knows

Krissie only calls me if it concerns our son (serious stuff, not “just to talk”)

Every time I go to pick him up he is clean and happy, and she doesn’t say bad things about me to him (he’s a kid who repeats what he hears , which is why Krissie won’t let becky be around him anymore because the first time she met him she called his mom a lot of bad things, and I agreed my wife doesn’t need to be in his life, when she’s acting that way)

She doesn’t sleep around so I don’t have to worry about creeps being around my kid and she’s just a great mom to him . I love my wife and I want our marriage to work but it’s becoming to much to handle. We argue everyday, she says I want Kris back, she says Kris wants me, and she implies that my son isn’t mine even though we had the tests and he looks exactly like me.

I just need to know how I can get her to understand that I just want to be a good father. I hate myself for denying him for so long. I never thought i’d be one of those dead beats. Sometime i want to cry thinking about all the things I missed.Ii don’t blame my wife because i am a grown man and made my own decisions, but I felt so much pressure from her and my mother, saying that there was no way she just found out about the pregnancy right after i got married. the truth is part of me knew the truth, I guess I was a coward so I don’t need people telling me what scum I am, because I already know, I just want to have a good life and be and good dad. what can I do to reassure my wife that the extent of my relationship with Kris is that we love our son and that’s it.

-Loving Father at Wits End

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Dear Loving Father,

 

You need to talk with your wife and be just as honest as you have been here. Tell her that you love her and never want to make her feel uncomfortable but you also love your son and have an obligation to be a good father to him. You need to ask her that she respect the mother of your child because the child had no control of being born into this family. It’s not fair nor healthy to the child to hear negative things about his/her own mother. It also makes it difficult for the child to want to bond with your current wife. I would also reccommend you tell your wife that it makes you uncomfortable and it hurts your feelings to see her act this way. If you cannot come to an agreement I would reccomend couples thearpy so you have an outside source who can help you through this. Keep on being a great dad- the child will be grateful later that you stepped up and are apart of his life now.

 

* If you have a question or topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@hotmail.com

 

Friendships & Divorce

What’s the proper way to handle the breakup of another married couple when you choose different sides? My best friend is divorcing a friend of hers. We each see the other soon to be ex-spouse as the bad guy. What to do?

-Torn

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Dear Torn,

There are always two sides two a story- it takes two in order for a marriage to be successful . If this is someone that you were close with or would still like to be a part of your life then you should offer them support as well. The hard part is not to pick sides- the only people who really know what is really going on are the two people involved. Do your best to listen yet remain neutral.

 

* If you have a question or would like to submit a topic please email me at honestgoodadvice@hotmail.com

 

Lonely and Depressed…

I’ve just been depressed lately and I feel I just need to get this off my chest. I’m a 16 (nearly 17) year old guy, my dad died when I was around 2, all that is left is my mom and sister, they both care alot about me but they’re both extremely short tempered and order me around which get on my nerves and I feel detached from them most of the time. I had kind of a lonely childhood, I rarely get along with others and was most of the last left out, except elementary/primary 4-6 where I got along with pretty much everyone, I had couple of very close friends, I have no problems at school and it was probably the happiest time of my life.Then I went to high school, everything just dropped, my old friends were all transferred to other schools, I can’t get along with anyone, got in trouble a couple times, it was just hard. My mom asked me a couple times how I felt about the school, I just honestly said I was upset. After the first year she dropped me out of school and said she’ll apply other schools for me but that was it, she never brought it up again, and I never asked as I hated school at that time and my mom wasn’t someone who speaks her mind, I just didn’t wanted to ask. So I stayed home and disconnected from society and social life up until now. I get up, shower, lunch, internet/play games/some housework, shower, dinner, internet, sleep, that pretty much sums up my life these past years. At some point I found some of my old friends in facebook, I contacted to one whom I consider my best friend, he was pretty happy to get in touch again but eventually I stop replying cause I was embarrassed what I am now and I just couldn’t tell the truth I drop out of school all this time. I looked at my other friends facebooks and they have lives ahead them, with lots of friends and have gf/bfs, I just look at myself in the mirror and realize what a loser outcast I am. More and more, I feel my life was just going nowhere, I started to feel lifeless and the world 100 steps ahead of me, it only got worse with my mom getting financial problems that nearly took away everything and she probably couldn’t afford school for me even given the opportunity.

My mom and sister is literally the only people I can to talk to but this is not something I want to share with them, I feel so depressed lately, I lost my appetite and feel tired all the time. I’d very much appreciate if someone is kind enough talk to a hopeless like me and if you have problems too I can hear yours.

-Lonely

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Dear Lonely,

You need to tell you mom that you are feeling down. You definitely are expressing sysmptoms of depression. You have become isolated which have led to these feelings. Can you try and get a job, do you have any interests? Could you start going to a local library or a local place where you could interact with other people? You need to change up your daily routine. It will be a little intimidating at first but as long as you keep going eventually it will get better. If you have already touched base with your best friend back in school you should reach back out to him again, see if he wants to hang out. There is nothing wrong with feeling down you shouldn’t feel ashamed. Everyone experiences some form of depression or feeling low once in a while in thier lives. You aren’t alone 🙂

Ashamed & Angry

I’ve been denying this for awhile now. Im too ashamed and embarrassed to tell my therapist – I do trust her but I’m very embarrassed to let anyone else know.

I recently left someone that abused me emotionally mentally and physically. Around five months ago, he took advantage of me. He forced himself in me while I was slightly under the influence. I thought I could feel safe with him, I stayed at his place and took the couch but he forced himself on me. I didn’t want it at all and the next day I confronted him and he denied it and said I wanted it that I enjoyed it. Deep down I knew what he did and I was terrified to do anything about it. I secretly hate myself and am slightly angry at myself for letting it happen. I used wishful thinking to subside what really happened, for awhile it worked but as the relationship continued his true colors showed. He became controlling, jealous, manipulative. I got so fed up I left him, this week will be the second week of not being with him. I’m really trying to turn myself around. After I left it felt good I felt better and for a whole i felt confident, I began taking steps to achieve my self esteem and confidence back..went out with friends you name it. He recently contacted me and since than I’ve been also getting reoccurring nightmares with him being the theme. One nightmare where I keep running and he manages to find me, lock me up, rape me, promise not to leave him etc. And ask me to listen to his apologies and I end up escaping but it repeats itself. Another nightmare where he is in my house – I keep locking my door and I return to it being unlocked, and than I find a note written by him in the cabinet. I had 3 nightmares in one day, one this morning, each time I wake up frozen, my body is frozen, and I cant move I need assistance trying to be unfrozen.

I never have nightmares. Until this month and especially since I left him. And now I feel angry at myself for letting him do those things to me. Advice?

-Ashamed & Angry

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Dear Ashamed & Angry,

I am sorry that you had to experience such a traumatic event, however you leaving him is the best thing that you ever could have done for yourself. You are a victim of rape- a victim- this was NOT your fault. You were under the influence and not completely coherent plus you were with someone that you thought you could trust. Don’t be mad at yourself,  this person took advantage of you, which is not ok. You most likely are having nightmares because you have not yet come to terms with this incident. Your therapist is there for you for a reason, you have to be honest with them and yourself if you want this wound to heal. There also websites that are available for support: http://www.aftersilence.org/

* If you have a topic or wish to submit a question please email me at:
honestgoodadvice@gmail.com

Alcoholism

I am an alcoholic and am 27 years old, I was going to AA but find it not to help much, I’ve been focusing on business, family and faith more lately and find this a more affective approach. Anyone have any other ideas how to cope?

-J

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Everyone deals with addiction differently. AA meetings are meant to provide a support group for others who can relate to your troubles. Did you not find a sponsor? A good support system is key but at the end of the day it’s up to you to stay focused on the ultimate goal. Keeping yourself distracted by positive things is great. If you start to feel weak go to a support group or a close friend/family member. Good luck!